The Beginnings of Beauty

29 Jul

A/N: Push Play on the GrooveShark Playlist, the music doesn’t start automatically with these dudes. Gonna try them out since Playlist has been leading me to pull out my hair. All Hawaii Scenic pics are taken by my uber talented hubs N.

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I’m going to be frank. This is gonna be a long-assed post. Take your stretch breaks, use the restroom, hopefully you packed some munchies (or a cooler of meat patties, if you’re Taylor). I have copious amounts of Musings I want to talk about today, and I’m admittedly overwhelmed. I didn’t sit down to write this post until late last night, when instead I should have been finishing it and handing it over to my brilliant previewers. I tossed around the idea of making this a two-parter. I still may do that. Also, today’s essay will probs deviate a bit from it’s typical structure. But nonconformity is what we Misfit Hellions swear by, right? Ah, well, anyhoo, a couple events occurred this week, prompting my already full head to become inundated with topics to address. Firstly, I returned from Kauai, aka my little slice of Heaven, while still battling a sinus/cold from hell. Then I peek into my emails and glance at my tweets briefly, to learn that one of our beloved Royal Rebels attempted to go home for some rest and self care, but his efforts were thwarted by vulture-paparazzi. Its disturbing anytime to witness the Vultures circling prey; however, it was especially jarring to process the scene as I was emerging from my peaceful island sanctuary. I felt my stomach drop to my toes and I felt such sadness on behalf of Rob and Kristen and all folks who contend with the incessant hounding by exploitive, merciless papz. Between Kauai, Rob’s stand against the paparazzi and my return to the Mainland to begin preparations for the launch of my “magical little practice” at The Healing Center, I felt compelled to think back to The Beginning…

Rob: KJ, could you PLEASE ask the vultures to kindly
leave me be?
Me: Oh, Rob, I’ll do anything you ask…
As soon as I regain consciousness.
Rob: *glances at the KJ pile at his feet*
Well, let’s see if I can entertain those lurking Vultures…

Mirror, Mirror
Last week in my Muselet, I already knew what I’d write about for today’s Musings, mentioning that I would go back to The Beginning of Beauty as I have known it…and naturally my mind began to relive my journey of discovering the supreme legacy that is our Ambassador of Other Kristen Stewart…And the beginning of Musings On Other Queens. This week’s posting marks two months of Musings, somehow. You guys, I have been completely bowled over by the generously kind responses from YOU. I still cannot believe that you come back and peek into my weekly ramblings. And that you contact me to tell me your stories of embracing your Other! Even last week, when I was away slowing my roll, you all sent me descriptions of your Happy Places, and let me tell you, I love what you do to initiate self care, and I want to join you in your Happy Places! So since we’re marking the ridonk successful innaugural months of Musings, and I was in the place that began it all for me, I wanted to share with you all how Musings, outside of The Homecoming Queen Experience, was born. Hawaii serves as the catalyst for a more global understanding of Beauty for me. Let me tell you why…Well, besides the obvs…
I may have alluded to it once before, but I haven’t stated it outwardly before here on Musings. I am adopted. My biological makeup is comprised of Southeast Asian Islander, and Latino Islander, but my adoptive family is of Swiss and German descent. I have had the most loving, warm, accepting  upbringing possible, with the greatest family. I recognize how blessed I am, I truly do. But I can only say, as a child of multi-ethnic backgrounds, and/or adoption can: that there is always, always a floating, nebulous feeling of searching for more, a better fit, even when everything else is right in the world. So, after my first appalling (at least to me as a fourteen-yr old girl) experience of being called out for being The Other Homecoming Queen (revisit the very first Musings ever, all of eight weeks ago, to relive that crowning moment of Other Queen awakening) I finally began to understand the true gift of being Other when I removed myself from the usual surroundings, and ventured out, beyond my personal comfort zones.  

I was eighteen years old, a freshman in college and fashion was in the waning years of “grunge” and the emergence of “goth”. I hovered somewhere in between the two. In the meantime, I was a hostess at a restaurant that catered to clientele averaging in the age of 55, but the view was gorgeous of the ocean, and I crushed on fellow servers and bartenders, so I was groovy. I had successfully evaded having a boyfriend as well as that damned Homecoming Queen Nomination. My puffy hair was constantly toeing the line of being called TRIANGLE, and the CDs on rotation in my walkman (pre-iPod days, folks) were Tori Amos, Pearl Jam, Sublime, Pixies and The Beatles.  This Other Queen in Training with Geometric Hair, brownie skin tone, the propensity for knee socks, and flowing dresses joined three girlfriends on a Ladies Only Getaway to Hawaii. The gals accompanying me were my physical antitheses. These beauties had blonde streaked hair, light eyes, legs for days.  They were, in essence, The Classic California Girls.

trufax. they kinda looked like this.

And we were heading into a land that purported and enjoyed residual images like this in the 1950s: 

Legit. 1950’s Pin Up girl “representing” Hawaii

And here was…me…not so pale, of course, I AM Asian AND Hispanic, y’know…With an afro, kohl-lined eyes, and Marlboro Lights:


The trip WAS, and forever shall be deemed for me, The Birthplace of Beauty. Not only did I taste true independence and rental car driving for the first time, but I experienced a welcoming embrace and celebration of all the characteristics and quirks that I had kept on the DL. Please do not assume I am solely speaking of physical characteristics, even though they are obviously what I can use to describe the differences. As you know, we Others are Rebellious Mayhem-makers more for our internal propensities, than we are our outward appearances–though we can shock with our physical looks as well, NO DOUBT. But I’ll describe some of my own characteristics up for evaluation.  My puffy, curly hair, my rounded nose, my almond-shaped eyes, my penchants for walking barefoot, like ALWAYS, if I wasn’t in Chucks; my need to stand on the sand alone; my almost-dysfunctional love of rice and salt; my impulses to twirl in circles and run through patches of flowers? Yeah, it kinda all seemed like the way to roll when in the islands. In Oahu and Maui, I’d walk down a street that looked like this:
and luminous, Other-worldy people who looked like this–quite possibly without the ukeleles–
approached me, looked me in the eyes, whispered warm greetings in Hawaiian, and welcomed me HOME. I spoke last week of being an Island Girl by blood, this is why. Because while I may have been “odd”, “exotic”, “unusual and unconventional” back where I lived in Southern Cali, I apparently fit the Standard of Beauty in Hawaii. And it only laid the groundwork for future cultural research and spiritual soothing in which I would encounter several years later in my travels through Europe, and most importantly Southeast Asia, and my motherland, The Philippines. I understood, in those quiet moments of interaction with strangers in Hawaii, that there is not one, specified concept of Beauty. There are hundreds, maybe thousands of definitions of Beauty…But I’d fit at least ONE of them. And I would do what I could to support and defend every one of us, including Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson from Vultures and BullShit people trying to tell us otherwise. 

N & I, prepared to Defend our fellow Others.
Our matching Hawaiian bracelets look like superhero cuffs, don’t they?

Finding Twilight, You and Us:

Seeing a couple of pictures, and only hearing about (because I refused to watch the video) the conundrum the Vulture-papz caused for Rob this past weekend, I was transported Back to the Beginning of Musings. When had I become such a public KStew and RPattz supporter?! How did I somehow get clumped (incorrectly in some cases) with the millions of Twi-fans that were emerging from the woodworks? Where were you when you first fell under the Twilight Spell??


I was a fan of the Twilight books, one of those folks who had actually read the books first before Twilight the movie was released in theaters in 2008. I had been bed-ridden for six weeks in recovery from knee surgery and one of my cool hipster girlfriends came to have lunch with me. She had dark circles under her eyes and she was yawning. She told me in hushed tones, eyes darting around her, that she was up all night finishing a book…and she whispers “Twilight”. I didn’t laugh and point at her, though I did giggle conspiratorially with her, since I eyed the books every time I went into Borders (which if it were up to me, would be a daily requirement), but never picked up a copy. My beautiful, cool hipster friend’s endorsement of the books and my happening to have a lot of time on my hands convinced me I needed a little Twilight in my life. I knew a movie was coming out, and I knew Robert Pattinson was in it…Hello, Harry Potter Fan here, friends. I knew Cedric Diggory, and I recognized him instantly in a trailer I saw earlier in the year. Ok, well, I read the books, including Breaking Dawn in  about 5 days, and my insatiable thirst spilled over to the internet. Wanna know what I found, that forever changed everything??

Oh so young and unscathed then
Yesssss. The legend. The myth. The April 22, 2008 on-set Twilight interview with Larry Motha-effin Carroll on MTV. I knew instantly, not from my practice as a psychotherapist, not from any tabloid jabbering (though of course, that came in spades, later) that these two individuals, Robert and Kristen, were twin souls, and their chemistry was UH-MAY-ZING. So while I was a Twilight book reader first, I found myself observing the actors, their static electricity and resonating with them as people long after I had finished the text. More Googling led me to bios on Kristen Stewart (Hey, I DO remember that little girl from Panic Room!) and of course Rob…Pictures of the two of them like this:





um. Sorry, were you talking to us?


can’t hear yoooooou.



uh-huh. unf.


Naturally, I was led to the major gossip reporting sites who clearly were compelled in the same indescribable manner that I was, but I noticed the division pretty quickly. There were folks who really really really worshipped Rob…and greatly admired Kristen, and loved the idea that there was something more than friendship between the two. Then I saw sites dedicated passionately to the cause of tearing down these two, as a couple and as individuals. I was stunned. I didn’t understand it. I couldn’t comprehend that people hated these young actors, and disproportionately KRISTEN, with the vile intensity of a thousand suns. I steered clear of those sites, and found a group of posters that regularly commented on and discussed the Twilight filming schedule, and Rob and Kristen as actors and perhaps “more than just best friends”. Fast forward two years later, and here I still am,  passionately defending these lovely people against not just slanderous attacks on the franchise of which they are apart, but for the personal characteristics that are of decidedly OTHER persuasion that they very clearly EMBRACE. And to the attackers, haters, vultures, BullShit People, Critics, Bat-shit Insane “Not-A-FANs” I say: HELL TO THE NAH. Because a public attack and hunting down of two OTHER REBELS is truly an affront and assault to ALL Hellcat Eccentrics. Maybe it’s my Island blood, in which your clan sticks together, or maybe it’s the psychologist in me trying to make sense out of unfounded, unrelenting HATRED, but I know this much: You attack my fellow Misfits, it’s GAME. ON. And I will use what tools i have to my disposal. For me, that means my words, my abilities to copy and paste pretty pictures, and my penchant for picking really really good music. *grins*. That, my lovelies, is the story of the inception of Musings on Other Queens.



Featured Royal Rebels


We’re gonna flow a bit different today for the featured Rebel section. We Other’s like to switch it up a bit, and I’ve already run long on my earlier stories…so let’s give a try, yes? I’m going to highlight Kristen, as always, but showcase her in the company of other Majestic Misfits of whom I hope to write more about in future Musings…It could be construed as, say, building an army of rabble rousers, folks who wave their Freak Flag high and proudly represent our brand of Rebellion…Oh and they’re glorious, my lovelies, just like the reigning Queen Other herself is.



Reigning Other Queen: Kristen Stewart


Major Offenses of Otherness:


Unapologetically Authentic,


Truthful Public Speaking


Wears Chucks with designer dresses.


In. Public.


Kristen, in my opinion is a real-life representation of another Mayhem Minx



Other Queen, Iconic Literary Heroine:
Lisbeth Salander

Major Offenses of Otherness:


Disregards rules,


Unashamedly more intelligent than EVERY.ONE,


Defender of WOMEN’S and HUMAN rights


Lisbeth’s tenacity and cleverness are shared traits with a certain British Hellion:



Royal Rebel, Poet Warrior: Rob Pattinson
Major Offenses of Otherness:
Insistence in defending his private life,
Willingness to take risks in his craft,
Defender and Supporter of Other Queens and Rebel Royals

His willingness to tackle unconventional roles is reminiscent of the great Mythical Misfit:
Royal Rebel, Original Revolutionary:
Johnny Depp
Major Offense of Otherness:
Unapologetically Authentic,
Propensity towards eccentric, offbeat roles,
Defender and protector of his and his family’s private life

So thank you for journeying on this nostalgic road with me, my fellow Trailblazing Thinkers. I humbly bow before you for all for your unparalleled support and generosity as I  gather the troops for supporting not just Queen Stewie and Rebel Rob, but for all Others and misrepresented souls out in our world. I am so greatly moved that you would hold the space for me to divulge a few personal details in the name of deconstructing the alien, the unknown factor that often accompanies segregation, degradation and prejudice. But see, my entire hope in public Musings was to illuminate the fact that we are all Others, together. There really is no need for Vultures to circle in hopes of “catching” our Rebel Royals in compromising situations. Because I found one definition of beauty among hundreds, that I can comfortably call my own, I am an Other Queen. Because Rob, Lisbeth and Johnny refuse to compromise their authentic paths, and defend their rights to privacy, they are all Majestic Misfits. Because she delves consistently and passionately into her work, and because she is unapologetic for it, Kristen is our Reigning Other Queen.

I am Other.
Kristen is Other.
Others go back to their Beginnings,
grateful for present blessings.
Embrace Your Other.

Question: When did you realize you were really majestic in your misfit-ness?
When did you pay homage to your awkward beginnings?

A/N: My awesome and insanely gifted prereaders/betas are Buff_82, Cynically Convy and Bouffant. You ladies are my sexspenders on WFERob’s pants. You’re THAT valuable to me. Loves, Hugs, Tears and gropes as usual to my Cyber Sisters and Readers. Special shout outs to @P_lever; @Miss_Maroon @AriRebel3 @TakemetoBliss @JessWink22 for waiting so patiently for my response to your letters and awesome projects. Truth be told, I’m quite stunned by your words and plans, and I can’t gather coherency. Can you believe that shit? Me? Incoherent? bahaha. To my Possum Besties Ophelia and Justice: I miss you girls. Thanks to Periwinkle for a little Lisbeth Salander pep talk this week. To Julie as always. And to My ClogWielding Warrior Queen, J. You stun me.


One Response to “The Beginnings of Beauty”

  1. berta March 20, 2011 at 10:31 am #

    I love your website, and your support of Kristen and Robert. One of the reasons that i like kristen is because she is shy, keeps her private life private, a no non sense kind of girl, and who likes to dress in jeans and a t shirt. I also fit this description of the other kind of beauty. so thank you

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