Winning You With Words

23 Sep
Winning you with words, because I have no other way
I’d love to look into your face
without your eyes turning away
-Gray or Blue, Jaymay

Wellllll…I’m still writing in this forum because I’ve some kinks to smooth out with the new blog site. Today’s essay will also be abbreviated, compared to previous entries, and I’m considering making Musings a twice weekly posting so as to keep the essays and Featured Royal Rebels manageable.  I inadvertently gave a sneak peek of Musings’ new home today via Twatter, when it was nowhere near ready for unveiling. Nonetheless, in the four minute window of exposure, my dear @deedreamer16 peeked at it and left a warm comment. She rejoiced at the new layout, which was so very kind of her, so I guess it’s a good sign that an unfinished product is already garnering positive feedback. Hopefully next week, Lovelies, the new site for Musings will be up and running in it’s intended gloriousness. In the meantime, I’ll still write a little blurb today because I’ve swirling ideas in my brain that may need to get out onto paper before I combust. Let’s check in with our Other Queen for a minute so we can set the stage for today’s topic.
Ahh. There she is.
Last week, as Team Other applauded Kristen’s communication of desiring privacy without making a sound, Kristen’s partner Rob went home to England for a much-needed, much deserved break. Of course, all sorts of sightings blossomed, and therefore rumors, and therefore “editorials” as well, as is the usual when Kristen and Rob are out of the public spotlight. One particularly Rob-“focused” site (which will not be mentioned by name nor linked from here) published an extremely condescending (towards their idol Rob!) article in the format of a “letter” indicating that Kristen is trying to assume Rob’s life and identity. I cringed and held back the bile that was building in the back of my throat as I read through said public declaration. The author of the ridiculous article declared Kristen a “clinger” and accused her of trying to infiltrate Rob’s life by honing in on the relationship with Rob’s best friend TomStu (um, Kristen’s On the Road costar), and that she’s not only after publicity, but also Rob’s father Richard (as in, GET OFF MY DICK).
Do I look impressed by you? You insult my choices,
insult my family and trash my girl. I SEE YOU. You are no “fans” of mine.

Words are weapons
So after I finished giggle-snorting through that “article”, I of course, glanced at the responding comments. HOLY BEJEEBUS, BATMAN!! At last count, the responses were approaching five hundred. And, much like the comments left on the joint Entertainment Weekly interview in which strongly Rob defended and supported Kristen, the comments on this vomitous post were incredibly sexist, crude, and disrespectful not only of Kristen (don’t even get me started on the commenters’ responses about her physical anatomy) but of the very man they are “obsessed” over and idolize–Rob!  And they were nearly all women. And again, we’re not talking a measly handful of comments, there were hundreds. It’s quite probable that Rob was talking about the people running and commenting on these types of websites when he refers to the “nerdy bloggers” who “hide behind their computers” and take no responsibility for their words or claims, regardless of how ludicrous they are.

While this is hardly groundbreaking news, I still am grappling with the irresponsibility that is rampant and most likely a constant thorn in Kristen and Rob’s lives. Do people not recognize the power of their words any more? In this time of technology overload, have folks forgotten the impact and effect words have on shaping a situation, or effecting a person/system? Is there no accountability left?

One day? Rob will wear THIS shirt.
Then what, Ladies??
A Psych 101 Moment
A modern development among psychology treatment methods, Narrative therapy has the goal of changing a problem-saturated story to reflect a preferred one. In basic terms, we create our own stories, and we choose to make them as positive and truthful as we’d prefer. Conversely, we can, with our own words and behaviors, write a story of negativity, victimization and tragedy. Narrative therapists (I employ Narrative techniques in my own practice) do not believe that people are what they are labeled. 

Can you see how calling a person a name (labeling): i.e., BITCH, SLUT, MAN-WHORE, LOSER, UGLY can shape that person’s ability to view themselves? A reminder: You only have to hear or see written words once before the words start permeating your subconscious. Think about it: If you hear or read enough criticisms about yourself, when do you start to believe them?? Internalize them? Fall prey to them? Accept them?? Luckily, our Queen of Other Kristen, is a strong and resilient woman. But even she isn’t immune. She has admitted several times how criticisms and googled words have cut her. For those of you projecting criticisms, double standards, hate and nonsense onto two people who you most likely do not know, is this indicative that you act similarly in your personal lives too?? But towards or  around people you DO know, who may even be close to you? The people surrounding you may or may not look like this:

But I assure you, your harsh judgments and voracious regurgitation has power to do this:
that is one sad pumelo

The words written and carelessly splashed across the internet and tabloids, like in the article mentioned above, is an example of Words as Weapons. Fantastically (*sarcasm*) folks utilize mediums such as Twatter and Facebook to spread the venom as well, further and faster. Dear commenters and mods on sites supporting the bashing of Rob and Kristen: Do you ever wonder what such public spewage conveys about you? To someone who doesn’t know you from Adam, even your “joking” comments ripping apart a twenty year old girl because of shorts she wears, or nervousness she exudes at public events tells magnitudes about your story. You don’t want to be labeled, you say? 

Stop fashioning your OWN WEAPONS.

At the very least, cultivate awareness when you’re in a public setting (especially Twitter, Facebook, highly-followed blogs)…where you are responsible for influencing hundreds and thousands of “followers” to mindlessly label and bash a young woman…This woman may be someone’s sister, cousin, aunt, mother, girlfriend or daughter, and you essentially gave permission to folks who admire you to act as you do. CHOOSE. YOUR. WORDS. WISELY.

Words are wealthy

Because I’m all about balance…Let’s take a moment to witness some positive words about Kristen Stewart, our perpetually awkward but consistently genuine Royal Rebel, to counterbalance the weaponry hurled by the anonymous and seemingly spiteful blog commenters.

Actor William Hurt Says:

I’ve defended her in public as regularly as I can. I think it’s absurd, that they’re not giving her a break. I think that she’s holding her own, that she’s courageous, that she’s inventive, and that she’s got character oozing out of her, and I say, “Give her a break. Who is she to pander to your idea of what she’s supposed to be?”

Actor/Director Sean Penn Says:
She is “A truth machine”.  Mr. Penn, who cast her as a folk singer with a  serious infatuation in “Into the Wild,” said reports Kristen as “magically easy to direct,” adding, “She is a real force with terrific instincts.”

Legendary Actor Bruce Dern Says:
“She is a one-of-a-kinder. She has a beautiful, knowledgeable face… a hauntedness. Look at Kristen Stewart: she is unique. There are maybe only two other actresses like her, and they’re much older than Kristen.”

A Musings Playlist:
Well, since I wasn’t able to completely move Musings to the new website, I won’t start the Other Soundtrack Giveaway til next week either. But I did want to let you know the playlist is forming beautifully, and I will post a few songs on the playlist below, so you have an idea of what the finalized copy will look like. 

the devils tears:: angus and julia stone

wave of mutilation:: pixies
not afraid:: eminem
addicted to love:: florence + the machine
wake up:: arcade fire
hallelujah:: jeff buckley
….and others

The Featured Rebel Royal segment will also be on hiatus again this week, but we will continue where we left off in learning about new Rebels next week. We will continue to defend and support the awkward, the left-of-center, the unique, the odd, and the extraordinary as long as the detractors and doubters remain out there too. My hope is that we’re finding that there are more of us OTHERS out there than ever. *big grin*. Wishing Rob some restful recuperation time in London with his family. Wishing Kristen luck and strength as she wraps up her On the Road filming sequences this week. Wishing you all continued celebration and acceptance of your Otherness. See you next week. Always, KJ
Rob is Other.
Kristen is Other.
Others choose their words wisely.
Embrace your Other.

16 Responses to “Winning You With Words”

  1. Anonymous September 26, 2010 at 6:26 pm #

    nothing good ever come out after visit the "letters" only to read pathetic and sad women rants.

  2. Savannah Woods September 24, 2010 at 2:51 pm #

    Ew my inner spelling OCD is killing me*I'd*too

  3. Savannah Woods September 24, 2010 at 11:19 am #

    KJ, It's a blessing you use your gift and way with words as a means of encouraging others to build them up not tear them down.Thankfully I don't know which site/letter you're speaking about but if experienced enough crazy in this fandom for it to be only to easy to imagine.I'd rather be slapped straight across the face than have someone slander about me behind closed doors. Today I still carry scars from what people have said from as long ago as my childhood.Like L, even family can unknowingly push you into a stereotype which can shape your perception of yourself for a long time.Mucho kisses to y'allxoxo

  4. MyCleverAlias September 24, 2010 at 10:06 am #

    LOVE. EVERY. WORD.I am a regular reader of your inspiring, empowering posts, though recent work stresses have required my visits to be drive-bys, rather than time to relax and indulge. But this post is just so pitch perfect, it requires some gushing. :)It makes me crazy that a "fandom" can take their love of something (or someONE) and allow that to devolve into hate of something (or someONE) else.Shouldn't being a fan be all about the love? If you don't like something, isn't it easier to ignore it? Aren't these questions elementary? Why is this even an issue?!?Your points about how the nasty words of a few can imply permission for others to perpetuate are so true. Teasing and joking are one thing; you have to have a sense of humor in this crazy, f*cked-up world! But so often the "jokes" are just an excuse for maliciousness. So unnecessary. Life is hard anyway. Why add to the negativity?Words ARE weapons. And the scars they leave behind can be much deeper and more lasting than physical damage. We hear more and more frequently about the pain and suffering caused by online bullying and harassment. Who are these women tearing down OTHER WOMEN and teaching their children that it's okay to anonymously rip another person apart? Would they be okay with their children mimicking this appalling behavior? And what if their children are the TARGETS of such behavior? It's shameful.There are so many of us who adore Kristen Stewart. I hope that if she must read some of the negative commentary, that she also sees the many, many positive things that her fans have to say about her authenticity, her boldness, her humility, her maturity, her desire to grow and challenge herself … and of course her beauty. Thanks, KJ! A pleasure as always. Look forward to seeing your new digs as well. 🙂

  5. teb September 24, 2010 at 8:46 am #

    KJ, you truly have a gift. I am proud to call you my friend. For those of us who have always been "other," I thank you from the bottom of my heart for teaching us to truly embrace who we really are.Love you.

  6. Bouffant September 24, 2010 at 8:41 am #

    Sweet KJ, we are so often on the same wavelength 🙂 This topic has also been on my mind this past week… I loved what you had to say. Very appropriate and VERY wise. People seem to forget that they are "speaking" in public on fan sites and message boards… the lack of accountability makes it easy to be a bully. Perhaps your musings should come with every new computer 😉

  7. cheermom September 24, 2010 at 7:12 am #

    Brilliant KJ!!! Words people choose to use say A LOT about them…it saddens me to know there are so many cruel and heartless people in the world. They need to turn the words they write around on themselves, because by writing the things they do, their true colors are shown.Thank you for this much needed Musings! XOXOXO

  8. nail September 24, 2010 at 6:56 am #

    i didn't read the "letter" and i won't. i don't want to give someone like that any power because words do affect us. sometimes when people use words in that way it's more about themselves than who they are speaking of…..thanks K.

  9. Anonymous September 24, 2010 at 6:50 am #

    Words are wise, because words are knowledge, and knowledge comes from words. When one uses the words they have in their minds with knowledge, they have wisdom. Darling, you did it once again. What a wonderful read for my a.m. coffee. Thank you for inspiring me to see all that "other" has to offer as I stumble my way through this thing called life. Well done. That's one beautifully "other" girl up there and I for one am mighty proud of her. Thank you for not only bringing out the true nature of what others think about her, others that "count" but for showing just how filled with wisdom this young lady is. YOU are a magnificent "other" my dear, and I love you for it.ClogWeildingQueen

  10. Mel452 September 24, 2010 at 6:33 am #

    With so many words of hate out there, your words ring true and pure all the time darl. Great post….and yes words definitely hurt more then a slap. It stays with you longer in places that don't leave bruises. The mind is a funny thing.

  11. DeeDreamer September 24, 2010 at 5:17 am #

    Words most definitely have power. As a fan not only of Kristen but of Rob, I was embarrassed to read the so-called letter of which you speak earlier in the week. It made me feel shame even though the comments reflect 0% of what I think and feel. And lastly, as a caring, decent person who tries very hard to respect other people and withhold judgment, it hurt ME to read those words. Think of what it feels like to be the person those hateful things are directed to.Not cool. Thanks for the post, KJ. We should all use our words very carefully. xo ~DD

  12. Kate September 24, 2010 at 12:02 am #

    KJ,While I'm thinking about the power of words, I must say that yours are always carefully chosen and arranged into the most beautiful compositions. This, once again, is no exception.Why spread hate when it's just as easy, if not easier, to spread love? Why do so many choose to tear others down – whether it be our beautiful Queen of Other Kristen, or those we interact with on a day to day basis? Positive thoughts win over negative ones anyday, and many people would do well to remember that. The world has enough problems without petty and hurtful things added into the mix – let's be the ones that help make this a better place!Love Musings, and love you babe. Until next time!K x

  13. DreamerKind September 23, 2010 at 11:34 pm #

    KJ, So real, so much truth, so needed. Words have power, a good reminder. I'll remember, thanks.

  14. Kj September 23, 2010 at 11:33 pm #

    Hiya @vonch! Thanks hun for stopping by and commenting, and keeping us linked on @TeamKristenSite!! @L ::: Hi sweet friend. Your story is a perfect example of how damaging words can be, and how they inform the way we act, react, and view the world. It only has to be said to us once, and it can have a profound effect. We should always be aware of the power our words hold for others–carelessness can wreak tremendous damage…I have seen you in person my friend..and you ARE strong and beautiful. I am confident your sister is as well. Always, xo, KJ

  15. Anonymous September 23, 2010 at 11:28 pm #

    KJ! Love it. So. Fucking. Much. Little story that adds context. I have a little sister (OK, she's two years younger than me, so she's not exactly "little" anymore, but you get the idea). We were what most people think of when they see a pair of sisters: 1 smart and 1 pretty. I was the smart one. My sis was the pretty one. Seriously. Everywhere we went, my sis was noticed first for her looks. No one cared about how smart she was. I was not noticed for how I looked, but was instead noted for being "mature" and "well-spoken" for a teenager. Fucking kiss of death right there. Anywho, guess what? We both heard it so much, we acted like it. My sis is super smart, but hid it because no one thought she was. She was a beautiful girl with a great rack (this is a direct quote from someone). It didn't matter that math makes sense to her. It made her think she wasn't smart, or that being smart didn't matter because no one cared whether she was smart. And I grew up thinking that I wasn't pretty. No joke, when we were kids and ours parents introduced us to people, they said to my sis, "You're so gorgeous!" And then they'd look at me and say, "Oh, you're pretty too." WTF.The sad part was, these people didn't even stop to think about what they were saying, their tone, anything. In the case of my sister and me, it was pure carelessness/thoughtlessness that did damage to two pretty strong young women (case in point: my sis beat up an older boy with a stick for picking on her when she was 5). Because, in the end, no matter how thick the skin, words hurt. That old nursery rhyme isn't true. Words can hurt, sometimes much more than a smack. They leave marks you can't see and that stay with the victim a long time, even when the victime don't realize it. L

  16. Anonymous September 23, 2010 at 11:02 pm #

    love this nailed it…and I always missed your tweet abt your latest article,that's why I relay on @TeamKristenSite I found out they have your site there…@vonch

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