The Places That Scare You, Part 2

16 Nov

So let go, let go. . .There’s beauty in the breakdown~~Let Go by Frou Frou

Ohai, Monday!! *peeks around with large eyes on an unfamiliar day*. I’m picking up right where I left off from Thursday, my Lovelies. Did you enjoy meeting our Featured Rebel Royal Zooey Deschanel? Well, It’s been yet another incredibly knowing weekend for me, and unbelievably illuminating weekend for our stunning Other Queen Kristen. I’m going to stick to my original plan from last Thursday by finishing up with the theme of pushing through fear and feature our Reigning Other Queen per usual, as well as tell you the stories of the two weeks prior to this essay. The two weeks included numerous Welcome to the Rileys viewings in which I spent a little time with lovely new friends, good friends, and a birthday party weekend that involved sparklers, bonfires, prosecco and a very comfortable and confident Kristen Stewart in her return to the iconic role of Bella Swan. Marking a return to regular publishing, this Thursday’s Musings, will address some of the more recent events (as in, last night) of security breaches, body image and the heartbreak and triumph of truly being OTHER in society. So where were we? Ah yes. HERE.

Annnd they're NOT filming in this moment...

Images and video from the first days of the Breaking Dawn filming began to surface over the weekend of November 6th, the same weekend I was down in my hometown for the soiree weekend commemorating my birth or some silliness like that. It was our first glimpse of Kristen in the vintage nude dress and Michael Kors pumps…and of the comfortable and open nature in which Kristen and Rob expressed their affection for one an other. Those dedicated fans in Brazil caught nearly every possible living, breathing second of time that transpired in those days of filming the honeymoon in Rio de Janeiro.

The anatomy of a high-five as demonstrated by Stewie and Flippy

And of course…some wandering hands…Which REMINDS me:  WHOA, Like, WHOA  you guys sure LOVED the gif at the end of Part 1’s Musings last week! Nearly all the comments and tweets I received in response came from those of you entranced with watching Edward Cullen familiarize himself with his new wife’s …ass..ets.

Well, it's KJ's birthday. Let's give her a gift, mmmkay?

I of course, was on my phone tweeting and texting with CC who was in the same room witnessing this onslaught of awesomeness in the company of Jamie and Kim, and I also was on Twitter with my girl @robkris13 while capturing the images alongside my Cyber Sisters & Readers. Each new picture brought the anticipation of Breaking Dawn (which surprises me since I’m not the biggest fan of that book) and elation in that Kristen and her partner Robert were showing public affection in between takes and throughout the whole night. These DAY ONE pictures only capped off what had already been an incredible week days. I wondered, did the Birthday Goddesses grant me my wish that Kristen and Rob would feel safe and comfortable enough to just be even while in public? Was my sceptre and tiara THAT POWERFUL? Or did my power derive from the pink diamond replica from The Titanic that hung around my neck?

Well I dunno, quite honestly, if the sceptre and tiara were the catalysts behind the epicness that is Day One of Breaking Dawn filming, but I do know that they were the reason why I kept having drinks and desserts comped by pretty-faced, bouffant-sportin waiters (I texted my girl Bouffant and told her the news excitedly about Pretty Waiter’s Bouffant), and why fruity shots and bottles of tasty prosecco were sent our way, generously. Tweet  from CC at 7:20PM:

KSTEWSBTRTHANU

Hottie waiter (with a killer bouffant and pretty face) just picked up @MusingOnOther‘s tab. #thankyouRitz now out for dinner! 7:20 PM

This is what we had been drinking before dinner, when CC sent that text.  Pretty, right? Note the beautiful sunset backdrop. The weather, not surprisingly, was stunning the entire week’s visit in my hometown. Hot, dry and smoggy which made for a breathtaking sunset every night. My girls among the KSIBTU Crew–@kstewsbtrthanu (CC), @just2cusmile (Iris), @jhiggs86 (Jamie) and @kimmcarr (Kim)–picked me  up  while dressed to the nines in sexy dresses and killah heels. We stopped (of course) at In-N-Out, because we are not on a healthy eating plan as the entire Breaking Dawn cast is, at least not this night. We made our way down to the Ritz Carlton Hotel in Orange County, which, for those of you who follow the timeline, know that Kristen and her “deliciously handsome” costar Robert have visited in the past for a low-profile getaway weekend. The view is …is…well…spectacular.

CC and Jamie held it together pretty admirably when a couple of the Real Housewives from Orange County sat down with a group for drinks at the table next to us. All this was going down while an acoustic guitar player, of course, strummed and sang Van Morrison songs (again, in honor of Kristen, Rob and Otherness? perhaps…). With a bit of reluctance, though not enough to keep us from missing out on grubbing on tasty food, we left The Ritz and headed to a small Italian restaurant for dinner nearby.

It was there that  I just became plain ole sloppy. There I was, in my tiara, with my sceptre, my necklaces of bling and Titanic proportions, all Ritz’d out and in the company of fine, fine ladies, when it became of utmost importance for me to…Charge. My.  Phone. It became  such dire necessity because my phone battery had died and I wanted to tweet, text, call The Goddess only knows who, and I knew I could charge my phone in Iris’s car. I thought it made perfect sense to excuse my self from the table to do this. In the car. Which was in the parking lot. I was drizzunk. The girls found my reasoning for trying to tip toe out of the restaurant hysterical.

Tweet from CC @ 9:38PM (post-prosecco, countless shots, comped martinis and a couple saxophone serenades).

OMG @MusingOnOther just tried to get up from te table to chart her phoeb  9:38 PM

My urgent need to charge my phone was Tweet-worthy apparently.  In case you were holding your breath in suspense, I did NOT get up from the table to “chart my phoeb”.  I sat there instead and fondled the baby salt shaker, caressed my beautiful necklaces, and wondered how the hell I became so lucky to be surrounded by such incredible people. What had I done to be rewarded  so blissfully this year? My answer is, essentially, the moral of this two-part essay:

I WENT TO THE PLACE THAT SCARED ME

With the same determination that Kristen Stewart, our Reigning Majestic Mistress of Other, immerses herself in roles to play off-beat, quirky, unusual rebels with resilient spirits who appeal to her soul, I determinedly began pursuing a life that resonated with my soul. To pursue the Creative Life which is filled with music, art, a BoHo Bay Circle, some Musings, Royal Rebels and Kristen Stewart…and was rewarded in ways that were wholly unexpected and light-years beyond any expectations I ever, ever had. I was laid off from my soul-sucking job over one year ago from Bastard Nation, and I walked away from doing psychotherapy and healing so that I could put myself and Hubby N back together again. We did not have any money (uh, thats still the case), we did not have a plan, we did not have a home, we had no idea what our next source of income would be. Despite the fact that I had spent almost ten years developing myself as a licensed mental health practitioner, and despite the fact that I was beginning to earn some decent money and status in my field, I chose to walk away. Scary. As.Fuck. My mother, my colleagues, my husband (maybe just a little) and some of my family members thought I was insane–ok, they still do–and they told me as much. They told me constantly how afraid they were for me. How they feared for my well being. And yeah, not gonna lie, there were moments where I was absolutely devastated and exhausted, and I recognized the bumpy path ahead of me. It was a World of “No”.  But I reconnected with that dormant part of me that wanted to express emotions properly, sing, play piano, write, and because I pushed “PUBLISH” on June 3, 2010, at the encouragement of CC and Bouffant, I opened the door to a positive world, a “Gift of ‘Yes'”, as Kristen says in the wonderful article by Sarah Kuhn for the publication Backstage.

Kristen's *Headdesk* is infinitely better than mine. Better than everyone's. Just sayin.

And The Gift of ‘Yes’ keeps giving…Kristen’s Gift of Yes manifested in the form of a successful franchise such as Twilight allowing her to “keep doing what I’m doing”. She is able to develop and work in projects that may not have had an opportunity before Twilight, such as Welcome to the Rileys, The Runaways, and On the Road. My Gift of ‘Yes’ keeps giving in that I have made the most wonderful friends who are stationed around the world through a fandom that I was merely an observer in, drawn to the charisma of an Indie film actress and a rakish, charming British musician who played the doomed Cedric Diggory in a Harry Potter film. Because I decided to go the scary route, I was able to walk away from psychology for a whole year and return just now, refreshed, thirsty, inspired, and extremely convicted that I can merge Plan A with Plan B, and be delightfully happy about it. Part of why these past 3 weeks have been so powerful for me, is because I was able to integrate my skills as a therapist trained in Satir’s Communication theory, and Carl Jung’s discussion of archetypes with this psych training seminar, into my world that has become important and prominent to me as a result of appreciating Kristen Jaymes Stewart. I realize quite contentedly,  I get to attend clinical psych trainings AND Bonfires with my KSIBTU Girls:

I have the privilege to build a “Magical Little Practice” for psychotherapy on my own terms, but with the knowledge that I am also an Other Queen in training. I have a plethora of positive reinforcers and physical anchors to remind me of this:

Gifts from my KSIBTU Crew girls. More on the KSIBTU Scrabble Tile necklace in the A/N.

I am writing this on Monday, in the aftermath of the HOLY HOTNESS,-KRIS-AND-ROB-ARE-IN-THEIR-BATHING-SUITS!! pics, and the disturbingly invasive video footage obtained through a serious breach in security (or massive bribery of a crew member) which showed our favorite Rebel Royals on set and in their down-time. So on Thursday, I’ll address those matters, but in the highlighting of our Reigning Other Queen today, I wanted to draw attention to an article that I alluded to earlier in this post, in which Her Royal Otherness Kristen spoke of The Gift of ‘Yes’. The  interviewer/writer Sarah Kuhn surveys Ms. Stewart’s career from her discovery in a Christmas play in elementary school up to what the writer refers to as “the recent indie sensation Welcome to the Rileys”. In the midst of a time when the scrutiny is intense on Kristen (you’ve seen the breakdown of a High-Five at the top of this post), this article champions Kristen’s dedication to an authentic portrayal of characters she embodies.

REIGNING OTHER QUEEN: KRISTEN STEWART

Aside for her penchant of posing in ridonk sexxah photo shoots (err, see above: shoes…hose…is that General Lee from the Dukes of Hazzard in the background?), Kristen carries herself with a confidence and certainty that only a child raised in a show-business family can possess. Kristen was discovered by an agent when she was performing in a Christmas play while she was in elementary school. Her script-supervisor/director mother Jules and her TV producer/set-managing father John were always on a set of some sort, and Kristen, finding herself on sets with regularity was curious about “getting a job” in the family business. She always believed she’d be crew, a writer or producer, but when the agent discovered Kristen in that school play, she found herself auditioning for and landing parts in films at age nine. Her breakthrough role as the diabetic daughter of Jodie Foster’s character in Panic Room was granted to her after having to “work [her] ass off for it. It was not a quick thing”. In this writer’s eyes, Kristen appears firmly ahold of strong intuition, and her ability to pick new projects to participate in are solely rooted in her reaction to the story and a compulsion to do “the proper work” to authentically represent her character’s story.

Taking the role of Mallory, the near-broken, simmering and battered stripper/prostitute in Welcome to the Rileys was a decision made by Ms Stewart nearly two years after first reading the Rileys script. She did not believe she held the confidence nor maturity to play the part. She did not film the role until she was eighteen and had completed her work in Twilight. Of course, Twilight, and Kristen’s own path towards Bella Swan is steeped in it’s own now-legendary lore. Director Catherine Hardwicke, like Jake Scott of Rileys discovered Kristen’s unique charisma based on her small but pivotal role in Sean Penn’s haunting film Into the Wild. Hardwicke flew to Pittsburgh to meet Kristen while Kristen was filming the lovely Adventureland and introduce the idea of accepting the role of Bella in the Stephenie Meyer-penned saga. Kristen admits to Backstage, that she could not truly consider the project “of that magnitude”, but after her meeting with Hardwicke (oh Chatty Cathy I adore thee) and actor Jackson Rathbone (yum, btw. For those of you who aren’t Twilight followers, Rathbone is the actor who portrays Jasper Cullen in the films), Kristen found herself invested and hopeful about collaborating with Hardwicke in what was intended to be an “Indie film with a built-in, supportive following”. She had no way of knowing her participation in the Twilight Saga would alter her life so dramatically. However, Ms. Ambassador of Other  is thoughtful and grateful for the success of the franchise. If Kristen doesn’t realize it yet, this writer along with Sarah Kuhn of Backstage certainly are willing to imply: Kristen’s success today is a direct result of her steadfast reliance on instinct, and her courage to push beyond the fear. Her insistence on going to places that scare her has bestowed upon her “The Gift of Yes”.

OFFENSES OF OTHERNESS:

*Prefers the more challenging roles of atypical, non “pretty girls”

*Is filled with a sense of wonder and humility about high-quality projects she’s asked to consider

“I cannot make something work that doesn’t completely speak to me”

Welllllll….It’s super late now on a Monday, but I feel I’ve had the chance to talk a little about the gravity and importance of the past couple weeks for me, manifesting in a two-part Musings about trusting instinct and pushing through the fear. Rewards and opportunities for betterment are abound when we make the efforts to remain authentic despite the varying and numerous surrounding sources cautioning us away from going to the dark place. In psychotherapy and in supervision of psychotherapy (which was the topic of my psych conference these past two weeks), we engage in challenging what frightens us because it uncovers our truest motivations and values, our most authentic selves. In our chosen fields of work, taking the risk and pushing through the dark  may open up more opportunities to participate in projects close to our hearts. In confronting what scares me (and my mother),  walking a path different than what others and society would advise of me, I was lead to Musings, creativity, Kristen Stewart and incredibly enriching friendships with folks who watch Welcome to the Rileys with me, you , anyone  at the drop of a hat, several times (looking at YOU @ellelala, @robkris13, @kstewsbtrthanu @Just2CUSmile and @kimmcarr); wave illegal sparklers in the air (um, burning holes in fingers, much??), consume large quantities of pasta and wine, encourage a broke, unemployed mess of a girl to “PUBLISH”,  “SING” and “SHARE”…the benefits and rewards are extraordinary.

ZOOEY IS OTHER.

KRISTEN IS OTHER.

OTHERS GO TO THE PLACES THAT SCARE THEM, TO UNCOVER THEIR AUTHENTIC SELVES

EMBRACE YOUR OTHER.

Question: Is there something (someone?) that you have avoided challenging in your life for fear of the changes it brings? Have you considered some of the benefits of confronting your fear?

I’ll see you again Thursday to talk a little about the hotness that is Bathing Suit Therapy with Kristen and Rob, Breaking Dawn filming for Days 2-5…Falling In Love, The Ability to be Naked, Breaking Outta The Cage, gross privacy invasions, and The Pretty.  Thanks for hanging with me through this wonky posting schedule, Loves. I adore you madly. xo, KJ

Per usual. Me...awaiting an airplane.

A/N: The beautiful and ultra hip KSIBTU Scrabble Tile Necklace I’m wearing in the picture of my “anchors” is another @JHiggs86 Original. She is hoping to create more necklaces to place on her site at Etsy. Go there. She is insanely talented along with stunningly beautiful and kind. I couldn’t stop staring at her when I met her. CLICK THIS—> JHIGGS ORIGINALS

The Kristen Stewart interview and article I am quoting is Runaway Talent by Sarah Kuhn of Backstage <—CLICK FOR ARTICLE. Published 11/3/10.

Kathryn, thank you for grounding me as I floated away a few times this month. Get your SKYPE ready, we’re scheduling our Business Meetings for the next year now.

Possums Jai and Aai, Mari, Twi2, Macaroni, all my Cyber Sisters and Readers, we have an anniversary approaching, and you have been a huge blessing as a result of our shared love of The Pretty. You ARE my Life Now.

CC, Buff, Bouffant, my Team Other Captains, you push me further. You inspire. Gropages and slobbery confessions of love your way.

To the lovely ladies I met and spent time with in 2D and now in 3D in all my travels to and fro: @ellelala, @edmett @iampancakes, @Drowninit @KPattzNews @Robkris13 you are absolutely the best part of being in this fandom. Incredible and beautiful women you are. All of you.

Lastly, but not leastly, of course: MY KSIBTU Beloveds@KStewsbtrthanu, @Just2CUSmile, @KimmCarr @JHiggs86, I’ll NEVER LET GO. #iloveplayingwithfire #DoYOUknowtheGermanNationalAnthem? #Bonfires #INnOUT #WTTR #Sunsets #TeamRosendo #Froyo . Thank you for the most incredible birthday party. EVAH.

Watch your fingers, CC, my love. Serio. Not all CVSs are open 24 hrs.

9 Responses to “The Places That Scare You, Part 2”

  1. takemetobliss November 23, 2010 at 9:02 pm #

    Ok.

    Any playlist that houses “Let Go” by Frou Frou is a winner in my book because Garden State is one of my all-time favorite movies and well, it plays in it.

    Second, I think I need to head back to Orange County stat so that I can enjoy a sunset at the Ritz. I love Orange County. I swear part of my heart is in California. Which makes it even funnier that I got dumped for California. Read: I really need to email you.

    I love love loved this post as always and I apologize for commenting so late! Exciting things are happening in my life and as always, I’m following my bliss and taking risks. I know you whole heartedly approve.

    I am so glad you took a chance and hit “Publish”. I can’t imagine my life had I not met such an incredible talented woman such as yourself xx

  2. Mel452 November 17, 2010 at 8:40 pm #

    As usual love your postings darl.

    Not going to lie, am jealous of how many times you have seen WTTR but also completely ecstatic for you hehe! I have seen it and hope to see it again when its released nationally here. It’s a special lil movie for so many reasons. Including how its brought so many strangers together from all over the world and through each other we have some how found ourselves. Kind of sounds similar to the storyline in the movie, no? ❤

    Brazil aaarghh…adoro! All I can say on that week with Rob and Kristen…am in love with them being in love.

    Note to self: Remember to say "yes" more often. 🙂

    Glad that you had an awesome time with your friends too – looks incredible.

    Mwah!

  3. Jamie November 17, 2010 at 5:27 pm #

    KJ? YOU couldn’t stop staring at ME?! Please. I couldn’t stop staring at YOU. And those lips. And that voice of yours? I could listen to you talk all day!!

    I seriously had one of the most amazing times of my life with you ladies!! The day of the bonfire and Laguna are in my Top 10 for sure. I find myself often remembering random things from those nights (shocking considering how drunk I was) and just find myself laughing hysterically.

    Thank you for the weekly Musings. Thank you for always supporting my artwork. Thank you for being you and for being awesome.

    I adore you.

    I love you.

    I miss you.

  4. robkris13 November 17, 2010 at 3:36 am #

    Sweet Sister:

    Once again your words ring true and are very powerful…well done!

    Many times I have challenged myself to walk through my fears and found FREEDOM on the other side of the process. There’s nothing more freeing than not being afraid of something or someone…I love that you call it The Gift of Yes because it truly is!

    You are truly a blessing in my life! Thank you for including me in a very small way in this beautiful post of Musings!

    It was so much fun to take you to lunch for your birthday and share good food and conversation. The joy of seeing the Rob and Kristen balcony pics with you will be a memory etched in my heart for eternity!

  5. DeeDreamer November 16, 2010 at 2:01 pm #

    “My Gift of ‘Yes’ keeps giving in that I have made the most wonderful friends who are stationed around the world through a fandom that I was merely an observer in…”

    ^^^^THIS IS IT.

    But beyond the insanely fabulous way you have of expressing my thoughts and feelings about Kristen, Robert, my Twi-obsession and this sometimes-crazy fandom…THANK YOU for encouraging me to blow bubbles in the face of the scary stuff of life. Reading ‘Musings’ gives me more and more bravery each and every time.

    <3s x infinity. ~DD

  6. ladybug November 16, 2010 at 12:00 pm #

    I’ve read this blog a few times (per recomendation of CC) but have never commented before. You are incredibly articulate and tought provoking.

    This post really spoke to me, I have been completely held back by fear (professionally) for the past 3 years. It just got to the point where I couldn’t even see how to get out, but I’m dealing with it and making my way now.

    I guess becoming a Kristen fan has helped me deal with a lot of that, she’s truly a great example of someone who wasn’t afraid to do the things that spoke to her.

    Keep up the good work! I’ll definitely be coming back.

    PS: JHiggs is going to be the death of my bank account, now I need that necklace!

    • KJ November 16, 2010 at 12:51 pm #

      Well, I am so glad you stopped by and left some articulate and kind words, my dear! I greatly appreciate and am humbled by your kind compliments. I understand completely what it’s like to hold back in fear. I commend you on acknowledging the fear and making your way now. Kristen is absolutely an incredible model, it’s why I fashioned this whole little blog after her–she represents courage, intuition and Beauty on new levels completely. And YES, JHiggs will be the death of me too. I NEVER take this necklace off (it’s a Scrabble tile with the letter “K” on it!), and my JHIGGS KSIBTU Crew Painting is beside my bed. It’d be creepy if it weren’t all outta love. (pondering…I hope she knows this). When you come back, my dear, drop by and say hi once in awhile, and let me know how your pathway to bliss is going! xx, KJ

  7. sjtl November 16, 2010 at 1:25 am #

    Wow..I loveee this post..Well done..” Kristen’s success today is a direct result of her steadfast reliance on instinct, and her courage to push beyond the fear. Her insistence on going to places that scare has bestowed her “Gift of Yes”.”..I totally agree with you on this..Sometimes in order for us to gain wisdom or to discover ourselves and life itself is by stepping up and embracing our fears..and our chance to step up at times will be based on our instincts, our own spontaneity ..There are people who are much more experienced than us and we never get the chance to experience what they had experienced however fulfilling those may be because we are too scared to try..as they say for you to make it you have to ..in Filipino we call it “magmamatangmatapang ka na nga or lakasan mo na nga ang loob mo ” be gutsy..be bold and brave especially when the situation calls for it..with that I really admire Kstew:)

    • KJ November 16, 2010 at 12:47 pm #

      Hi hun! So glad you stopped by and left such articulate thoughts! Hardest thing I’ve ever had to do is acknowledging that my fears prevent me from achieving the success or bliss or connection I desire. Still working through this…I like this “Be gutsy…be bold and brave…” Go Forth. As Kristen does. She is absolutely worthy of admiration with all the courage she models to us. xx, KJ

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