Gratitude for Stew and You

24 Nov

The personal life deeply lived always expands into truths beyond itself. ~~Anais Nin

Hello, Beauties! Happy Thanksgiving Eve to those who celebrate this holiday. *Pauses. Clears throat. Adopts PSA Voice.* I really don’t think it’s fair to anyone (most of all, you) to kick this long-overdue essay off with apologies. So, I won’t take any more time away from Musings to explain the numerous and varying events influencing whether or not I could write in the past week, lending to a delay in posting. Just know that I have missed interacting with you and those of you who have been my cheerleaders (Hi, @deedreamer16, Periwinkle, @robkris13, OJ, @MoosikFreak , My Manager Kathryn *tearful goodbye*, @TheUrbanWhisk) I have a ginormous, overflowing wheelbarrow of gratitude for you . Aha! How apt! It’s the day before our Tryptophan Tradition (or perhaps mash potatoes and green bean casseroles for the non-meat-eaters) here in The States in which we celebrate collaboration, friends, family and gratitude. What are your plans, my Majestic Misfits?

err. This image is entitled: “The Absolute Antithesis of KJ”.                            Although I do dig the red dress. 

When we last were together, we enjoyed the fruits of the interview our Reigning Queen Kristen gave to Sarah Kuhn of Backstage. You also accompanied me through the retelling of my drunken birthday adventures in which I stopped for a moment and wondered how the hell I was so blessed, as 90-year old (give or take 15 years) saxophone player serenaded me with his rendition of Van Morrison’s Brown-Eyed-Girl and I swayed happily alongside him with a tiara on my head and Titanic’s Heart of the Ocean Necklacedraped around my neck. I recognize that  lot of the fortune in my life is on account of my own doing and a personal quest to break through the fear that bound me to Plan B (Convention. BastardNation. Living to work, not working to live). However, I recognize that much of the prosperity I have the privilege of enjoying attests to many factors…to which I dedicate today’s Musings. In honor of shopping lists and To-Do boxes to check off in preparation for Thanksgiving, I am preparing my own LIST (oh the office supply-lover in me is doing cartwheels of joy) to share with you today…



Oh I realize it might be a bit odd for me to pay respect to Jeff Spicoli here. But the controversial, Oscar-award-winning, paparazzi-punching (fuck yeah!), political-advocate (or detriment, depending on whom you speak with) is an integral, essential reason for introducing us to a talented, versatile and one-of-a-kind actress by the name of Kristen Stewart. It was Sean Penn’s keen eye that recognized Queen Kristen’s raw and startling talent. He cast her in the small 2007  film he directed called Into the Wild as Tracy, a young girl in a trailer park, enamored with Emilie Hirsch’s vagabond Chris. Penn praised Kristen in saying:

“[Stewart] is magically easy to direct…She’s a real force with terrific instincts..”

Sean Penn then went on to recommend Kristen as a viable actress to legendary, brilliant talents such as Robert DeNiro, James Woods, and Jake Scott. And Kristen, whose screen time in Into the Wild was perhaps only 15 minutes long, managed to ensnare and enchant other filmmakers including Catherine Hardwicke, Greg Mattola and a one Mr Robert Pattinson because of Penn’s introduction of Ms. Stewart. Since he was the mastermind behind the hauntingly beautiful movie Into the Wild , which in turn became the catalyst in Kristen’s career, I am grateful for SEAN PENN.


Ahhhhh. Poor, sweet, tragic Cedric Diggory. I firstly should bow down to the brilliant J.K. Rowling, for many reasons, but for certain, one of them being she is who conjured up a Hufflepuff Prefect with a kind heart from her own imagination. Cedric Diggory’s decided fate triggered a domino effect of change and tragedy in the remaining stories in the series about a boy wizard. (I’ll take some time soon to gush and rave about the film adaptation Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows another time, but OHMAHGAWD, I thought it was incredible and unexpectedly moving).  The name Diggory first appeared in text in the third Harry Potter book, The Prisoner of Azkaban. However, we didn’t fullly realize and appreciate the gorgeous and tender-hearted Quidditch Seeker named Cedric until the fourth novel, The Goblet of Fire was adapted to film, and a British teenager named Robert Pattinson landed his first film role in his portrayal of Cedric. Because it was this character’s role that became the catalyst for Rob’s career, and therefore an integral reason behind why I’m writing Musings at all, CEDRIC DIGGORY is much, much appreciated.


For many of you, I won’t really need to explain my gratefulness for the Texan-born director of such films as Lords of Dogtown and Thirteen. Catherine Hardwicke was placed at the helm of directing and casting a small independent movie called Twilight in 2007. As her background was in architecture and design, I’d say our Cathy had a predisposition for crafting a compelling story. Catherine knew that Twilight had a devout following in readers of the books, but she carried the responsibility of translating it onto screen in a believable, respectful manner. She was cognizant that she was drafting a film based on material that could potentially be construed as gratuitous and hokey (those who read the Twilight books who did not love them often criticized the story as such), so she focused on the fundamental concepts of the series: The love story between the main protagonists, Edward Cullen and Bella Swan. In interviews, Catherine, in her sweet, sometimes tangential anecdotes, spoke of her awareness that without a believable Edward and Bella, there would be no Twilight. Ms. Hardwicke found her Bella first, when she glimpsed a young actress by the name of KRISTEN STEWART in Sean Penn’s Into the Wild (Remember we spoke of Synchronicity? Uh huh. Into the Wild was a pivotal event for Kristen, presenting her with her “Gift of Yes”). Hardwicke flew to Pittsburgh where Kristen was filming Adventureland to pitch the beginning ideas of Bella Swan.

“She [Kristen] had this longing and vulnerability that I felt was important for Bella to have…and she expressed it in a deep and important way…I loved her. I loved the idea of Kristen as Bella.”

I get it, Cathy. I do.

When it was time to cast Edward for the film, many months had passed into the casting process, and thousands of young men were considered. The casting director narrowed down the enormous list to approximately 50 hopefuls, and Catherine read with and auditioned  four of those fifty. . . it’s now steeped in Twilight legend in that Kristen read live with the four “Semi-Finalists” as Catherine refers to them, but could not find the electricity, the spicy friction that exists between Edward and Bella. Ms. Hardwicke reports calling all her staff, assistants and casting directors and begged them to search one more time for a young man between the ages of 17 and 25 to play Edward. Her assistants approached Hardwicke with a headshot and IMDb bio of a British musician called Robert who was in a Harry Potter film a couple years earlier. When Robert was brought in for a reading, Catherine reports feeling the “electricity, the buzz between them [Kristen and Robert]. Their chemistry was palpable…. It had to be Rob”. And Kristen, our resident Bullshit Detector and Truth Magnet concurred. The rest, as they say, is history. Because she directed and guided a film with her Indie sensibility, and that film later would launch an enterprise; plus she united twin souls and rebellious beauties in the process, I GIVE THANKS for CATHERINE HARDWICKE.



Um. I don’t even know where to begin with this particular gratitude, since it spawned such a catalytic reaction with, like, everyone, and it broached absolutely essential topics of  having the rights to privacy, body image, self-esteem, and beauty. Perhaps that’s why I’m citing this event on my Thanksgiving List, because the pictures that triggered the discussion on these important subject matters provoked fandom interaction, international negotiations, new appreciation and a new level of awareness. On a small island near Paraty, Brazil, our Rebellious Royals were filming honeymoon scenes for the film Breaking Dawn. Beach frolicking and waterfall sight-seeing requires the actors to strip down, and so, well… they did.

this eventually is the EW cover via twilighteranonymous

Not gonna lie, when I first caught glimpses of these photos, my jaw dropped to the ground and I stared for maybe ten minutes before I slapped myself back to the present. First off,  I must say, our Warrior Poet Rob looks fantastic, obviously benefitting from his bike rides around the University lakes in Louisiana. And our Reigning Queen? Yeah. I think we have our definitive answer as to why she is ROYALTY. In my opinion, Kristen is glorious. She is fit, healthy and most importantly, confident.

So of course I found myself seething when commenters hiding behind anonymous screen names or Twi-inspired monikers began ridiculing, snickering and tearing apart Kristen (and Rob’s) physical physiques on public discussion boards. “Fans” (or, not-really-fans) began scrutinizing and holding discussions about her physical anatomy including her lady parts, chalking up reasons why she was in fact not beautiful. When a rogue and completely unethical Brazilian photographer captured pictures of Rob and Kristen in their private, off-set time, in which Rob was in his boxer briefs, and Kristen was wearing a different bathing suit top than the one for filming (which was absolutely sheer when wet), particularly offensive websites began writing whole posts dedicated to Kristen’s nether regions and her–in their eyes– less-than-satisfactory body shape (I can’t even begin to fathom their justifications. Nucking Futs–yes that is the clinical term).

She doesn’t even need a Wind Machine! Uh, Rob? Eyes up HERE. *points to K’s face*, though I can appreciate your appreciation of Our Queen’s Beauty.

There was no acknowledgement that these two people were victims of serious privacy invasion. There was no mention of the fact that it’s actually quite a courageous thing that Kristen did–walk around nearly naked in public for the sake of work, beneath a huge magnifying glass. Question: COULD YOU DO THAT?? More alarmingly, at least to me, was that all of this enabling of public exposure contributed to an event in which an undercover Brazilian reporter breached the Breaking Dawn set, and videotaped Kristen and Rob in their private moments, not filming, and off-camera. Nothing was too revealing, although the pictures indicated that this intruder and his video camera, came disconcertingly close to Kristen–physicallywithin touching range. Too Close. Ok, that is SCARY, guys. It is already disheartening to see these actors’ personal lives exploited, but it’s a whole new level when considering their physical safety from harmful or overzealous “fans” or paparazzi Vultures. This breach in security (um, perhaps bribery?) supposedly (and finally!!) prompted the film’s studio, Summit (intake of breath, hisssss) to call for a meeting to re-evaluate the privacy and safety of the film’s actors.

These pictures were released around the same time I was down on my third pass to my hometown for my psych seminar. I admitted to you all that I encountered some challenges to my Otherness while down there, touching on issues of career choice, relationships, body image and gender role expectations. I’ll delve into the subject another Musings, but the harsh public reaction to these pictures in combination with the hometown emotional confrontations took their toll on me, which contributed to my delay in even writing about these monumental times. But these pictures, of our very fit and confident (i.e. beautiful) Rebels, have indeed sparked an appreciation in me. I am GRATEFUL for BRAZILIAN WATERFALLS.


Our rebels, of course, went forth as professionals and in a way that enhanced and openly featured their real-life affection for one another, both during filming and not. There were piggy back rides,

lip service of mutual admiration,

Chess strategizing…

the sharing of smokes…. (@greenangelice, did you not die when you saw this?)

And so while I struggled this week with breaking through gender roles placed upon me, writer’s block, insecurity surrounding my body and my hair (those of you with or without hair know what Imma sayin); moments of sheer panic about my pursuit of Bliss, exhaustion from 6 flights, a two-weekend psychology training, which required me to write  a philosophy paper, and a roundtrip road exscusion along the coast, I am exceedingly grateful for Robert and Kristen’s visual reminder to me that SHARING IS CARING, and that everything, everything is better, smoother, prettier, more effective and powerful when we COLLABORATE.


The theme, appropriately so, for this week’s Thanksgiving Musings is Gratitude. I am grateful for the Rebel Royal, the Majestic Misfit, the Beautiful, Unconventional Ambassador of Other, our Reigning Queen, Kristen Stewart. Without her role modeling of what a strong, unique, intelligent, fiercely dressed, authentic, courageous, grounded and lovely woman could be, there would be no Musings. I would not have met some of the most incredible artists, writers, musicians, students, intellects, teachers, friends, Other-Supporters if it hadn’t been for the resurgence of Kristen, this generation’s Smart Girl.

Courtesy of KBitch’s Tumblr

Courtesy of the sublimely named: ItsOkToNOTbeOK


And finally, but in my mind, most importantly, I am grateful for …YOU.  I wouldn’t even be here today, rambling on about Thanksgiving gratitudes and the joys of Collaboration, without the unwavering support of Musings Readers and friends, a large majority of whom I met through this fandom. In Spring of 2008, I was simply an admirer of an actress named Kristen and an actor named Robert, and flying high from a little romantic story involving vampires, humans and Teeth Babiesthat I avoided reading for months because of my own predisposed judgments. I knew of my 3D friends who were  teachers, therapists, writers, musicians, artists and UnderCover Others, aimless bliss-seekers and Majestic Misfits, but we hadn’t convened in this powerful way  just yet. Nearly two years ago, I thought I was alone in my appreciation of Kristen Stewart and Other Rebels, but between my experiences online through E!, Twitter, meeting my CYBER SISTERS & READERS and my KSIBTU Crew, melding these folks from 1& 2D into 3D, blending them with my 3D crew… you lovelies have me seeing STARS.  You have established a connection with me through numerous and varying channels (Twitter, Email, Tumblr, Comments)to remind me of the undeniable power of collaboration and the pride in being OTHER. You remind me WE ARE NOT ALONE.  I humbly bow down to you, and with awe and utmost respect, I THANK YOU.  I am yours completely, KJ

See how well we fit together? 





QUESTION: There are several questions I’ve thrown out there to you in the Thanksgiving Edition of Sentence Completion Fun on the About KJ page…Check it.

Example: What is your favorite Thanksgiving Food? . . . What body part of your own would YOU save for posterity?

A/N: Have a wonderful THANKSGIVING. Again, thank you for flowing with me as I belligerently barrel through limitations and writer’s block; moments of insecurity, and bouts of exhaustion. You are never, never, far from my thoughts and heart.

Special acknowledgement to my Sister PUSS, my niece MONKEY, my big brother CHEW. You are my #1 support team.

Tearful goodbyes and sniffle-sobs to Kathryn, Keiron and L. I will see you soon on Skype. We have some serious business to pursue. I’ll keep the candle burning in the window so you can find your way back safely. #BoHoBayCircle

Buff, CC, Bouffant… you complete me.

My CYBER SISTERS/READERS: Happy Anniversary, Ladies.

I’ll see you all next week. We’ll talk Otherness, In N Out, Eclipse Commentaries, and the movement to stop the destruction of Others.

Carry On.

xx, K

20 Responses to “Gratitude for Stew and You”

  1. Puss December 2, 2010 at 9:09 am #

    Great post. I love that you share your gifts. I’m thankful for my BEAUTIFUL sister.

  2. Em November 29, 2010 at 4:01 pm #

    Beautiful post. Thank you!

  3. LCMom November 28, 2010 at 6:02 pm #

    K – another wonderful, thoughtful and mature post. Thanks for sharing brave things with us! You’re words are so inspiring! xx

  4. Mon November 25, 2010 at 10:29 pm #

    KJ, you and CC from KSIBU are two awesome bloggers!!!~

    Yeah, Sean Penn is the forever No.1 on my thank you list. Into The Wild has brought so many opportunities to Kristen and for which I’m very grateful.

    I also give my thanks to KStew. She demonstrates to all girls and women that we can be just the way we are and we could live our lives more freely and happily without pretense nor fitting into standards.

  5. Michelle November 25, 2010 at 10:14 pm #

    Far better to live your own path imperfectly than to live another’s perfectly. – a little gem from Bhagavad Gita, as found on a tumblr…because sharing is caring indeed.

    This was a beautiful post, thank you KJ. Ah Rio was so good to the fandom. The chess game? Killed me. I cannot wait to find out what in the heck that is all about! They look so at ease and happy while filming…makes me smile.

    I’m so grateful for this crazy fandom…it’s brought me to so many amazing ladies, including you. Thank you for helping us all embrace our Other. xx

  6. ladybug November 25, 2010 at 9:43 am #

    Well this Thanksgiving thing is actually starting to make sente… I’m thinking about impletmenting it across the ocean, we could use a holiday right now!

    Reading your post made me thankful that there are people like you in this fandom, people that make it their point to emphasize the great jobs these actors are doing sometimes at the cost of their personnal space.

    We don’t do Thanksgiving here so I’m not aware of all the food that goes into it, but I hear mashed potatoes are in order and I could eat those everyday, so let’s go with that!

    Body part for posterity? Err…My most unique feature is my hair. It looks like crap most days but on a good day, my big brown corkscrew-curled hair would be it.

    Have a great holiday!

  7. EACNM November 25, 2010 at 9:26 am #

    Dearest K,
    Thank you! As always you inspire me! Well said and well summed up! Rob and Kristen certainly seem to take what comes at them with grace and poise, IMO! So on this day of giving thanks, I give thanks for the LOVE of Rob and Kristen!

  8. Mari aka PR aka Pai November 25, 2010 at 12:10 am #

    K, what can I say Bravissima!!!!! I am thankful for YOU, I am thankful for our cyber sisters and for us bringing the virtual to real. Thanks for spending time with me when you came to town, it meant the world to me. Luv u hun
    Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!

  9. DanO November 24, 2010 at 9:17 pm #

    Thank you, KJ, for your post tonight. I haven’t been ready to enter that sentiment as of yet, but your words have pointed my thoughts into the direction in which I can share the better parts of myself with those that need me. I share your list — each one of those individuals have impacted me. Watching Sean grow from an angry, talented young man to an altruistic citizen is inspiring. As for his role in showing Kristen to the world, that perhaps was one of his best contributions in a very fine resume of work. I also appreciate Katherine for making that flight to Pittsburg. Of course the folks in my life here will get their due tomorrow, but tonight I will also add Kristen and her Robert to the list, for soldiering on through the bs to show us all an abundance of love and beauty. Thanks again, KJ.

  10. Indiapale November 24, 2010 at 9:14 pm #

    Wonderful column K-
    Happy Thanksgiving to you!!
    My favorite Thanksgiving food is a toss up between the turkey and the stuffing but tomorrow I am going out to dinner and plan on having a nice steak.

  11. Aai November 24, 2010 at 8:37 pm #

    Luff u Possum. beautiful musings, as always. Happy Anniversary to you too, and to us all!

  12. Misty November 24, 2010 at 8:04 pm #

    Happy Thanksgiving, KJ. I am thankful for sites like yours and KSIBTU who give us fans a positive place to hang out. Dude, and who knew Spicoli would be so important and insightful. That is great stuff.

  13. DeeDreamer November 24, 2010 at 7:59 pm #

    So, so many things to be thankful for this year as I prepare for our Thanksgiving tomorrow…I’m grateful to have “met” you, my dearest. I’m humbled to be mentioned here; I can’t tell you how it touches h heart!! I couldn’t be more proud to be “OTHER”. xoxo ~DD

  14. Matt November 24, 2010 at 7:26 pm #

    I’ll be thankful for you and your joyful spirit. You always make us look just beyond the moment to see what is being represented. I appreciate that. Have a great Thanksgiving.

  15. takemetobliss November 24, 2010 at 6:51 pm #

    What does gratitude mean to me? It is what I have towards the universe for bringing you into my life ❤

    I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday – I'm sorry I didn't wish you this in my email to you earlier, we of course already had our thanksgiving in October so it wasn't in my working memory at the time (or I hadn't had enough coffee yet)

    My favorite Thanksgiving food is totally the stuffing. Which I missed out on this year because I had just returned from NYC. Boo.

    The body part I'd save for posterity? Perhaps my eyes? I've been told they are my best feature and they have witnessed some amazing things in their 26 years that I wish I could share with everyone.

    I seriously look forward to the day my travels take me to San Fran and I can sit in awe of you! You are a wonderful human being and I am forever grateful to know you. xx

  16. Cheermom November 24, 2010 at 5:28 pm #

    KJ…I am thankful to you for creating this Musing to highlight the other in all of us!! You have such a way with words…you are truly inspiring!!! I am also thankful for my cybersisters who I have had the privilege of getting to know over the past year…it is so nice to not be alone in my “other” and to have met so many beautiful women who inspire me daily!!

    This was a beautiful post!!!

    Happy Thanksgiving!!!

  17. Periwinlle November 24, 2010 at 5:15 pm #

    You are brilliant and so insightful. I am amazed at your ability to take a jumble of posts, criticisms, sightings and interactions and then process and interpret them into an amazing, supportive, insightful blog. I’m proud of you and THANKFUL that you are so generous to share your wonderful musings with us. Xoxo

  18. Bellsy-Bai November 24, 2010 at 4:58 pm #

    Kai…First, I need to hug you hard for identifying and thanking the players in this magnificent, albeit sometimes crazy, fandom. Those important individuals that you have highlighted today are those for whom I am also incredibly grateful for. If these lovely and talented individuals and synchronocity *wink* hadn’t all aligned as destiny had apparently meant for them to, I would never had met you and all of my wonderful, talented, funny, comforting and supportive cybersisters!!

    So on the eve of this meaningful and important holiday, I just want you to know that I am grateful for YOU…and for being a “Majestic Misfit” myself and for being able to count myself amongst your wonderful collection of friends!! Have a blessed holiday….eat, drink and be merry!!

    And…a special wish that our Fave Rebel Couple….Robert and Kris….have a quiet, relaxing, private, and peaceful holiday together…spent exactly the way that they want to spend it!! *hugs, smooches and many, many thanks*


  19. Savannah November 24, 2010 at 4:43 pm #

    Aw this nearly had me choked up, between you and CC you’re making me on #sappybitch tonight.
    This was perfect, we’re all mutually thankful to the same root which eventually left us wound up here and bonds us together. At this rate of going I’m thinking I’m declaring worldwide thanksgiving 🙂

    I would freeze my eyes because they are the one part of my body I don’t get mad at and they serve me so well when surveying such beauty as ORQ displays in splendour! Plus no one eats eyes 😉

    Missed convening too KJ

    Happy Thanksgiving everyone

  20. ClogWeildingQueen November 24, 2010 at 4:13 pm #

    Bing to da O!….Good job bb…GOOD JOB…Lots to be thankful for ‘eh?

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