The Season for Perspective

16 Dec

Well, my Lovelies, it’s that wonderful time of year. Christmas, Hanukkah, NYEve and New Year’s Day…New resolutions, frenzied shopping and oh my goodness the sweet treats! The carols! The lights! The movies and music! The fudge. The old-school TV specials! (Did anybody else watch It’s A Yogi Christmas? ‘Heeeey, Boo Boo’, says Yogi Bear, not Rob via the Eclipse Commen-tree). **PSA ANNOUNCEMENT: This is the first of many, many references to Robert Thomas Pattinson I will make in this post. For those of you “fans” who write me to yell at and insult me for even alluding to Rob on what you think is  supposed to “only be a Kristen Blog”, you have been warned. Perhaps you might want to skip this post. Because I’m going to talk a lot about  Our Reigning Queen Kristen in addition to her professional and personal mate Robert, who is also a Featured Royal Rebel and Ambassador of Other.**

Well,  I’m typing with cold, stiff fingers today since N and I try to keep our utility bills low by running the heater only when necessary (blue lips, chattering teeth), but we’re blessed in that it rarely gets to that point. I won’t dare speak about “cold”, since as a Cali native and resident, I may not truly experience the cold that say, my friend Sav does in Ireland, or my mid-westie Sisters. They’ve IM’d or written emails this week indicating their thermometers say it’s -10 degrees F. I have no idea what that means. Seriously. This is what I’m hearing: “It’s cold, fuckers!!. I know this because my eye lashes froze, and my car handle broke off, and I have to shovel snow off the driveway…but my teeth are chattering too hard and our power went out…and..and…”

Ok, even FrozenStew trumps all. Recognize.

So I’ve been pleased that NinjaStew has managed to stay under the radar per her usual stealthy self. It isn’t about what we want for Kristen and Rob. It’d be lovely to glimpse her beautiful face again sure, but I’m much happier knowing that she is immersed in work and remaining out of the limelight because it’s what she prefers. And that’s what today’s essay will be about: Refocusing. Shifting lenses of perspective from which we view our surroundings, ourselves, Kristen and our fellow Others. While we may be hankering for a glimpse of our Reigning Other Queen and her Deliciously Handsome Poet Warrior, Kristen and Rob have both made it abundantly clear that they prefer to proceed through their daily existence with little to no attention paid to them. Of course, they acknowledge that they have extremely high profile professions, and there are public appearances and press junkets they are required to attend for the J-O-B (but oh how we appreciate how well they clean up). . .

But both Kristen and Rob, though Kristen more adamantly, express their hope of keeping their personal lives private, and separate from their work world. I think it’s good to be reminded of this about our Reigning Royalty. So how are we going to prompt ourselves to keep perspective?  I suggest we bring awareness back to basics and…oh, yes. LOVE. We’re gonna talk about LOVE today.

Why? you may ask. Well, for a few reasons. . .

1. I keep saying I’ll write about Love for Musings. Just trying to keep my promise.

2. It’s the holiday season, and it’s not uncommon to become overwhelmed with all the details: food, shopping, party-planning, work stats, obligations, bills, being nice to family  members you really despise, the influx of memories. And why  do we decide to gather, celebrate, sing, cry or passionately argue, laugh, and dance  at all? Oh yeah. LOVE.

3. It’s the end of another year in this nutty but passionately colorful fandom. While there are several subsets and sub-subsets of support for Twilight, Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, what is the common denominator of it all? LOVE. See, whether its love of the original Twilight books and the spin off into the outrageously addictive Twi Fan Fiction; or whether we’re drawn to the movies and therefore the actors portraying young protagonists navigating timeless and somewhat obsessive and  passionate feelings for one another…it’s L-O-V-E.

4. We need the reminder of what it’s about every now and again. That perspective shake up I talked about earlier, we need it. We forget it. Even though it’s all around us.


This week, a picture was–regardless if by accident or not–released online featuring our Royal Rebels Kristen and Robert posing in front of a Christmas tree with Rob’s parents in what appears to be the living room with a European-style layout and design. Rob, with a mane that rivaled a Serengeti lion’s, had one arm around his mother and another arm wrapped around Kristen with her shorter, black bob, their fingers interlaced on her shoulder. The picture is clearly from last year. The picture clearly intimates several loving factors:

a. It simply solidifies and confirms the Paris hand-holding pics that had been scooped the previous month, Nov ’09. They are continuing to display their affection for and with each other.

b. It was a year ago. Friends, from my observations over the past two years, Kristen and Rob have given every indicator that they’ve been close and quite fond of one another for so much longer than people really understand. And yet. . .there are still folks who doubt they are an authentic relationship. #Nonsensicals

c. Rob’s parents were in the picture with them. At Christmas time. Who do you spend your big holidays with? Your family. Whether by blood or by bonds of friendship that are just as potent as blood, holiday gatherings are amongst family. To me, this picture indicates that Rob and his parents consider Kristen, apart of their family.

It was a lovely picture, but I did not post or retweet it because I felt that it was clearly a private moment not meant to be seen (consumed, shredded) by the public. But even in the minute of looking it over, I could identify the tell tale signs that Kristen and Rob (and his parents) were both so very happy.

Then my feelings of foreboding and sadness flooded in because I don’t think the Pattinson Family’s private photos should be open to fodder and dissection, nor Kristen or Robert’s personal lives. And then the drama unleashed. High profile “fans”/”shippers” in the Twi-fandom began publicly bashing and shaming other fans for enjoying “the private” photo too much, all while claiming that they’ve possessed it for many months prior, this private family photo mind you; and, the division between “Insiders” and “just regular fans” was ripped farther apart (because didn’t you know that there is a hierarchy of fans in this community? *inserts sarcasm*). Websites/blogs were publishing the photo so fast that before you could say, “Twilight Saga, Breaking Dawn” (and let’s face it, that’s a mouthful too, but whatev), the tweets grew to the tens of thousands. The tweets posted were  public arguments about who had the right to publish which photos and when….annnnd the insults were traded, and standoffs were initiated, “judgements” handed down. Uh, WTF JUST HAPPENED??  Where did the semblance of perspective disappear to? Did Rob and Kristen really trigger a Twitter War with a Christmas photo?? So the focus was lost, the perspective had shifted so far away from the original idea of supporting a couple of awkwardly charming, shy and gifted artists who loved their craft and have love for one another.

Rob to Kris: Maybe if we stand here really quiet and still, the masses will run right past us and not notice. Kris: Good plan.

Suddenly it wasn’t about the love anymore. Overlooked in the petty fighting was the message depicted by that private picture: The family love. The loving relationship that Kristen and Rob more visibly share. The love of love which brought many of us into this fandom in the very beginning, years ago. Suddenly, it was like the Twi Fandom and Twitter had begun enacting the battleground  strategy that propelled the plot for Eclipse: Who can wrestle control of as many “red dots”  (followers, fans) as possible? Who is faster at posting an exclusive photo? Who has the most followers on Twitter (because that number indicates almighty TRUTH of a person’s status and level of integrity amongst the fans, right?)?? Whom is entrusted with “insider” information? Nope. I’m not hearing anything about the privacy and protection of Kristen and Rob or their families in these fights, except maybe to further their own agenda.


There are a few ways we can help out our Fellow Majestic Misfits and balance out the focus, and return to the basics.

1. Honor the request for personal privacy; Focus on the work. Ok, so you all know obviously, that I support Kristen and Rob  (separately and together). I am concerned by the shift that some of the better known “shippers” in the community have undergone in the past year. It feels that the focus has drifted and it’s no longer about simply celebrating the careers and personal happiness of two artists who are intelligent, unconventional (i.e. OTHER), and refreshing. So if it’s not about which online community is most popular or the most inside, then the interest swings towards their personal, private lives.  Is it any wonder that Rob and Kristen have to put on their armor whenever they step outside their work or homes?

There is such joy in listening to the Eclipse commentary (or, “Commen-tree”, says Rob) these past weeks. But in the very beginning of it all, in the great Twilight audio commen-tree, Kristen told Catherine Hardwicke #TeamChattyCathy and Rob that when she would do her on-set schoolwork (since she was a minor, under 18 at the time Twilight began filming) in classrooms at the school that served as Forks High School, people (the school’s actual students?) would constantly knock on the port hole, the small window in the door, when she was  trying to complete her work. She effectively described it as feeling “like a monkey in a cage”. How much do you want to bet that the feeling [like an animal on display] has increased tenfold for Kristen? Colleagues and friends of our Queen Kristen and her equally Rebellious Consort Rob never comment to the press with their editorial on Rob and Kristen’s personal relationship, but rather, draw praise and accolades for their professional successes.

Kristen’s On The Road costars Garrett Hedlund (yum) and Amy Adams (another lovely ginger with immense talent) both had wonderfully kind compliments for Kristen:

“Kristen is incredible. And in this, everyone will see how hard a worker she is, and the devotion she puts into her work. Her performance [in On The Road] is going to be exposed highly” ~ Garret Hedlund

Amy Adams says:

“[Kristen] is awesome. I’d seen her since she was in Panic Room, and knew she was fantastic…Thought she was wonderful in Into the Wild. The girl’s got some chops! And on top of that, she is just really sweet.”

OHai, beautiful StrawberryStew!

And Robert’s new movie Water for Elephants is earning favorable and promising reactions to the just-released trailer for the film. *TAKES A DEEP BREATH* Dude. The trailer for WFE is unbelievable. It’s gorgeous and feels epic. Sit down for a minute and give yourself a gift of the WFE Trailer… HERE>>>>WATER FOR ELEPHANTS TRAILER . His costars, both Oscar-Winning actors, Christoph Waltz and Reese Witherspoon offer commendatory reviews of Rob’s performance as well as his personal character.

Christoph says:

“You’re going to see Rob in a whole new way, a good way. It wouldn’t surprise me at all if he were to receive an Oscar nod for this role.”

Reese says:

“He [Rob] is a very sweet, kind man with the nicest family. He worked very hard on this movie and looks great in it too. He’s going through such a weird  life experience right now, but handling it so beautifully, and with such grace.”

2. Remember that we are ALL Other together. This is where I’m gonna drop the L Word (also an excellent though now completed TV show) again on you, my friends. Another thing we all have in common, aside from our ravishingly unique inner and outer beauty, is that we have one, two, maybe twenty  or more people we care about. I encourage us all to remember what it is like to love someone: A spouse, partner, friends, roommates, boyfriends, girlfriends, siblings, cousins, nieces and nephews, etc…. I personally would throw myself in front of a bus if it meant saving my beloved Monkey niece from feeling pain. You parental units out there know exactly the level of sacrifice you would make for the LOVE of your child. Is it too far-fetched to think you might want to protect your loved ones from physical plus verbal and emotional stressors? Is it too ungainly to believe that Kristen and Robert feel this passionate protectiveness over their own hearts and physical well-being, in addition to each others’?

3. Bring it back to YOU. As always, I remind myself and my fellow Misfits to find the courage to look in the mirror, to ask myself what I can control and contribute in this fandom and in my 3D life. I can’t control how others behave publicly and in their personal lives, but I can do something about how I am representing for Otherness. If I am reacting passionately and emotionally to something happening in the Cyber World, or in the Twi Fandom, I stop myself and wonder, “What is this? What is happening in my life right now that is effecting how I view this situation?” And with a little quiet time,  withdrawal from being online or engrossed in a project, I find my answers. My own relationship, my own job, my family, my financial matters or my pathway to Bliss have been neglected.

While this Kristen & Rob Christmas Picture drama erupted in the online fandom the other night, I removed myself from any debates and checked my emails. It turns out I had received an email from a work colleague from a counseling agency I used to work with a few years ago, back in my home town. I learned, to my great shock, that another former coworker of mine was in a horrific car accident a couple days ago and she is in critical care at a hospital. Her husband, her love, a man I believe was her soul mate, was killed. He was only a couple years older than I, in his early to mid-thirties and desperately in love with my friend who is now a young widow. The whole of my former agency is devastated. They had been married only three years.

Yesterday, my good friend called, appropriately so, @TrueLove was laid off from a prestigious legal position that she’s held for many years. A week before Christmas. She’s a mother and a wife and a skilled professional and she, like millions of us, are unemployed.

My husband N and I are  preparing for our second interview with U.S. Immigration to review N’s status as a permanent resident here in the U.S. (Note: See the movie Green Card  for immigration shenanigans!)  I was going to tell you all our story, it’s pretty incredible, but perhaps I’ll give the details another time. I’ve spoken a lot this essay. But I can say that N and I have experienced challenges of scrutiny, naysayers and great concern because of the way we met, and how we “courted” and the exotic ways we tried to fight to keep a relationship alive when we were never on the same continent together. We’ve been married for over 2 years now, and we’re still under the magnifying glass because N comes from a country that is placed on  the “Red Flag” list.  (i.e. threat of terrorism due to Religious affiliation).

So seriously. There are enough real-life, unbelievably profound events occurring as we speak. Does a Twitter popularity contest or the curiosity about the personal lives of two young artists –who don’t want the attention anyway–take precedence over life, death, family, unemployment and immigration issues?


So the picture above, of the beautiful afterglow? That was taken by N. He is an extraordinarily gifted photographer, today taking a leap in following his own bliss. *If you’re interested in seeing more of N’s photos, contact He’ll link you to his gallery that we’re in process of setting up*. We didn’t even know he was so gifted in photography until he came here to The States almost 3 years ago, and began playing around with my point-and-shoot digital camera. So here we are, encouraging each other to follow our Bliss.

It is here that I’d normally move on to introduce the Featured Rebel Royal for the week. But I think the two Majestic Misfits we’ve discussed today already beautifully illustrate my Musings on the good practice of keeping perspective…and LOVE. I’ll happily give them free reign of Musings this week. *cheesy grin*.


“Unless you respect and like yourself, nobody else is going to”






QUESTION: How do you prompt yourself back to YOU in order to maintain perspective?

A/N: I have updated the Sentence Completion Activity in the ABOUT KJ section…check it and leave some of your own answers if you feel inspired to do so! For next week, I will post a Holiday Edition of Musings with a new Giveaway that will have very much to do with PERSPECTIVE and The Pursuit of BLISS (pssst, check N’s photography). We’ll talk holiday traditions, and a Kristen Stewart 2010 Retrospective…

CC over at KSIBTU is asking you to send in pics of how you and your city shows Holiday Spirit (and how of course, Kristen is far superior to all-KSIBTU after all). Send yours into her! Here are mine that I’m sending… See you next week, Lovelies!! Always, KJ

This beautiful wooden, painted train is carrying large, colorfully wrapped presents. It is beneath a ginormous, decorated Pine tree placed on the center divider of a major street. Can you see the traveling Other Tiara?

T-Rex can be found among the giant Snow Flakes of the Science Museum

17 Responses to “The Season for Perspective”

  1. Savannah December 18, 2010 at 1:19 pm #

    Thankyou for the shout out m’dear! No matter where you are, cold is just fucking COLD! So I hear your suffering cries. You need lots of hugs and oven treats, speaking if which, I bought some American cookies at the markets this morning. FABULOUS!

    The themes if this post are so relatable, appropriate and universal. I think the shifting of focus is the root of dissolution of many things, from families falling out to churches breaking apart.
    Thankyou for your wise and insightful words.
    Love always, S

  2. Misty December 17, 2010 at 7:41 pm #

    Thanks for this posting. Yes, perspective. Quite a few need some. I truly don’t understand the “popularity” contest of some on Twitter. It is really strange. I just like to comment on funny things, gush over pics/trailers (so excited for Rob in WFE, and will probably die when see OTR trailer), and follow my favorite fic/blog authors. But I guess to each their own.

  3. Indiapale December 17, 2010 at 7:39 pm #

    K- Wonderful as usual. I love reading Musings. My Christmas and New Year wish for you and your N is that all goes well with INS. My wish for Rob and Kristen is for them to be able to enjoy the holidays in peace and privacy with their family.

  4. DanO December 17, 2010 at 6:00 pm #

    KJ, you have done it, again. Incredible essay. You have a gift for reaching the higher self.

  5. ClogWieldingQueen December 17, 2010 at 3:41 pm #

    Ya pulled out all the stops again bbgirl…love it once again. Much to ponder, all of it wise. Blessings to you and family this holiday season bb….keep on with the word.

  6. LCMom December 17, 2010 at 2:31 pm #

    As usual, this is the classiest place in the fandom. Thank you for pointing out none of this is a contest. Love you K!

  7. MyCleverAlias December 17, 2010 at 1:07 pm #

    Lovely KJ,

    First – I look forward to when CC publishes her photos. One of my submissions is a direct shoutout to you and our Queen of Other. 🙂

    Second – I could not agree more about the bizarre territorial nature and negativity that brews in this fandom over the strangest subjects … even among LIKE-MINDED PEOPLE. Eeesh. Therefore, the focus on LOVE was so refreshing. Didn’t everyone’s fandom experience begin with LOVE? LOVE of Twilight (kind of in spite of ourselves), LOVE of Kristen, LOVE of Rob, LOVE of the LOVE the two of them clearly share? How do good things get so twisted? A life question to which we’ll probably never get an answer.

    Third – I’ve been excited to share something with you that YOU and your blog helped to inspire. And it has to do with LOVE! To attempt to make a long, long story short, multiple voices in my life – one of which has been this blog and the encouragement and support you give your readers – has been nudging me to take action.

    It’s an old, old story: girl is afraid to tell boy that she wants to be with him. For five years, I’ve thought about one of my best friends. Wondered. Thought about how good we could be together. Agonized over what could happen. Wished he’d make a move. And recently, I grew a big ol’ set of brass balls and just talked to him about it, openly and honestly. But not in a scary way. Just “Have you ever thought about our being together? I’d be interested in giving it a try if you would.”

    He was stymmied, quite frankly, and unsure what to do. We had a great, honest conversation and he’s mulling things over as we speak, trying to sort out what he wants.

    As for me? I feel AWESOME. Because the answer isn’t really the point, you know? For the first time in a long time, I said “this is something I WANT, and damn it, I’m going to do something about it.” Because as nice as it would be, bliss doesn’t walk up to you and present itself. And I decided it was time to be bold.

    So we’ll see what happens, but regardless I will A.) be able to stop wondering, agonizing and waiting … and B.) be reminded of my own courage. Now, it’s time to translate that to other parts of my life. #LetsDoThis

    This unbearable NOVEL of a comment is just to say THANK YOU and make sure you know that your Musings are not only enjoyable, they are inspiring. On those days when you’re burned out and tired and struggling, please know that your words and sentiments have power. I am so grateful, in a frequently negative world, to receive the positivity you bring. It may be from a computer screen, but it’s more tangible than you know.

    Tonight I will kick up my (cute new suede bootie) heels at my office party and flirt harmlessly with the cute new guy and be proud that I’m on a good path. I hope – and believe – that the new year will bring amazing things. For me, for our favorite Other Queens and Rebel Royals … and for you and N.

    Love reigns,

    • Savannah December 18, 2010 at 1:10 pm #

      What a fantastic story! I tip my hat to your courage and determination! I hope it works out in the way you want it to enfold, you must keep us updated 🙂

  8. MattB December 17, 2010 at 10:25 am #

    KJ = Perspective

    I’m always impressed by how you intertwine the outpourings of your heart and your mind. Intellect and emotion, the two great elements of cognizance. Happy Holidays to you and N.

  9. beans December 17, 2010 at 9:45 am #


    Just beautiful, as always… the highlight of my day.

    Big hugs 🙂

  10. MissEE December 17, 2010 at 7:38 am #

    What a beautiful and appropriate subject for the holiday season! I have so enjoyed reading this today, felt like I needed a lift and this definitely gave it to me, so a big THANK YOU to you for your always wise words.
    Your Brothaa

  11. true love December 17, 2010 at 6:54 am # sweet lady…all i have to say is AMEN.!!!!!..beautiful.words…
    thank you for your support..xoxo..:0)..Dios Te Bendiga..hermana..

    true love

  12. lmrg1122 December 16, 2010 at 10:26 pm #

    As Always KJ, well said sweetie!!
    LY KJ


    “It’s All about the Love”

  13. Sbella December 16, 2010 at 10:18 pm #

    That was great! I was smiling all the way reading this. I dont mind you putting some R in K’s post. while you seldom talk abt the other half of Kristen. which is ok 🙂 and me likey that abt your post. Including him or excluding him. and your hubby’s pic looks great. I thought you googled that pic. lol
    K,latersss xoxo

    P/s : Im partly glad that its not that cold here 🙂

  14. Aai December 16, 2010 at 10:09 pm #

    beautiful musings Darling.
    YOU know I am always seeking perspective, and often ‘stepping away’ for a moment.
    We shared our thoughts about this weeks events together, and were on the same page.
    Keep up the good work Possum, and stay warm!

  15. robkris13 December 16, 2010 at 9:58 pm #

    Sweet Sister: ♥ AMEN!

  16. 500daysofrk December 16, 2010 at 9:53 pm #

    Loved this post KJ, <33

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