For What We’re Worth

21 Apr

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

A Confident Beginning

Ohhhh, boy… *blows a long breath out* Hello my Rabblerousers and Majestic Misfits, how goes it? Things have been insane in the membrane since we last convened, right? Not in a bad way, but in a really, busy, joyful, Ohmahgawd-I-can’t-believe-how-beautiful-yet-how-involved-I-am-in-all–of-this sorta way. You know what I mean. Since we last ruminated together, Our Reigning Other Queen celebrated her 21st birthday,  which involved Twilight co-stars and friends, her good buddy Taylor Lautner and his pretty girlfriend Lilly Collins. Also included an adoring, attentive Robert ….and a motorcycle…

ok, so maybe not THIS motorcycle...but the boy was there

And she inspired folks to raise nearly $17,000 for charity. . .Bowing down to all who contributed to this incredible cause in the name of Kristen, and with the hopes of eradicating the very serious issue of teen homelessness. Also, such gratitude to those who contributed to other charities in support of Kristen’s philanthropic wishes. All of you are truly incredible.

Well, let’s see…Our Majestic Misfit managed to make a profound statement of support and confirmation in New York City this Sunday. And she did it all without saying a word. She quietly attended Rob’s Water For Elephants premiere, looking almost obscenely stunning in a J. Mendel dress. She did not walk the red carpet–she would never want to overpower or detract from Rob’s moment. Because that’s what would happen if she had set just one toe out there on the carpet. She never intends to, but unwittingly, unknowingly, she compels us to look.  She is charismatic and magnetic, and would undoubtedly cause an epic frenzy if she had chosen to walk in the front door of the theater instead of the undercover side entrance. Because..uh, LOOK. AT. HER.

It’s criminal how insanely sexy these two are together. Look at the pandemonium inspired even as she remains in the background !!!

…and within a mere twelve hours later she surfaced in Vancouver, BC for stunt work for Breaking Dawn.  She flew back and forth across the continent between Rob’s movie premiere and the film set…so she could run on a treadmill while wearing a hot blue dress and black sweatpants. Because kick-ass Bella Cullen will run in a dress, dammit, but our girl is smart enough to know her legs might suffer in the cool Vancouver air. I won’t show the pictures of her on the vamp treadmill, mostly because I cannot tolerate the camera hound who took the pictures and I don’t want to endorse his stalking and opportunistic tendencies. But I will  illustrate that nonverbal communication for which I adore Kristen and her protectors.

This is a good crew. I see why she will miss them.

This morning (Wednesday), our extremely dedicated and well-traveled Royal was spotted, thumb brace still in place, at Vancouver International Airport, having wrapped the principle filming for the role of Bella Swan Cullen. *sniffle*

Only Royalty looks this good at 5AM

It’s a bit bittersweet to watch Kristen fly away from The Breaking Dawn set, as we’ve been on a journey alongside her while she created, crafted, shaped and injected a compassionate, endearing spirit into a girl who had merely lived on paper and in our minds’ constructs. Kristen loves and passionately defends Bella’s decisions and actions to the very end (did you listen to the Eclipse Commentree?). She personified, sympathized with, and injected confidence into a restless and pretty young thing, perhaps because she found personal truths in common between herself and Bella… And perhaps this is just another glimpse of Kristen’s brilliance as an actor. She inspires our faith in a character that we may struggle to identify with…Or, conversely, over-identify with. Kristen granted the strands of conviction to those who merely viewed Bella (or themselves) as a too impulsive, too naive seventeen-year-old girl with an infatuation.

With considerable skill, Kristen Stewart took a vague caricature amongst a less-than impressive screenplay (sorry, Rosenberg, you and I are not besties) and produced a determined, complex, and impassioned young woman for whom we cheer on. As there will be reshoots and voice work, and two more movies to promote through 2012, we have not seen the last of Kristen’s Bella, but there still is a lingering sense of melancholy as we watch Breaking Dawn wrap, the actors and crew flying away from Vancouver and dispersing. Thank you, Ms. Stewart for all that you have done to create a fierce, relatable, unforgettable Bella Swan.

Playing The Game

So while Kristen has quietly (as a roar) displayed her propensity for sparking near-riots I finally did it. I finally sat down and read The Hunger Games. I hadn’t read them up until this point not because I resisted, but because I’ve just been busy and boast a bedside table bowing beneath the weight of the 208,371 books I already am reading (in addition to my fanfics). I finally sat down and read Hunger Games and within 36 hours had devoured the three books as if I were a wild raccoon ransacking a campground dumpster (check it: opposable thumbs are fierce). However, since I was late to the party in reading this magnificent series, I’ve made up for it by becoming wholly and utterly consumed these past two weeks, reliving, re-reading, basking in the genius that is Suzanne Collins’s tale of war, our society’s obsession with appearances and the healing profundity of loyalty and love. My reading of The Hunger Games Trilogy coincides with the casting of the film adaptation scheduled to release in March of next year.

This is REAL.

WARNING: An Oncoming Other Teachable Moment: Because of the amplified scrutiny of the casting process, and the passion of my fellow readers, there are strong reactions and declarations emerging. It is very, very reminiscent of the casting process for a one beloved young adult series called Twilight. I won’t launch into a full feature of defending Otherness today…but I want to say that I have complete faith in the actors Jennifer Lawrence and Josh Hutcherson, who have been chosen to play two of the three leads in the film.

I don’t put too much stock into any discrepancies of physical characteristics, because a.) We as OTHERS know more than ANYONE that our external attributes are only one slice of our Misfit Majesty and b.) becoming someone else is what actors do for their jobs. Both Jennifer Lawrence (Ohai Oscar Nomination) and Josh Hutcherson exhibit proclivity in their craft, i.e. MAD SKILLZ. I say we sit back and witness what these talented folks bring to the table before judging them. It’s the least we can do as fellow Others, long recipients of preconceived notions and unfair judgements ourselves.

We of the askance tiaras SEE you. We get. IT.

And to highlight two very significant events: Remember how dubious folks were when Robert Pattinson was cast as the iconic Edward Cullen almost four years ago? There was a freaking petition circulating in which thousands of people signed, proclaiming extreme dissatisfaction and doubt in Robert’s abilities: to be be beautiful. Um. LOOK AT HIM NOW.

Things didn't turn out so badly, did they?

Secondly: At the risk of being skinned alive by my peers, I note, in the case of Josh Hutcherson, that he has pretty solid cred in the business (did you see The Kids Are All Right?) AND, most importantly, our own Reigning Other Queen Kristen, she of the infamous BULLSHIT DETECTOR, and “incredible instincts” (per Sean Penn and Jodie Foster) deemed Josh as Good People years ago when they were costars in the film Zathura. According to Josh, he nursed a pretty serious crush on our Rebel Queen (ok, that right there implicates the kid’s supremely good sense), and she bestowed a baby turtle on him for his 13th birthday. If Kristen Stewart is gifting baby reptiles to this dude, I venture it’s safe to say he is not the devil incarnate. I guess I just ask us to hang back and reserve evaluation. . .And I’ll deftly and sweetly change the subject….nao.

I get it. And I like it.

She’s Got Skillz 

Other than procuring a new obsession with a book about teenagers brutally killing each other, I’ve been extremely busy since we last checked in. A sweet friend from Australia, Miss @Mel452 and I spent a couple days exploring my beautiful city…and hanging out with The Beats (we may or may not have gotten drunk where Sam Riley and Garrett Hedlund hung), and introducing my Aussie friend to the wonders of IN-N-OUT. Partaking in Italian food consumption, smokes and “Jack Kerouacs” cocktails?  In short, it was divine.

I’ve been cultivating time and lessons learned with my clients. I’ve attended traffic school, the first part of  training for the Red Cross Disaster Relief team I’ve signed up for…I’ve been hanging out with N in the rare moment he has time off work–we have our wedding anniversary approaching next week– and I’ve been gathering courage to take the next step. The last activity has been the most challenging for me.

In a nutshell: I’ve been trying to accept the good. I’ve been digging deep and trying to take my own advice and look in the damn mirror. I’ve made the decision to expand the Magical Little Practice, not shut it down (see, Buff, I won’t give up, I won’t!). Without delving into too much detail, I have been constructing a curriculum to broaden my connection with the community of folks out there who seek empowerment and direction. Also this means I can finally, finally do what I’ve always felt I am meant to: teach, present, consult and collaborate. With the assistance of my business-minded manager-sister, I am trying to take back and own my accomplishments by channeling my skills into creating the perfect job. The job that I was chasing with other companies, outside of myself. I realized after a consultation with a colleague therapist that I can CREATE MY OWN PATH using the tools I’m already equipped with. One problem: I don’t quite have a Rebel Queen’s Confidence. #ReframeTime. Rather, ok, if I do have it, I have a hard time remembering I do.

“Letting circumstances or others determine worth gives them inappropriate control and power,” ~Anonymous 


My Manegent (the term my brother dubbed my manager-agent) Leon began making calls to agencies and organizations to begin spreading the word of my expanded services, and we have been met with enthusiastic and promising options. Now all I need to do is present myself as capable and skilled and confident in my abilities.

*Commence knees shaking*

Leon asked me to piece together a bio so she could present a quick and direct introduction to folks who don’t have time to check my gorgeous website or peruse my flyers and business cards.

Guise…??? I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t tell Leon a thing about me that I found marketable or desirable. Not. A. Word.

“But what about your Masters degree?” Questioned Leon.


“What about your certification in parenting, group leading and clinical supervision?” pushed Leon.


“You make a connection with people. You provide comfort and kindness.”

Me, blushing, stuttering: “Ummmm.”

“What about the three thousand face-to-face hours you put in for your internship and licensure over three years?” She pressed.

“Eh, I paid my dues like everyone else who goes into this field. We’re not doing it to be rich or right,” I say, ever placating.

Exactly,” replied Leon. “You. Have. Worked. Your. Ass. Off. And because you chose to, not because you had to. And not for the accolades and great monetary rewards.”


Why? Why is it so difficult for us to hear and accept the positive attributes we have but so easy to believe the criticisms? Why is the bad so much easier to acknowledge than the good?  Dr. Glen Shiraldi, psychiatrist and lecturer, cautions us that mistakes and past traumas, external criticisms and chronic seeking approval from outside sources all deplete our confidence and abilities to see ourselves as worthy.

We lose our ability to accept the good, and accept that we’re good the minute we forget to realize that our core worth already exists. We were born unmarred, pure, untouched by externals (money, physical looks, status, possessions). See it’s when we begin to listen to our Detractors, The Vultures, The Nerdy Bloggers, The Bullshit People when we go astray. Rob and Kristen have it right in ignoring these loud critics and asking for the focus to be on their work. What they do. 

Our internal strengths are essential, unique, eternal and unchanging in value. Our internal strengths are what comprise our Royalty. 

Our Otherness. Annnd, I begin writing a bio for the business presentations. . .

 When I thank and admire and muse about the Royal Rebels that serve as our models, (please see EACH AND EVERY FEATURED REBEL IN THE HISTORY OF MOO), I actually am thanking them for delving deep within and finding that internal compass, that core self which implies we are still, in the scheme of all the chaos–traffic school (I have a clean record now!), final exams, job stressors,  movie premieres, the unemployment claims…. doing all right.

Our Rebel Queen Kristen consistently provides graceful examples of how to transcend the landmines that are externals:

  • She disregards the clamoring about her attendance at her partner’s work events and goes–while wearing a slinky dress, a bold red lip color and a thumb-brace that red carpet cameras will not capture. She didn’t dress up to be” seen” except by who matters most: herself, and Rob. I think he’s appreciative, yes?

Yeah, I'd smile that hugely if I were you too.

  • She returns to her base, her craft, to complete her journey as a girl named Bella.
  • She peers in front of her, eyeing the next project that highlights her talents (her goodness)..That could mean filming K-11 and Snow White and the Huntsman;or, promoting her next movie On The Road (breath stutters in excitement), and maybe perfecting the recipes she’s tweaked from The Cooking Network.

It doesn’t really change the fact that whatever she chooses to do next, it’s her call, not anyone else’s. I’m pretty confident in her confidence.

These past two weeks, while our Reigning Other Queen has steadily taken steps towards her blazingly bright future, quietly but fiercely casting off the criticisms and judgements shoved onto her, I am following her lead. I am tentatively placing my feet on the road before me, re-learning how to forge onward as well, still wearing my Chucks and a (slightly askew) tiara.

We are Other.

Kristen is Other.

Others do not let externals determine their worth.

Embrace your Other.

* * *

Question: How have you let externals inform or derail your chosen path?

A/N: I plan on returning to the usual MOO format of highlighting a new Featured Rebel next time.

Thank you to everyone I’ve had the pleasure of connecting with this week in those quiet moments of uncertainty.

Thanks to Leon.

Love to Reb and love to my longtime Bestie S who I miss madly.

Thank you also for everyone I’ve spent time rejoicing in Otherness with:


My HG Girls–Beanai, Webby, Kris, Peri,  Sail, Brothaa

Thank you for musing and contemplating with me: @ThistleFi @PrimaryColors1 @MadamThang, @DeeDreamer16  @edmett @robkris13

Long Hugs to: @beammeup_00 @Kate_Suena @MyCleverAlias        @Justice_Aussie @Ophelia2010 

As always, my constants: My Cyber Sisters & Readers

**Are you going to see Water For Elephants this weekend? Puss and I are hitting the matinée tomorrow. We’re coming with tissues and waterproof mascara (along with snack money–nachos and popcorn are a MUST). Let’s meet next week to chat WFE, ok?

I’ve updated the Resources For Beauty Page  as well as About KJ, but will probably run another sentence completion before this weekend.

See you next time. xo, KJ

19 Responses to “For What We’re Worth”

  1. Crystal May 5, 2011 at 3:47 pm #

    Oh Sweet KJ. I dont think I know how to comment on time anymore these days, it seems I’m only ever getting around to Musings on the eve of the newest one unveilling but I guess thats my little quirk and it works; at least I think it does.

    I am SO happy you read and loved the Hunger Games. They consumed me over Christmas break and within five days they were done and I was feeling the usual sense of a breakup that happens when I finish an incredible ride from a series or particular book. I agree with your thoughts on the actors chosen for the movie – at first, I was kinda furious. Definitely overreacted but I remind myself of the reception Rob got at first and now look. SO until I see a trailer, I’m going to just trust Suzanne Collisn on this one.

    Lastly – you do not understand what I would do for an In & Out right now. It was my favorite when I lived in Vegas and I LONG for it.

    xx C

  2. Fi April 26, 2011 at 2:03 pm #

    I have so much I want to say but my energy is so low right now, it makes finding the “right” words difficult. I already tweeted you a brief summary but had to drop in and reiterate how wonderful your words are and how much they help me.. whether it be by reframing how I was looking at someone/something or reminding me not to give up on myself – there’s always something I take away from your musings that inevitably stays with me for days or weeks and sometimes longer. Thanks KJ 🙂 You are a gift.

  3. LCMom April 26, 2011 at 9:18 am #

    I am reminded of a personal chant I always forget to say, ‘Create your own reality’. It sounds so good, but is so hard to do in practice. You are doing it! It is so super hard, but I KNOW you will make it. You are smart and beautiful. XO

  4. ladybug April 23, 2011 at 12:06 pm #

    Once again you touch on something that each and everyone of us can relate to. My father always says: “Living in society is very hard.” And it is! It really is, from the moment we are born into one, we are surrounded by preconceived notions, cultural and social bindings and expectations, lots of expectations!

    I spent the last two days with my loud, messy family. At lunch table my aunt said about me: “You were always the quiet, “perfect” one. We kept expecting you to mess up, but somehow you never did.” — Well, that explains a lot! Thank you very much aunt A., now I don’t need to go to therapy to know that I never messed up because I felt that if I did I would be undermining everyone’s idea of me!

    And it’s true, ever since I remember being me, I feel like I can’t mess up, I can’t cross an imaginary line in my head for fear that I’ll disappoint others. So I never did, until I decided I wanted to take an unusual major in college, a major that would not get me a dream job, or any job at all even. I decided that I would try to do something I love instead of somehting they expected of me.

    It’s hard as hell, especially since most people do not get IT, but I’m not willing to give up. I’m trying really hard to learn what it’s like to be me without all the expectations. And believe me, your words cross my mind all the time. As do the one’s of “our” wonderful Kristen, who is always so determined in the path of being herself FOR herself.

    May you (and me) succeed in our endeavours. I get a feeling we will!! 🙂

  5. Indiapale April 22, 2011 at 8:52 am #

    Perfect topic this week. I needed to hear this message myself – so timely. Are you a mind reader my friend! I certainly wish that I had the confidence that our beautiful Kristen has at 21.

  6. Lady you can write! I loved this page and am looking forward to seeing more. You should try to write your own book, if you haven’t already!
    You GO my Friend.

  7. J. April 22, 2011 at 6:46 am #


    Hello! *waves enthusiastically* I have been MIA for awhile, (and missing my twittah friends like crazy!) but I read musings when I can and boy am I glad I didn’t miss this post! KJ mah dear, it is clear that you are as humble as our RQ Kristen. Week after week you continue to inspire people to levels even they themselves are unable to comprehend. I can so closely identify with so many of the wonderful comments left for you this week. I wish I were an eloquent writer like YOU and so many others here are, but I’m not, so I will just do my thang. 🙂

    It is so nice to know that there are “Others” out there, especially when so many of us are dealing with our own struggles or desperately searching for “our paths.” I have been on a pretty clear path for quite some time, with clear choices and outcomes. However, I have recently begun to question many things, and am wondering if my true path leads elsewhere. I am working through my struggles and I appreciate your musings more than you know. They always help me keep my eyes open to the things that are truly important. Thank you, from the bottom of my soul.

    I wish you the best of luck with the MLP, and deep down you already know this, but YOU CAN DO IT! You really can do anything you set your mind to. (That is not just something parents tell their children! It really IS true!!) I believe in you and I know that anyone who is lucky enough to cross your path will be a better person because of YOU. Bring it girl, bring it strong. Share your gifts!

    Ok, so my ramblings appear to be endless, but it has to be said…
    The playlist this week? PHENOMENAL. Loving it. I have been crushin’ on ‘The Good Life’ for awhile now, but listening to it while reading your words makes me feel like I could conquer the world! So… here I go!

    ❤ and hugs!!

    (a.k.a. the artist formerly known as @JRollin5)

    P.S. Thank you for the beautiful email awhile ago, you are Ah.May.Zing. xoxoxo

  8. nail April 22, 2011 at 4:35 am #

    sometimes we all forget to activate ours but Kristen has hers on..
    a built in BS detector………………………….priceless!!!
    love you Kai…….oops i almost forgot *how you likin’ the rain, gurl?*…………….still funny.

  9. MissEE April 22, 2011 at 4:26 am #

    Doc! Did you cheat on me at Vesuvio? J/K…thanks for all you do! So glad that we have yet another obsession together in the Hunger Games. Love ya.

  10. Mel452 April 21, 2011 at 8:11 pm #

    Hi darl… 🙂

    You’re seriously the sweeter one, loved our time together in SF. Thank you so much for showing me around your beautiful, inspiring city. Hanging out in places and walking the same streets as The Beats (“Jack Kerouac” as a drink is lethal!!) and doing it with you was indeed special…oh and yeah am soooo impressed with IN N OUT burger LOL…am jealous of all you Californians bc of it. 🙂

    Gorgeous post as always!! Always love and love you ❤ 🙂

    I have every faith and "confidence" in you that YOU will succeed in your new business endeavour.


  11. MattB April 21, 2011 at 7:33 pm #

    I have often complemented you on your writing and the evocative nature of your narrative, but, while true, these comments miss the real point. The really compelling thing about you is how you live your life. You consistently choose the cognitive, self-aware path. Even though you struggle, as all truly human beings do, you do so in the constant hope and intent to live a worthy life.

    I am in awe of you.

    • JRollin5 April 22, 2011 at 5:42 am #

      This. Exactly this. Thank you for saying it so well. 😉 J.

  12. Cheermom April 21, 2011 at 4:05 pm #

    KJ — Another amazing musing! Oh how I wish I could muse as eloquently as you. I know we are tough on ourselves, but you are an amazingly talented writer, friend, counselor, sister, daughter, and cyber friend. You have incredible gifts and I have faith you will find ways to use them for the greater good!!! Follow your path sistah!!! It’s going to take you to beautiful places!!!

    And Kristen…you go girl!! Continue to inspire us, make your own choices and follow YOUR dreams…not what others want you to do!!!

  13. primarycolors April 21, 2011 at 3:14 pm #

    What beautiful words you have… And only you could put them together in such a way to make me think, reread, and copy & paste into my ongoing “favorite quotes” text tab that is ever open on my desktop. Fully credited, of course!

    I hope that I can be as inspiring to my girls, to just “be yourself” and be proud to do it. It’s hard, isn’t it?

    Just today my 11 year old said, “Mom, my friends don’t believe that we’re BFF’s. They just don’t get it, do they?” They don’t, sweetheart, and while I expect that to change as you get older, when you meet *that* boy, when you finally realize your mom makes tons of mistakes, when you see that there’s so much more to the world than your own backyard. I hope that I teach you what really matters while you’re still listening.

    So, to quote my Memaw, God rest her soul, “work with the tools God gave you, honey” … You’re my tool, KJ, and imma gonna use you.

    Thanks for the inspiration. See you next time! xoxo R

  14. L April 21, 2011 at 2:52 pm #

    *Gulp* I am prepping to take the next step too. I’ve done the research… now I just need to gather my gumption and press send. I’m sending out all the good energy I can for the MLP (Magical Little Practice). Do the same for me so I can work up the courage to press “send.”

  15. true love April 21, 2011 at 2:28 pm #

    you are always so inspiring and true to your words. Thank you love i’m glad to hear you are continuing with the little practice..stay strong as you always been and God bless you..see ya hermana..!!

    true love

  16. Pingvingirl April 21, 2011 at 2:12 pm #

    Great post- as always- and your question is again making me think about things I think too little about! I have spent most of my life making the “wise” choices- the ones that were approved by parents and teachers and, on a wider level, the external world whose opinion shouldn’t have mattered. I was never a rebel. At the risk of sounding slightly crazy, that started to change when I saw Twilight and became a fan of both Rob and Kristen. I didn’t have role models like that growing up. Now, although I’m older than both of them (by a margin I’d rather not think about) I find myself looking up to them and the lengths they’re prepared to go to for their dreams and their relationship. I take baby steps on the path I want to be on, but the external doesn’t distract me from it any more.

  17. DeeDreamer April 21, 2011 at 2:07 pm #

    My dearest KJ – I feel like I say the same thing to you every time: You never cease to move me. Your words resonate with me in such a way that it’s hard for me to put into words of my own to properly capture. When I read your essays, I feel inspired. When I read your self-doubt, I feel you’re a kindred soul. When I’m lucky enough to chat with you on Twitter, I feel validated because there’s a super-smart, witty, creative, caring, beautiful chica out there who “gets it” the same way I do. And that makes all these thousands of miles between us disappear, bb. Thanks for all you do. Thanks for sharing your words and your wisdom. I ❤ you hard, sweets!! xoxo ~Dee

    • JRollin5 April 22, 2011 at 5:47 am #

      I think your words perfectly capture the way that I (and many others apparently) feel. Cheers to all of the amazing and beautiful women (and men) out there that are inspired and connected through KJ, and Otherness! ❤ J.

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