The More I See, The More To Know

5 May

He who knows best knows how little he knows ~ Thomas Jefferson

Greetings, Lovelies! My hope is that this new essay finds you and your families healthy and flourishing. A lot of  time does not need to pass before something wonderfully Other and so luxuriously Royal occurs, cueing my mind to spin out of control with ruminations and reactions and the overwhelming urge to analyze and then appreciate…and then celebrate. The past two weeks away from Musing with you lovelies have been so jam-packed with these glorious Other Moments that I realized first with sadness–and then with glee–that I simply cannot address them all. Not in one sitting at least. *smirks* There have been equal parts Reigning Royal Awesomeness  paired with reeling introspection personally, that this I’ve decided to switch up the structure of MOO. I’ll get back to that, though. Let’s do this, let’s jump in and review some of the spectacular moments that have surfaced since we last convened. ANNNNNND GO.

Oh. ummm. #$*!@#$!^)% What was I saying?

*recovers, sits up from position on the floor* Ok, lemme work up to the gloriousness that was The Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume Institute Gala (aka The Met Gala, aka The Oscars of Fashion) in NYC. It’s been a busy, exciting, near-overwhelming slew of goodness this week for our Other Queen,  so let’s back that thing up.

Princes, Previews and (a) Bear, Oh MY!

Just yesterday, while we still await cautiously for  the introduction of the actor who will take on the titular role of The Huntsman in Kristen’s next film project, Snow White and the Huntsman, we met the fetching British bloke who will portray Snow’s Prince Charmant. Say hello to Sam Claflin, everybody! 

While I’m still stinging at the loss of Viggo Mortensen in the role as The Huntsman (who, due to filming conflicts, dropped out of the project), and swatting away the teasing possibility of Hugh Jackman  (who also passed on the role, which was offered to him when Mortensen vacated), the announcement of Sam Claflin landing the part of The Prince provided a little soothing. Twenty-four year old Claflin is from Suffolk, England and is building an impressive resume with TV performances (The Pillars of The Earth) and with upcoming lead roles in the newest Pirates of the Carribean film and The Seventh Son opposite acting royalty Jeff Bridges and Julianne Moore. Looking forward to seeing Sam begin work with our Reinging Queen Kristen, who, of course, is the fairest of them all in the role as Snow White, this retelling of a tale from the Brothers Grimm.

Another week, another Entertainment Weekly cover to hunt down. But I got smart and returned to the same bookstore that sold the previous hard-to-access EW covers. No more driving all over town for ME! We saw our Majestic Misfit Ms Stewart leave Vancouver after wrapping the principal shooting of Breaking Dawn, though we weren’t entirely sure when or where we would set sights on our lovely Rebel again. We know that Kristen’s Partner-in-Crime-as-well-as-Life, Robert, has been on an exhaustive world promotional tour for his beautiful and whimsical film Water For Elephants (Did you see it yet? Have we talked about our impressions yet? No? Ok, SOON.), but we weren’t sure where our stealthy girl would be–which is ideal. #StealthyNinjasNeedRefugeToo. Enter EW.

EW explored with Kristen, Robert, and Taylor their sentiments about wrapping the final movies of the Twilight Saga, and while nothing earth-shattering was revealed with this interview (thanks to the massive leak of unedited film images and footage, the speed and prevalence of Twitter, and Rob’s numerous on-camera appeals to the Twi fandom to cease the hacking and spreading of said images), still, some illuminating recollections emerged from and about our Reigning Rebel Queen Kristen.

  • She was angry and “gutted” by the Breaking Dawn leaks.
  • *spoilers* She was affected emotionally while filming the wedding scene as well as the brutal childbirth scene.
  • Director Bill Condon is not immune to Kristen’s overall awesomeness nor her royalty, deeming her “hugely talented” and most likely able to “mold a career around who she is” and not the other way around.
  • Kristen is extremely satisfied with the wrap up of the story telling and filming process of Breaking Dawn, sounding downright giddy. “We ended on such a high note…” reaching a “state of exuberance”.

"exuberance" has never been more stunning, Your Highness

Oh, I can’t help it. Whenever there’s a pause I am absolutely compelled to paste an image of #MetGalaStew because in my opinion, Kristen embodied everything that is unique and edgy and unconventional and sexy and confident and simply regal. 

Having said that, there is one more event I wanted to acknowledge before we delve into the wonders of the Met Gala. Again, there were so many Royal goodies these days, but yesterday was simply a banner day for our Queen and her royal court. We not only met Kristen’s newest SWATH co-star in Sam Claflin, but we met a particularly special addition to Ms. Stewart’s family, the decidedly, Other Rebel: Bear.

Bear sees YOU.

This adorable adoptee, a German Shepherd-Pit-mutt-mix whom Robert and Kristen saved from euthanasia in a Baton Rouge shelter, has been a favorite subject of several of Rob’s interviews while on the road promoting Water For Elephants. In interviews Rob has made several references to “we” in the ownership and rearing of the rescued pup; and, yesterday, a whole new level of frenzy ignited when pictures of our girl Kristen walking with Bear in New York City surfaced. I will talk more about the soulful-eyed Bear a little later, as I delve into the discussion topic of this essay. But I have never seen such an explosion of opinions and reactions to a gangly, four-legged companion like this in my life. And I’ve seen some cray-cray, lemme tell you. Kudos to young Bear-san for a spectacular debut!

A Savage Beauty

But let’s cut the bull and celebrate another spectacular debut, shall we?

The Lady in Red with her dashing dates Jack and Lazaro- Proenza Schouler's designers.

Well, ok, so I’m not a fashionista, let’s just qualify that right now. But I understand that Monday night’s Met Gala was a night celebrating late designer Alexander McQueen byway of a theme of Savage Beauty, and our Reinging Queen arrives on the carpet in a ruby red floor-length gown designed by the aesthetically pleasing designers themselves as her dates, so stick a fork in me: I’m DONE. I was absolutely mesmerized.

I am not well-versed in the language of Couture, but I can appreciate silhouettes, and colors and fabric and texture. I can go out of mind with lust over edgy lines, and boldness in hues. I can ascertain the theme Savage Beauty as Queen Kristen interpreted it: fierce, delicate, powerful, sensual and strong. I kinda understand  how maybe the heaviness and texture of Kristen’s Proenza Schouler gown lent a draping quality. And I can absolutely understand and admire the beauty and aesthetics of …the back. 

Holeeey Hell. *gulp*

I can applaud Ms Stewart, a typically reserved woman who has admitted to feeling great discomfort at red carpet events, for buckling up calf-high Proenza Schouler heels on “Fashion’s Oscar Night” and gracefully posing for the bazillions of flashbulbs …before trekking up those stairs. Knowing those few things might just be enough.

Savage defined: fierce, wild, untamable, cutting and ruinous. Yes. She certainly destroyed it that night. I thought she looked, well, unapologetically, exquisitely, magnificently… Royal. 

All I Know, I Learned From. . .  

So. I opened this essay by mentioning that I would be changing up the flow of Musings to accommodate the swell of Moments of Otherness that have transpired lately. See, it’s usually here at this point in the post where I would introduce the Featured Royal Rebel for the week. I know I said we’d discuss a new Rebel today, but I’m deferring the discussion til next posting so that I can try this new format. I’d like to send special acknowledgement and long-hugs to a friend of mine, author Miss Betty Smith, whose own blogging style inspires and informs the new MOO Format with which I hope to play and muse. Whaaaa? There could be some form of organization to my ramblings?

Even MessengerStew is a bit skeptical.

Here’s the deal: I’ve been apart of the Twilight/Kristen/Robert fandom in some incarnation or another since late Spring of 2008 which means, good Goddess, I’m hitting a 3-year anniversary!! I’ve been writing MOO, defending Kristen and fellow Others for almost ten months (y’all are gonna celebrate the year anniversary with me in June, yeah?).  I have been a practicing mental health specialist, psychotherapist and social worker for over ten years. One of the deciding factors behind my pushing the PUBLISH button on the very first Musings last year was the excitement of possibly ceasing an opportunity to incorporate my skills and knowledge of sociology and psychology into better understanding why this fascination and passion in defending an actress called Kristen Stewart came to be. When I began tossing around the idea of Musings ten months ago, I remember saying aloud, “What is the draw? Why so fascinated with the fascination?” Well, besides the obvious.

Post-Met Gala, perhaps my fave?

Okay, why now? Why am I outlining a specifically-focused MOO? In addition to having a few charged, tense, personal encounters with friends-cohorts in this fandom, these past few weeks have additionally proven to be the most frenetic, passionate, eye-opening, jaw-dropping, temper-eliciting couple of weeks in this community that I’ve ever witnessed in the three years I’ve been here. And beyond the initial shock of seeing people go rogue, I realized I wanted to stay and keep representing the fight for fellow Misfits.

In one event, I found myself disappointed  by friends’ actions and by the quick judgments they issued that were very un-Otherly. But I realized it was my own disappointment to work through, not anyone else’s (other than what they take responsibility for) and an indicator of grace and poise is in conflict resolution. I reached out in all three occasions to open the lines of communication. Of the three different encounters of disagreement, I handled one instance very well, another one tolerably well, though quietly, and the third, well, not great.

And in other surprisingly controversial news, ummmmm: Bear (?)

I dunno bout you, but I derive so many fantastic, positive things from this picture. Rob is out of town, across the pond promoting WFE, so it makes sense that Kristen, a known dog lover and cat owner, is caretaker for their shared pet. Kristen is in  New York, which means she brought this puppy with her while she attended The Met Gala so that he wouldn’t be left behind with strangers or placed in a kennel. That dog travels better than I do, that’s for sure. Also, these pictures clarify (at least to me) who the “we” Rob refers to in interviews when asked about Bear’s guardians, and it further encourages the kind-hearted act of adopting animals from shelters. But apparently, that is not a shared sentiment.

Comments have trickled into my Twittah timeline or email box (people send them to me so I can laugh)  accusing Kristen of “animal abuse”, clearly since she attempted to force an animal against its will to “like her”, like ‘Snow White’, by “dragging” poor Bear along behind her on the cold, wet streets of New York. Other folks have dismissed Kristen walking Bear as her attempts to “copy everything Robert does”, adopting her own dog only because he adopted one. Because they couldn’t possibly share the animal, this could not be Rob AND Kristen’s dog. Then there’s the ridiculous theory that she’s using the dog to gain supporters for her career. Come again? I can’t even address that charge without snorting with laughter. But I do wonder–how does it make sense that to win the heart of your beloved you trash and insult his beloveds?

Does this scene look familiar?

hmm. I see that you're incredibly dedicated to proving your point...Your cynicism isn't at ALL alarming.

I’m only spending energy on highlighting some of these preposterous claims to illustrate the climate amongst The Bullshit People and Nonsensicals.

Leads me to think—->POTENTIAL DISCUSSION TOPIC #3: Haters Gonna Hate? 

For every new MOO post, we will still review and celebrate our Reigning Other Queen’s successes and endeavors as she barrels forward on her path, and we will discuss and highlight an Ambassador of Other/Royal Rebel, but we (“we” meaning, you, me, and occasional guest writers) will also survey some of the concepts and topics that have arisen simply because we are apart of this very interesting, and undeniably passionate collective.

Miss Betty Smith writes a feature called Ten Things I Wish I Had Known Before I Started Writing Fic  on her blog and it’s the format I’m fashioning the following new MOOs on. Check out Betty’s blog, it’s brilliant and insightful and alarmingly revealing. Also, if you read FF, read Betty’s stories including my favorite Full Disclosure.

I’m going to write something along the lines of: Case studies at work have NOTHING on the workings of folks HERE.  The interesting is not at the clinics I’ve worked in, they’re HERE. At this point, I don’t have a title for my new feature…I’ve tossed around ludicrous ideas of course:

  • Ms Therapist Finally Learns The Meaning of Cray-Cray
  • All That I Know, I Learned As A Fangirl
  • What The SpiderMonkey Saw

Let me know if something strikes your fancy, or if you think of a suggestion to pass along…And the discussion topics may range from a variety of observations I’ve had over my tenure in this passionate community…including, but not limited to:

:::The love we have for L.O.V.E.

:::Searching for perfection– (aka, are you projecting unrealistic, Vampiric expectations onto some poor unsuspecting mortal?)

:::Coping mechanisms for stress– (some eat a lot, some blame a lot, some pick fights a lot)

I may know of a diagnosis if this is the case for you ...or..

:::Extremes in this fandom–NOT. THAT. DIFFERENT. The “Haters” do not behave ALL THAT MUCH DIFFERENTLY than the “Supporters”.

:::Anonymous Cruelty–aka it’s okay to be an asshole as long as you moniker up.

:::The WOMAN’S Wrath–Ladies, when did you become so harsh?

:::The pursuit and struggle for power– (are YOU a Top”Insider”?)

:::Are we highly supportive, or actually scary-fanatic?– (How many hrs a day do you dedicate to involvement in your interest in Kristen, Rob and/or Twi?)

:::Double standards and hypocrisy–guess what? We don’t practice what we preach.

:::Brilliant and Creative Expression– (ahem, do you photoshop yourself into pictures with Rob and pass them off as real? Just wonderin’.)

Though there are some colorful challenges in this community, I will always try to express my deep gratitude and humility for being apart of it as well. The people I’ve met and encountered through this fandom possess the unbelievable capacity to love, and a fierce loyalty, and they (you) remind me how brave and courageous and soulful humans can be. And how freakishly funny and witty we can be too.

It has dawned on me how IN this I am. How personally invested I’ve become in this fandom and how, because I’ve continued to attempt in merging the fragments comprise my daily living, it isn’t an option to separate my Musings and 3D life anymore. …And how I’ve witnessed this become truth for many of you, my cohorts, fellow Others, as well. I did not see that coming. It isn’t a bad or a good thing, it is what it is. I should reiterate that there are no regrets, I am incredibly humbled and grateful if anything. Because my life is extremely colorful and challenging and exciting and filled with laughter and some very good friends whom I hope to have for a lifetime.

I check in with my Cyber Sisters as well as some of you folks every single day whether on Twittter or via email. I don’t talk to my own mother as much as I speak with you guys. We know about some of the heartaches and successes in each others’ lives. You all have hung with me while I navigate this new world of unemployment-turned-business-ownership and Bliss-Pursuit. And you cheer my husband and I on as we claw through the hoops dangled in front of us by Immigration.

Which reminds me: Psssssst!! N got his green card!!! !!!

See? I knew you'd celebrate with us. I feel your joy all the way here in Cali.

So, I guess what I’m trying to say, in my usual rambling, roundabout way…We’s haz lots to talk about. We always do. And it’s personal.  We have so many opportunities to gain knowledge from our Royal Rebels and our Reigning Queen, but also from each other. We still have boundaries to push and passions to defend and Otherness to embrace. But there are new lessons to be learned in every interaction. I seriously have enough potential discussion topics to run MOO another several months without needing to search. . .  Just with the “FANS'” behaviors alone!!

Some pretty profound events on a global level occurred this week as well: hello #ChangingRelationsWithTheMiddleEast; Hi, #RoyalWedding; oh hello #ExtinctionOfOBL; Top o’ the Morning to you #OperationEndIslamicVilification… and it was incredibly charged and emotional and stunning to experience these events with you all. So as things continue to shift, and ebb and flow and construct and destruct, let’s roll through it together, mmmkay?

Next time? We’ll discuss a few things: R & R for Kristen and hopefully Rob; Coping Mechanisms and A Woman’s Wrath (seriously, I knew women could be harsh, but this is bananas)…plus we’ll chat about The Gypsy Spinning Queen herself, Stevie Nicks. Until then, my Majestic Misfits, be well, be kind to one another. See you soon. xo, KJ

We are Other.

Kristen is Other.

Others know that there is always more to know.

Embrace your Other.

* * *

Question: Have you found that you’re in deeper than you realized? When did you know?

A/N: Sorry it’s so late in posting tonight. Had a hard time summarizing. You know me. I am rarely succinct.

I’ve updated the Sentence Completion of About KJ

Playlist for this week:

Rescue Song (RAC Remix)~Mr. Little Jeans

Flightless Bird~ Iron & Wine


Crystal~Fleetwood Mac

Gratitude and strength to my usual suspects: Cyber Sisters & Readers, Puss, Monkey

Infinite love and lunch date dreams for @MissBetty Smith

Super hugs and gropes to: Bouffant and Beanai

21 Responses to “The More I See, The More To Know”

  1. Xenia Nova October 28, 2011 at 12:36 am #

    Ah Kristen looked so beautiful at the Gala!

    Congrats on the GC! 🙂

  2. robkris13 May 13, 2011 at 1:45 pm #

    So happy N has a green card! congrats to both of you!

    Kristen was amazing at the Met Gala…truly royal and like no Other. She made me proud.

    It is a joy to watch from afar as Kristen and Rob build their lives together and do it without announcing every step to the media. I’ve heard the term “actions speak louder than words” all my life…they are truly the best example I’ve ever seen of that phrase.

    Looking forward to the next MOO!

  3. true love May 7, 2011 at 8:24 pm #

    Yaaaaaayyyyyyy..!!!!!..N got his green card, congrats to you both..xoxo

    K..darling..lovely post as always..
    time has passed so fast since then…this fandom has unite not only two beautiful souls but people that i would never consider to felt so strong for..God has blessed me with such and i thank him for it..thank you love for everything..see ya..xoxo..Dios te bendiga hermana..!!

    true love..

    you think if a person can hate so much without any reason .. looking for a reason a reason to do not care if it sounds illogical but for them it is logical enough to believe their false imagination that can lead so easily to believe.

    Like a muddied spring or a polluted fountain is a righteous man who gives way before the wicked.
    Eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, stripe for stripe.

  4. theraingirl May 7, 2011 at 7:40 pm #

    What a lovely note as usual K!
    You are always so adept at saying what others keep hidden inside and I thank you.
    I think I figured out I was deeper than I thought when I turned 30 and the world didn’t implode. I was actually happy about it. I had this amazing plan with the career, the husband, the kids, the house, the two car garage filled with stuff…. yeah no, that is not how it ended up. 30 was great because I didn’t have any of that save the husband. And I’m okay with that.
    I love when things don’t work out as you wanted, but you end up in an even better place than what you’d hoped. You just have to see it all through.
    And as for KS… you know how much I adore Stewie and when I see how people speak about her, online, in person, however… it all breaks my heart. She so talented and kind, she is beautiful inside and out. And to see how she’s treated, stalked, attacked verbally, it’s just wrong. There was a story I heard the other day about a girl in London who screamed “Kristen is b!tch” at Rob while he was signing and he refused to take a picture with her. I wish on everything that this is not true, but sadly, I am going to guess it is true but I am so proud of Rob for standing up for her. Whether he was dating her or not, I think he would’ve done so because of how he was raised and who he is inside. He’s good people.
    I truly hope those two are happy and enjoying their lives as much as they can in the spotlight… I hope Jella and Bear are enjoying their new lives as well. They won the kitty and puppy lottery, me thinks!
    Thank you again for all your beautiful thoughts and words K! 😀

  5. Emma May 7, 2011 at 11:16 am #

    Hello and thank you for your post.You are one of the kind. Thanks for writing for us.P.S. My 12 years old angel got her first speaking role in a short film from F. Studio !Happy and worried!

  6. LCMom May 7, 2011 at 9:39 am #

    Oh Geez K, are you really going to make us examine how much time we spend in this world? LOL!! I dont want to wake up yet! XO

  7. Kate May 6, 2011 at 11:32 pm #


    First, I must have my weekly moment to fangirl over your post – you always cover things that are on my (and I’m sure many other people’s) mind(s). You talk about it all with such eloquence as well. The world is lucky to have you share your words.

    Second, HUGE CONGRATS TO YOU AND N!!!!! That is so fantastic baby, I am so very happy for you both.

    MET Gala Stew – every single picture that you used caused me to stop and stare. It’s not my favourite, and I don’t love the dress itself (I’ve been trying hard). But the back is fantastic, and Kristen’s face is what makes the look for me. That over the shoulder look she gives, oh so well? I’m dead, done, gone. I think I said the same thing in response to CC’s post, but the fact that she is 21 and attended with two fabulous designers in a custom dress, no less? To me that says it all. #KSIBTU

    I love (LOVE) the topics that you’ve listed to cover in future Musings. The one that’s jumping out at me today is about one’s investment in this fandom/community. To me there’s a bit of a difference between the two. I feel I’m in deep with both, in slightly varying ways. When I first became a part of this crazy world, it was because of the fandom – the books, movies, and of course, Rob and Kristen. But then I got to know people, some of them in passing, and some of them incredibly well. I still madly love the fic and of course our Other Queen and Royal Rebel – maybe even a little too much?

    I don’t know how you decide what too much is. I think it depends on the person, and how their love and passion for something manifests itself. MyCleverAlias and I discussed a side to this briefly earlier this week: somebody tweeted something to the effect of “people complain about “haters,” but really you’re giving them just what they want when you talk about it for ages.” I mean…I agree. Sometimes I sit and think “why on earth DO we give it all the attention we do?” I’m sure in some ways it adds fuel to the fire and makes things worse. BUT, on the flip side, I know I won’t stop expressing my opinions and feeling the way I do about it. For whatever reason I really love and care about these actors (and on a basic level, human beings) I’ll never know and what they represent (originality, creativity, honesty – just to name a few) in a world that’s filled with a lot of fake. Sometimes that means I flail and squee, and other times my feelings take on a more defensive tone. I’m therefore very interested to hear your thoughts on what attracts us to Rob and Kristen in the first place and how we become such devoted fans.

    Then there’s the community side, which is something I don’t have enough words of thanks for. I have made some very close and important friends here, and I know they’ll always be in my life. It starts with that common base of the “fandom”, but it grows into so much more. Anything and everything is talked about on twitter, emails are sent, comments are left and even meetings in person happen (*SQUEE*). I can’t imagine NOT having these people that I talk to all the time in my life. I have a core group of “3D” people who I talk to every day as well, but I so appreciate being in touch with everybody here too. Today, for instance, was kind of shitty – but after one somewhat vague tweet, I felt so much better as people replied with hugs and questions about what was wrong. I love these friends, and I haven’t even met them face to face (yet).

    Basically, yes there are people with not so kind souls in the periphery, but in my immediate world? I’ve gotten to know some of the most amazing, intelligent, funny and loving women ever. I feel like I’m blessed in a way that few people will get to experience. In a roundabout way I thank R and K for that.

    Those are my (not so succinct) initial thoughts – I can’t wait to hear yours!

    Much love,

    K xx

  8. MattB May 6, 2011 at 7:28 pm #

    So, so happy for you and N. Good things happen to good people.

    My timing on the slide into being overly invested began in late summer 2008. It was actually an article about some fans “rebelling” about Kristen being cast as Bella in something called “Twilight”. Never heard of it. The author had a website so I took a look and was intrigued by the story of how the book came to be.

    Ordered it from Amazon, read it in 24 hours, read it twice more while I waited for the other three books to arrive (first time I ever reread a book immediately, and I’ve read a lot of books). Wanted to throw up the first 2/3 of New Moon. Have never reread the part from Edward leaving to Bella jumping off the cliff. Can’t. Reread the rest four times. Same with Eclipse. Almost hurt myself punching something since I couldn’t punch Jacob. I actually enjoyed most of Breaking Dawn except for massive emoward.

    During the reading/rereading/punching started to pay attention to Kristen. Instant crush (in a good way – I realize the difference in our ages). Read every interview. Looked at every photo shoot. Tremendously impressive individual. Key word = individual.

    How can someone 18 years old (then) be so self-possessed? How can a girl so beautiful not even be aware of how beautiful she is? How can someone so centered and attractive be so uncomfortable in public? How can someone so uncomfortable in public keep putting themselves out there time and again so honestly? Regardless of the crap people were throwing at her.

    Three years later – I’m all in. Kristen is no longer a girl (although she’ll always be Our Girl), she is a poised, wonderful young woman. We got to see exhibit A at the Met Gala. I hope my nieces and my grand-daughter look up to her and realize how she is showing them the way. Be yourself. Never apologize for remaining true to who you are. Trust yourself. And use those brilliant all-knowing green eyes and those killer legs to lure them in.

    Thanks as usual, KJ for your leadership and authentic OTHERNESS. I love to see you happy and following our Queen in the pursuit because you know “that there is always more to know”.

  9. pharmgirl15 May 6, 2011 at 3:28 pm #

    Hi KJ-
    Yet another wonderful, thought-provoking post to wrap up our week! I have been picking through your old posts as I am going through some professional growing pains- you always have stories that help put things in perspective!
    Anyways, I agree that METSTEW was fabulous- I loved seeing her in such a bold color…and the shoeporn was off.the.charts.
    Congrats to you and the hubs on the green card- I imagine that was a long, tedious journey you are both pleased to have behind you.
    As for this week’s question…. I don’t know that I am in quite as deep as I could be 🙂 I guess my long work hours keep me from getting in too deep. I still don’t twitter (what would I tweet about? my crazy pharmacy customers? my theory that alprazolam should be in multivitamins because everyone is on it anyways?!? sigh…) so I feel like I miss a lot of the “connection” in the fandom. I only read this blog and KSIBTU regularly and I keep up on news through the RLC forums. All that being said… I don’t know that I have ever fist pumped at the appearance of photographic evidence of another celebrity pair caught kissing by the paps (WFE premiere anyone?!?)- so maybe I am in denial about how deep I really am in this…lol I will MUSE on that topic this upcoming week.

  10. ladybug May 6, 2011 at 1:25 pm #

    First of all: Congratulations on N’s Green Card!!! I’m seriously happy about you guys! Your story is amazing and an inspiration to all couples.

    Met Gala was LOVE! I loved it from the beginning and the more I see it, the more I love it. So there.

    I’m in very deep. Not just the in the fandom. It’s the people. You see when I joined this, I was just browsing the interwebs, curious and wanting to know more. Then I saw a lot of crazy and I got scared. Really, there is some scary shit out there!

    I found some cool blogs, and people that sounded smart, funny and educated, people that weren’t in it just to make fun. And I felt like I might belong in this little niche. And I love this little niche, it’s my virtual home and I ain’t living because everyone here is awesome!

    As for the other stuff: I’m an anthropology major, I live and breathe to watch people and their behavior. Public behavior and comprehension is actually the area I would like to develop work in (I wish!). So you can see why this fascinates me. This discussions will turn my comments so big I might just have to publish them under the title “Ethnology of a Fandom” though “All That I Know, I Learned As A Fangirl” as a nice ring to it so I might ask you for the rights for that one. (No worries, you get profit.)

    Have a lovely weekend!

  11. Pingvingirl May 6, 2011 at 12:07 pm #

    As usual you’ve summed up everything perfectly- and asked the questions that should be asked. I love all that you say about Kristen at the Met Gala. I get annoyed- it happened this year and last- to see some of her fans saying her attendance meant she’d “arrived”. She is, first, foremost and always an amazing actress. There is no need for validation from any fashion event, however prestigious. But that doesn’t mean I wasn’t happy to see her at the Met. I love that she owned her attendance and her otherness in a very striking way. She stood out among a sea of pretty dresses in a unique gown that owned the theme for which it was designed. And- at the fashion event of the year- she dressed down for the after party. That impresses- and influences me- more than anything else. I’m more than a decade older than Kristen and I totally look up to her for always being true to herself.

    I’ve been a fan since I first saw Twilight in July 2009. I was totally spellbound by the chemistry between Rob and Kristen. I still am. I have never fangirled over anything as much as the pics of Kristen with Bear- and I’m not even a dog person (I tend to be scared of anything with more legs than I have!) I suspect that means I’m over invested. But I’m not sorry. I wouldn’t have started writing again if I hadn’t started trying to figure out why I was so fascinated. And I’m grateful to have found these role models, having spent my entire life trying to conform to what others expect. I try much harder now to be true to myself- and my life is fuller and better as a result.

    I look forward to whatever comes next with your Musings- and congratulations to you and N!

  12. Adams May 6, 2011 at 10:26 am #

    @Granny Fairy *sigh* why did you have to make a comment like that? I don’t get it.

  13. MyCleverAlias May 6, 2011 at 8:59 am #

    KJ … love. I think I’m still trying to absorb everything from this post! And, well, am completely distracted by the gorgeous StewShots from the Met. Flawless. Sigh. My thoughts on that night are probably overly documented, so I’ll just move on.

    Except: seriously. SERIOUSLY. She could have worn a trash bag, and it wouldn’t have mattered, if she’d felt that good, held herself that confidently, lit up that radiantly. More than any of the details, the way she presented herself was so beautiful. Not sure we can call her a “girl” much longer …

    For real, though: CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU AND N! I just spazzed on Twitter, but it bears repeating here. 🙂

    I’ve been thinking a lot about investment lately. Because it IS kind of disturbing that I do a better job of being in regular touch with my online fandom friends (for lack of a better term) than I am with many others in my life. I refuse to use “real-life” or even “3D,” which I do like better, simply because this is my life, all of it, even the parts where I send words across the airwaves to people I’ve never met. And likely never will, for the most part.

    I’ve been in this gig since … oh, I want to say mid-late 2008. When I first read the books. Filming was finished for Twi. And as a faithful reader of a certain Canadian gossip blogger that many despise, I saw several very early articles on the chemistry between Rob and Kristen. For reasons that I literally cannot articulate, I was drawn in. It’s not like this is the first time I’ve thought a couple was cute and had good chemistry (*cough* never mind the fact that they weren’t actually a couple yet *cough*). Maybe it was the convergence of life circumstances, enabling technology and just the magnetism of Rob and Kristen?

    At any rate, I have no regrets. Because in the process of following this unusual and decidedly Rebellious couple, I have met some amazing people. Women who share my views, who love the same literature and movies, who care deeply about the same subjects far beyond anything to do with entertainment or famous individuals. Do I need to do a better job of communicating with other family and friends? Absolutely. Will I give this up? Hell, no. It brings entirely too much joy and companionship to my days.

    Furthermore, I WANT to celebrate Rob and Kristen. So much about Hollywood makes me insane. The greed, the waste, the lust for fame simply for fame’s sake. The lack of consequences, the immaturity, the vapidness. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. This exists everywhere, but it feels like that universe exists to encourage it.

    Rob and Kristen are so refreshing. They’re not perfect, but they embody so many qualities I admire. They’re nice and incredibly generous. Humble. Intelligent. Private. Introspective. Bold. Dedicated to family and friends. Passionate. Hard-working. Funny! OTHER.

    People spend a lot of time on significantly less worthy people and pursuits. I love that our collective (which … such a evocative way to describe, I love, well done) is about enjoying and admiring the lives and careers of these two flawed but pretty effing brilliant individuals. Together and separately.

    And with that, I’ve written ENOUGH. I can’t wait to pursue the topics you mentioned, KJ. I think there will be a lot of interesting conversation generated. And I have faith that your readers will be able to discuss and even disagree with respect and civility.

    Because at the end of the day, we’re all about the love here, right?

    I have so much for you. Thank you for taking the time to make this contribution for our community. xoxoxoxo

  14. dano328 May 6, 2011 at 8:10 am #

    Hi KJ,

    Many of us just want to enjoy and appreciate what is so extraordinary about Kristen. Your essays celebrate this in the best way. I think we agree that the hate is usually not worth acknowledging. I learn about the negative second hand. I don’t “follow” these people on Twitter so I don’t know who they are and how many of them exists.
    It has become more difficult to continue ignoring as of late. I fight myself against writing a nasty post directed at the source of the hatred. So I appreciate it most of the time that the crazy is being addressed by others. I did write one such post several months ago and it was not a comfortable feeling, despite all the praise that I got for it. I remain undecided
    about doing it again.
    I am glad there are blogs such as yours to drown out the negative and celebrate the good.

    Take Care,


  15. Misty May 6, 2011 at 7:58 am #

    Congrats to N ( and you) for the green card. What a relief, giving you guys some breathing room.
    Love the idea of the new format. I am very familiar w/ betty’s blog and like how she addresses topics. That format here will do really well. It seems as this sharing of love, otherness is why I come to your blog in the first place. We need a place to just breath out each week, share similar loves, and release from whatever craziness seems to plague the fandom. As you know, I do pretty well ignoring the cray cray. I did not even know there was controversy over pics w/ Kristen and Bear. It actually made me laugh out loud reading what people are saying. It is that ridiculous. I will never understand why people have to tear other’s down to make themselves feel better. There are truly better and more productive ways to lift one’s spirits.

  16. I too have had some interesting encounters with fans on our Kristen and I was not happy with what was said. I have followed her career from “Panic Room” forward and she’s never disappointed, regardless of some slightly less elegant performances ( IMHO ). Her partner in crime/passion, was a lousy actor before I started working with her and has since matured into a fair actor.

    Now make that statement in a fan chat room and wait for the haters to surface. I’m an old woman, I’ve been around since 1942 ( will be 69 this August ) and I’ve seen hundreds of actors come and go, so I have a fair idea of what good acting is. If fans want to admit they are “into him” for the looks, that’s one thing, don’t yell at me because I say he’s not that great an actor.

    Anyhow, you’ve nailed it for me again, and I am looking forward to reading the more you have to say as you’ve outlined above.

    Keep the Other good fight,
    Granny Fairy aka CWO’B

  17. beans May 6, 2011 at 5:25 am #

    Greencard YAY!!! Congrats to N!!!

    I just realized that I never actually answer the questions you pose at the end of your essays, KJ! Sorry, LOL! I am usually just so blown away and inspired by your words that I am only able to respond with praise. (Which isn’t a bad thing right?)

    Okay, so I’ll try really hard to answer the question this time, bear with me I’m terrible at this. Have I found that I am in too deep and when did I realize this? Well, it took several people telling me before it actually dawned on me that I was in too deep. There was a time when I was embarrassed by that, to be honest, and I felt that I needed to hide it from everyone. How do you explain to people this fandom and your passion for it?( My husband thought I was nuts.) Well, after the passing of my mother I finally realized that we have to embrace the things which make us happy and never apologize for them. This fandom; talking with the friends I’ve made through it and supporting two very deserving artists simply makes me happy. Being “in too deep” has brought so much to my life, it gives me a little something more to look forward to each day. It is so important, I feel, for women to reach out to eachother and this fandom is a healthy outlet for that. Not only do we follow and support Rob and Kristen, but we talk about our lives and help each other through some pretty tough stuff. I am so happy to be a part of it all and extremely thankful to my “Sisters” for always being there for me.

    KJ, thanks again for your positivity and uplifting words, they really do inspire me.

    (((Big huge hugs))) Beanai

  18. DeeDreamer May 6, 2011 at 5:03 am #

    KJ – You’ve nailed it once again, bb! First of all, congrats to you and N on the Green Card!! Having worked on behalf of my former company (in my former life, it seems!) with immigration attorneys to help employees get their permanent residency, it’s truly a joy and a major accomplishment to celebrate. Mazel Tov!!! 🙂

    I think I realized I’m “in too deep” about a year ago – when I began to have physical, visceral reactions to things happening in this fandom well beyond any personal or direct connection to me and my life. If I’m being honest with myself, there’s a big part of me that knows that can’t be all that healthy – to have this level of investment and allow it the power to affect my mood in “real life.” But as you’ve explained in today’s essay as well as in other Musings, there’s been a gradual but distinct merging of RL and FL *fake life* for us…this fascination-slash-defense-slash-support has evolved from being a secretive side hobby to a true definition of who I am.

    And I’ve honestly asked myself “why” several times…even tried to explain it to willing ears (and sadly, there are few of those in my 3D life). The best I can do is that for some reason, these two people (Rob and Kristen) have come to be representative of so much of what I value: integrity, joyful love, unconditional support, dedication to what they hold dear, autonomy in their professional decisions, risk-takers, kind souls, graciousness. The list goes on and on. In watching them – together and separately – I am constantly observing these values I share with them in action, and it brings me infinite joy. Perhaps because so much of young Hollywood is so empty, predictable, fickle…everything Kristen and Robert are NOT.

    So although it may be slightly abnormal, and my attachment my sometimes verge on unhealthy, the reasons for which I find myself fascinated and thoroughly invested as a fan are things I cannot possibly feel “wrong” for. I’ve realized seeing my values live and breathe is not open for judgment by anyone else. 😉

    Thank you, as always, for sharing your words of wisdom with us all. Many, many hugs, my friend!!

    xo ~DD

  19. edmett May 5, 2011 at 9:16 pm #

    Yes. I am in much deeper than I ever expected. Which is somewhat hilarious for me because I tend to go 100% in my intended direction, and THIS has even shocked me. K, we have been in this fandom for about the same amount of time, and I’ve felt the “in too deep” for quite some time. I don’t know a specific time, but it ebbs & flows like the tides. Right now is like a high tide. I don’t know what to make of it really.

    I guess for me, “In too deep” equates to “I care too much”. And I don’t know what I think about all that.

    Once again, the title of this MOO fits all to well with my current personal quandries: I’ve been pondering the vastness of “always more to know.”

    For me, I’ve had this Don Henley lyric circling in my head, “The more I know, the less I understand.” I think the next line is “All the things I thought I’d figured out, I have to learn again.” Yep. That about sums it up.

  20. Crystal May 5, 2011 at 8:49 pm #

    first *squeeeeee* N GOT HIS GREEN CARD!!!! I’m so excited for both of you! Having many friends going through the same process when I lived in the USA – I get it and I know how stressful it is as I saw them go through it SO I couldn’t be happier for both of you! Thats a wonderful anniversary present – isn’t it?

    I LOVE LOVE LOVE “All that I know, I learned as a fangirl.” Because it’s so true. It seems every other day, I explain something or know something and people ask “How did you know that?” and I say “You’d be surprised how much you learn as a Twilight fan.” So that would be my vote.

    Deeper than you realized is the story of my life – and then some. I owe you an email. The boy? The boy in San Fran? Yeah. Back in the life. And I honestly think when it comes to love and feelings and all that mush – you can easily suddenly realize “holy shit – i’m in WAY deeper than I thought.” Its scary but its also enlightening and exciting. So yeah – i’ve been there. AND I will send you a very long email very soon. I promise ❤

    As always – loved this post and GO ME commenting on the actual day of release! *pats myself on the back*

    Sending much love darling xx C

  21. Cheermom May 5, 2011 at 8:36 pm #

    You go KJ!! Congrats on N (and you) for getting that long awaited Green Card. Wonderful news my dear!!!

    I was drawn into this “fandom” innocently enough. I knew what I saw with my own eyes and sought out “others” who saw the same thing. Who would have thought I (a wife and mother of three children…all three of which are “other”) would get sucked into something like this?

    And yes my friend, it has been a long journey…it exhausts me, and it isn’t my life…imagine the journey our favorite Royal Rebel has been on. But during this journey, I have learned more about Kristin and what an amazing girl turned woman she is and continues to become. I have never had so much respect for someone I don’t even know. And I can’t wait to see who she becomes!

    It has brought me wonderful friends that I don’t know what I would do without. It has made me grow as a person and strive to be better. And watching the cray cray spiral into delirious hate has only made me fight for her harder.

    I think my moment of plunging into the deep-end came when some wonderful women took a chance on me and allowed me to become a part of a new family. While we bonded over our love for a certain couple, it has become a source of laughs and support. I would never have met them if it weren’t for a certain Rebel and her confidant.

    While Kristen and Rob will never meet me, they changed my life for the better and so did you!

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