Back To The Barre

19 Jul
A/N: So very, very unbeta’d. Please forgive me the typos, grammatical slips and bobbles. I own some pictures in today’s essay. Most of the others, not so much. Goddess bless Tumblr.

“Rocks in my way, I pick them all up. Someday I’m going to build myself a castle.” ~Fernando Pessoa

Greetings, all you Beatific Misfits! I hope this long overdue essay finds you well and healthy? I am hanging, but I’m going to be totally honest: I’m beaten up, overwhelmed, wary, and emotional (even more than usual…scary). I realize I’m over four days late in posting New Musings and that knowledge just makes me twitchy, albeit from the pressure I put on myself, not from anything external. We are our own biggest critic, are we not? I’ve had what I’ve wanted to talk about in this essay outlined in my notebook for nearly a week now, but I’ve not found the articulation. I hope you’ll flow with me.

A part of my ill ease is that I’m still acclimating to being home after my national assignment with the Red Cross. Other causes for my wariness stem from natural stressors that accompany family, marriage and friendships that are moving through transitions. Admittedly a small contribution to my discomfort expels from the atmosphere of tension surrounding fellow “fans” and “supporters” in the Kristen/Rob/Twi Community. And a leeetle smidgen of my preoccupation may surround my decisions for following Bliss.


So how do I move forward when I am feeling fractured, uncertain and unsettled? I go back to the beginning. I return to the stripped-down foundation, to the basics. I review what it is that motivates me and inspires me to go forth…whether it be writing or journaling; playing the piano or singing; writing music, reading poetry or literature [or spicy fanfic], listening to music, surrounding myself with inspiring and kind people, walking on the beach, or rereading letters received or letters I’ve sent to someone else. I start from scratch and, in advice  from one of my favorite guilty pleasures, the dance movie, Center Stage, I go ‘back to the barre’.

In the technically meticulous and heartbreakingly beautiful art of ballet, the barre is a handrail either bolted to the wall or a horizontal, free-standing base. It is used for the warm up period before floor work and dance sequences. While sometimes seen as monotonous and tedious, barre work is crucial for all dancers, regardless of level of skill, as the exercises build strength for leaps and turns, sharpen precision, hone speed, and enhance flexibility and balance. It’s the reacquaintance of one with his or her roots and center. This month, I need to come back to my center almost desperately, because I felt that I might drift away, too far.  So, this week’s essay is my own reminder about the significance in returning to the place of grounding.

Since She’s Been Gone

Well, since we last talked, our Rebel Queen Kristen has been spotted just about everywhere among the county of Los Angeles, as well as in Toronto on the Cosmopolis film set and maybe New York City. Girlfriend has been on the move…and without a doubt, she’s got several vultures on her trail (growling). Now, *clears throat* I haven’t been nearly as active as the fierce and lovely Ms Stewart. Nope, since I’ve returned from my assignment last month, the only thing I’ve been actively doing is …emoting.  I have probably experienced and then worked through every single emotion possible, including apathy, anger and elation. A couple of you lovelies have written me and asked me how I’ve returned to “normal” after seeing what I saw and learning what I did while working with the survivors (aka Inspiring Heroes) of the natural disasters in Mississippi and Missouri. When my friend CC asked me how I’m able to be “back and continue on in life”, I answered, “Slowly, painstakingly, carefully.”

patience and gentleness

One thing I’ve very clearly realized since coming home: I have zero tolerance for hate-vom and/or unnecessary drama. No room in my 3D relationships and not in this fandom. Having watched families emerge from the literal ruins of their lives in Joplin, I cannot find it in me to participate in power struggles between factions amongst supporters in this fandom regarding tidbits they’ve allegedly received  first.  I cannot summon the patience to follow the hate-filled and irrational spewage of theories by people who have agendas of generating chaos and disagreement just so they can claim they were involved in it.

I’ve stepped back from Twitter. I still keep my eye on the news around the fandom just for confirmation that our Reigning Other Queen Kristen appears healthy and that she is still employing The Stealth; but I don’t read the twitlongers or Re-Tweets of Nonsensicals because 1) I’d rather put my energy elsewhere and 2) There are people who have made it their job to read and address the hate and hypocrisy. Hats off to @BecauseWeAreNot for spearheading that particular operation.

The Beats were pretty profound, yes?

Soooo, what does one do to carry on without getting carried away? One seeks the counterbalance. Revisit and celebrate what it is that compelled us in the beginning. Ms Stewart has been away from public, prying eyes these days, which is how she likes it best. Kristen’s unique brand of badass-regality is comprised of her ability to move through daily activities–while being tailed, hounded, stalked and scrutinized–with little reaction or fanfare.  She’s admitted in the past to feeling overwhelmed and timid when photographers and “groups [of girls]” approached her in public, but she appears to have connected with that inner compass of calm within herself over the year. This is a Royal Rebel’s way of staying centered.

In addition to a cool and gracious exchange of car insurance information after a fender bender in Hollywood….Well, she runs errands.

She works out in preparation for new film roles (while in SPANDEX, yo)…

…She visits her parents, peruses through vintage clothing stores, trains for horseback riding, and visits her aesthetically pleasing partner in rebelliousness Robert (along with their dog) on the set of his now-wrapped David Cronenberg-directed film Cosmopolis. Kristen carries on with her daily happenings….so why can’t everybody else? Kristen describes herself as “incredibly boring” (an argument that is actively disputed I’m sure by everyone who knows her) and she harbors propensity towards being a homebody who chooses to read books and hang with her cat in lieu of attending high-profile industry parties and award shows. She will, however, attend public events if it means supporting beloved friends:

Dean and his Marylou

The Chris & Kris Mutual Admiration Society

While Kristen flits in and out of public’s viewfinder, ensuring she has time to reacquaint herself with the mundane and normal, perhaps we can do the same…for ourselves…? Precious energy does not have to be poured into analyzing why Kristen is not seen out, or if she and Robert are getting along well. We instead could rejoice for those moments the girl has any privacy. Or better yet:  we could infuse our efforts into our own relationships. Call it a hunch, but I bet that both Kristen and Rob would much prefer we enhance our relationships instead of scrutinizing theirs.

A startling lesson I learned while away last month: It could be gone. All of it–obliterated–RIGHT NOW. Every single person I counseled in Joplin stated that the complete destruction of their lives occurred within a millisecond. Where and how did those people spend those final moments? Checking Twitter timelines? Updating their Facebook status? Dissecting someone else’s private life?

The Fangirl Learned: A Magical Era Ends Emerges

A method of returning to the barre (and in some ways, melt into escapism) for me is the immersion into compelling stories and films. I finished and fell insanely in love with the book Divergent and I saw the final Harry Potter film this week. It might have been too much epicness in too short a timespan, now that I think about it. We may talk more, MUCH more about Divergent another week. For those of you who have not read this incredible book–in my opinion, it is the next best read behind The Hunger Games– DO IT. DO IT NOWWWWWW.

For those of you who have read it (very Big UPs to my Good Reads Girls): Did you find the message as profound as I did? The message being: We are at our most powerful and beautiful when we embrace all facets of ourselves–including the elements we are told are wrong, odd, fear-inducing and unwanted–aka OTHER??

#CannotBeLabeled #AlsoKnownAsOther #FourandSix

And as I begin this new series of wonderfulness (come join me in reading Divergent’s upcoming sequel next Spring, will ya?) another beloved series drew to a close. Last Wednesday evening, I could be found stuffing my purse with packets of tissues and weighing the pros and cons of eating popcorn smothered in “butter” (because you shall go big or go home). I both hated and LOVED that I sat in front of a ginormous movie screen playing the final Harry Potter film, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2. I expected to shed tears. Many of them. And sure enough, my first tears fell before the haunting screen shot of the title fully formed in front of us onscreen.

Always an ardent book lover, I was a Potter fan since the very beginning. I was 18 years old when the first Harry Potter novel, The Philosopher’s [Sorcerer’s] Stone was first released. I was a freshman in college and I was hostessing for a seafood restaurant part-time when I purchased my copy.  It was the first time I participated in anything that remotely resembled fangirling, and it combined with a burgeoning love for The WB television network’s Buffy The Vampire Slayer.

Fun Fan-Girl Fact #1: I created a 15 minute public-speaking presentation for a college speech course defending the virtues and benefits of watching Buffy The Vampire Slayer. I got an A, thank you very much, and turned a handful of cynical college cohorts into Buffy fans.

Fun Fan-Girl Fact #2: It was for Harry , Ron and Hermione and not Bella and Edward that I went to the midnight book release events and stood in the long movie lines on premiere days.

The film, Deathly Hallows Part 2, in my opinion, was wonderful. The experience of seeing it at Midnight in a packed theater teeming with fellow Potter fans was incredibly bittersweet but still glorious.  I saw the first movie (Sorcerer’s Stone) via matinee by myself (that may have been the first time I saw a movie alone in the theater) because my then-boyfriend hadn’t woken up from his all-night music writing session of the previous evening. A decade later, I watched the final film in a theater in an entirely new city with a husband who told all his friends on Twitter that he was at the midnight showing of “Harry PORTER“. N has not read the books but over the past few years has seen all the movies. My, what a difference a decade makes.

We’re also nearing the end of the our time with Twilight. Our Majestic Misfits Kristen and Robert are set to return for their third appearance at San Diego’s Comic Con[vention] this Thursday, July 21. This will be the couple’s first public appearance since the eventful MTV Movie Awards in early June.  It’s also the first major promotional push for The Twilight Saga’s final film installment: Breaking Dawn. As I am writing this essay, people (including my crazy beautiful sister @robkris13)  are already lined up at the convention center in San Diego to camp out  for Thursday’s panel–comprised of director Bill Condon and actors Ms Stewart, Mr Pattinson and Mr Lautner. We’ll talk more about Comic Con next time..but suffice to say: It’s kinda a big deal.


#DeepBreath #BeforeTheInsanity #DidNotSeeThisComing



Did someone ask a question?

What will this Thursday’s Breaking Dawn Comic Con panel bring…?

We’re granted a double dose of Kristen (uh, Hell yeah) this year at Comic Con as she is sitting on a second panel in representation for her new project Snow White and The Huntsman. This will be the very first promotional event for SWATH. The panel will consist of director Rupert Sanders and the [obscenely] attractive cast. Filming isn’t scheduled to begin until next month in London, so this Comic Con appearance will provide a unique opportunity to gaze stupidly at the pretty  learn about the storyline and characters before production commences.

Hope y'all are near a fire-exit because will this panel explode or...?

This month I have goals (besides enjoying Comic Con and filming updates for SWATH) to expand The Magical Little Practice, launch a consulting firm attached to the MLP, and pursue instructor certification for Red Cross courses. While trying to gather the strength and courage to do all of those things, another healing, magical element emerged this month for me to appreciate.

This is when I turn to you all with wondrous eyes, surveying the friendships and relationships I’ve forged as a result of my involvement in this Kristen Stewart and Unconventional Beauty Support Campaign. Last week, I was blessed with visitors hailing from all corners of North America including Canada. And these ladies are the loveliest, most eloquent , most wickedly funny and brilliant gals. We met through…THIS. Through Musings, through KSIBTU, through our mutual support and admiration of our Reigning Other Queen Kristen and her Deliciously Poetic Partner in Crime, Robert Pattinson.

Whenever it becomes almost intolerable and painful to endure the slander, libel and absurd delusions concocted by the severely unsatisfied Other-Hunters and Chaos-creators in, drink in the sights of people you have met whom embody positive attributes: independent ideas, positive regard, wit, and open mindedness…maybe recognize the whimsy and fierce fashion accessories too…? Dear @Kate_Suena @MyCleverAlias @That_Bitch86 and briefly, Ms @J_carroll7: It’s been a pleasure and an honor.

These counterbalancing people you see probably possess  boundless pockets of joy…and perhaps the tendency for documentarian-like photography (which I support wholeheartedly btw) and the proclivity towards copious alcohol consumption…

night #4?

Also he or she may actually comprehend the awesome responsibility with which we use our words…

These neutralizing souls will most likely hold appreciation for varying perspectives. And he or she probably respects the value of introspection.

So that’s what I’ve been up to these past few weeks. I was all somber and contemplative for a few days, and then slightly combative and irritable for a few others. And now…Now, after spending a week or two stretching and warming up my muscles, breathing deeply and carefully considering the best position for my feet (hopefully not in my mouth, though that’s not a promise) at the barre, I am nostalgically reviewing the excitement and motivation that coursed through me as I researched new Royal Rebels to discuss with you…

Remember some of the Featured Royal Rebels we met this year? They have all traveled through these months garnering accolades from critics and colleagues along with numerous award nominations. They’ve debuted exciting and innovative new projects, released new albums, starred in blockbusters and/or critically acclaimed films.




I’ve three people percolating at the top of my head whom I hope to feature in the near future, just a heads up. Anyone you’re eager to see?

Remember those feelings of pride and glee when you caught a clip or video of Our Ambassador of Other Ms Stewart in refreshingly honest interviews or slightly uncomfortable, but always-humble award show appearances?

Remember when we first met because we held respect for Kristen’s career trajectory and her unapologetic genuineness? Remember when we all were collaborators and we would brainstorm new definitions and reframes for negative connotations and labels such as “unusual”, “awkward”, “unconventional” and “odd”?? Remember when we were ecstatic because Kristen appeared to have found a kindred spirit within a bumbling, awkward, intellectual and charming British bloke?

Yeah. I remember too. And I’d really like to return to that joyous, reverent, cohesive place as soon as possible. These past few weeks of drifting, regrouping, withdrawing and re-prioritizing have been exactly the sort of conditioning and healing I sought, whether consciously or not. Knowing I have several goals and hopes to address this year, I must have recognized the need to cocoon before pushing boundaries and charging forward at full speed. So after finishing several books, witnessing the grace and graciousness of a Reigning Other Queen, viewing one tearful but satisfying finale to a decade-long film series; and, enjoying the company of fellow Others amongst The Beats and summertime ideals, I am stepping away from the railing along the wall and moving towards an open floor. However, I know whenever I feel off-center or uncertain, I can always, always find balance along the barre.

We are Other.

Kristen is Other.

Others seek clarity and balance along the barre.

Embrace Your Other.

*  *  *

QUESTION 1: What do you do when you need to reconnect with your roots? How do you steady yourself along the barre for balance?

QUESTION 2: Who is a Royal Rebel you’d like to see featured in a future Musings?

QUESTION 3: Memories of past ComicCons? Hopes for this year’s double-Stewy panel?


Opening Pessoa quote provided by @Dizzy_Ladybug

Picture credits for “drinks” and “rings” goes to @Kate_Suena.

Printer’s Ink” courtesy of @MyCleverAlias.

Kristen at the PCA’s is from @CheerySarcasm

Infinite curtsies and bows to:

Bouffant for talking me through stuff.

My ‘Good Reads’ Girls for providing me an escape.

Possum Bestie @Justice_Aussie for “pinning me” with pretty quotes and pictures.

**Playlist for this Essay**

Where’d You Go ~ Fort Minor feat Holly Brook

Belong ~ The Cary Brothers

After The Storm ~ Mumford & Sons

Poison and Wine ~ The Civil Wars

23 Responses to “Back To The Barre”

  1. J. July 23, 2011 at 7:36 pm #

    Hi KJ~

    First, many apologies for my delayed commenting. I read this post and needed time to “process,” as you are quite familiar with I think. 😉 This post was fabulous, my dear. It is so important to “go back to the basics” from time to time, a fact that many (myself included) often forget in the craziness that is… life. I think that we understand it best when we encounter a situation that is so profound, so intense, that we can’t even relate to things the way we once did. It is only after seeing something that is truly important, that you open your eyes to what is not. Things like drama and useless hate become even more insignificant and honestly enraging. It angers me to see people wasting time with spreading hate and negativity when there are so many important issues that deserve such attention. I am not a saint. I have gotten wrapped up in drama from time to time (and probably will again) and this post reminded me that when things like that happen, it is best to step away. If we don’t continue to advertise an issue, it can’t gain popularity. Thank you for solidifying the importance of positivity.

    I love this part…
    “Remember when we first met because we held respect for Kristen’s career trajectory and her unapologetic genuineness?” ~KJ

    Kristen is a perfect example of “going back to the basics” choosing to be true to herself and keep those close that are important to her. She is cautious and guarded, but with good reason. She does the things and associates with those who make her happy and doesn’t care what the “public” thinks of her. I am mad that I can’t remember the exact quote, but she once said something like she would rather be honest and be thought of as a bitch than be fake and try to be something others think “she should be.” That is the root of why I love her. “To thine own self be true.” (Shakespeare shit) And, she is. She obviously has many, many other endearing qualities as well, but I digress.

    As for your questions…
    I think I just go home to stay grounded. I look at my life, at my family, and remind myself how lucky I really am. I have many things to be thankful for and sometimes I just need to step back and appreciate them.

    Others I would like to see in MOO… So many!! But, first and foremost? Zooey Deschanel. The girl is brilliant. She is an actress, a singer, a songwriter, a musician, a philanthropist, and so much more!! Some of my favorite Zooey quotes…

    “I don’t want to be a babe. I don’t want vanity to ever get in the way, because I think to maintain that, you have to be aware of yourself all the time, and that gets in the way of acting. My job’s not to be the beautiful person. My job is to be the best actor I can be.” ~Z.D.

    “I’m into sincerity in music and sincerity in art. If it doesn’t feel true, I don’t want to do it. Things that are too dramatic scare me. I think that’s why I don’t always fit into the world of performing arts.”~Z.D

    Just an idea… :DDD

    Ok, so this post is out of control obviously, so I will finish up. KJ, if anyone has taught me that you can do whatever you set your mind to, it’s you. Stay strong and be positive and good things will happen. Like Kristen says, be you and make no apologies for following your heart… wherever that may take you. I hope you find what you are looking for and find peace in knowing that week after week, you continue to inspire us beyond what we ever thought possible!!

    xoxo, J.

    • KJ July 24, 2011 at 12:24 pm #

      Hello my darling J! Please do not EVER EVER apologize for coming here against “a time obligation” to leave some kind words. Firstly, we Others laugh at time constraints, yes? For another, I’m just so pleased that you come here at all and contribute your oft-brilliant thoughts and suggestions to this little pocket of ours. As for taking a step back and going back to basics? Yes, while I’ve written about it specifically only a couple times, the concept of returning to roots and grounding is something I must remind myself of every single day, often several times. It informs my decisions on which battles to choose, where to focus energy, what to let go…And I agree, Kristen is a perfect example of one going ‘back to the barre’ and producing positive [luminous] results. Thank you for your suggestion of the lovely Ms Zooey, I have actually already written one about her…here: but you have further prompted me into the idea of revisiting some of our featured Rebels over the year. Since we last checked in on some of them, they have moved on to receive international and critical acclaim…all while being OTHER. Very inspirational indeed. Hope you’re well and that you’re enjoying your special edition T-SHIRT! xoxo, K

  2. true love July 20, 2011 at 10:01 am #

    lovely as always..Gracias Hermana…
    God bless..xoxo

    • KJ July 24, 2011 at 11:55 am #

      Muchas gracias para ti, mi hermana! You are always so supportive and kind of my ramblings, and you help spread the word of Otherness and Kristen Support everywhere in the community, and I’m humbled and flattered that you do so every week. Much love, K xx

  3. pharmgirl15 July 20, 2011 at 7:38 am #

    Thanks for another beautiful, thought-provoking post. Summer is generally a time for me to take a step back from my hectic life and “reset” my personal and professional priorities and goals- sounds like you might have done some of that yourself! Glad to hear you are healing after your time in the South- good friends and good food/drinks are a perfect remedy for the soul. 🙂
    Answers to questions:
    1. Depends how off-center I feel as to what I need to do to get it back- sometimes it is as simple as going to the farmers market and buying produce like we grew on our farm…. or maybe I can make a pot of sauce like my grandmom taught me…. or sometimes I need to actually go “off the radar” for awhile (cell phone off, no iPod, no tv, no internet….just me and a book or journal) to get my center back.
    2. Christina Ricci- She was the example of OTHER I had while growing up. She was never the typical Hollywood starlet… she picked interesting roles in tiny movies….. and she never seemed to apologize for who SHE was. The idea that her and KStew have met in real life (Bel Ami set, I imagine…) kind of blows my mind.
    3. My only Comic-con experience is watching all the videos that fans post of their experiences and wondering WHY in the heck everyone needs to SCREEAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMM so much! I just want to hear the cast talk! Rob was a bit right when he said it sounded like opening the gates of Hell. LOL!! Anyways, I love getting the answers to so many questions from a wide range of cast (and the director!) in such a direct and instant way! I just hope the questions are pre-screened somehow so we don’t have any facepalm (or god forbid, the double facepalm) moments! I am most looking forward to the Josh Horowitz interview with the cast ( and the SWATH panel. I also want to know how much the little girl playing Renessmee collected in her curse jar, especially in light of the “Go F*ck Yourself” game that was being played on set-lol.

    Oh and I just added Divergent to the long list of books to be read…… I followed the fandom down the Hunger Games rabbit hole and did not regret it, so I mind as well follow along on this newest fandom obsession!

    • KJ July 24, 2011 at 11:50 am #

      Hi Pharmgirl! I always look forward to your responses. Your comments are thoughtful, eloquent, and courageously applicable to your personal journey which is all I ever hoped for with writing Musings in the first place. I understand completely how your healing, centering “barre” could be home away from technology and prying obligations. A farmer’s market is especially divine. Thank you for your suggestion of Christina Ricci! I think she may very well be our next featured Rebel, especially in light of the release of the Bel Ami trailer this week. I’m happy you’ll be experiencing your first Comic Con this year (this year, was the calmest one yet and a successful Stewy-endeavor to boot!). And when you start Divergent, let me know. It’s incredible, and my favorite read outside of Hunger Games. We have a whole new commonality to connect on! xo, KJ

  4. Emma July 19, 2011 at 2:18 pm #

    Thank you KJ. You writing is just getting better and better!

    • KJ July 19, 2011 at 11:01 pm #

      Thank YOU Emma for always stopping by and leaving such positive, supportive comments! Hope you’ve been well. How is your daughter? xo

      • Emma July 26, 2011 at 3:51 pm #

        Sorry for being late with response. Annie just turn 13 and is an aspiring well. what is the word- amatur actress(kidding a bit but proud) .Does films with NYU students, some music videos, small tv episodes. Every time they need a dead body on a set they call her. I am a tolerant parent and allow her. She is in a pre production of some awesome small budget film. Serious work. Rehearsal one a month for two hrs, writing essays, drawing, costume fitting and what they call”building characters”. It is like being in school. She gets homework before each sessions and the film will be done in December. Thanks again for you posts. They mean so much to us.

  5. ladybug July 19, 2011 at 1:26 pm #

    First of all I’m honoured in Pessoa’s behalf that you choose that quote. I can do that because once I interviewed one of his grand-nieces. NBD. Ok, big deal, there was heavy fangirling. He was a very VERY other character and my favorite Portuguese poet.

    Second, I do not know how someone manages to cope with real trivial life after seeing what you’ve seen. I can only imagine that every little thing must seam so much valuable and precious now after seeing how fast it all can go.

    Thanks to life and high school I learned at an early age that dwelling on petty stuff and hating just for the sake of hating is WRONG, mean and demeaning to yourself and to other people. I never get the hate talk on Twitter, and I think it’s a great idea to back away from it. Feeding into it is not going to help the problem especially if people are already doing it because they know the effect they have.
    I am SO jealous of you meeting @kate_suena and @MyCleverAlias in Cali. You’re all officialy invited for Castle/Beach Road Trip with me ONE DAY.

    Question 1: I go to my grandparents. No kidding. Their house makes me go back to basics. I sleep. I’m nothing without sleep. I read, and I think. I walk on the beach and get my feet wet because nothing makes you feel like your problems are smaller than looking at a big wide ocean.

    Question 2: I haven’t been reading Musings since the beginning because obviously I fail at life. So I still need to go back and read all the ones I missed. So hmm…I don’t know… Have you done Ellen Page? Love her.

    Question 3: This is the first CC happening since I became a part of this thing people call fandom so colour me EXCITED! I have no memories, just many hours wasted trying to decipher what people are saying beyhond the screaming. I so want to see the SWATH pannel, really happy to see it all coming togeher with such a great/gorgeous cast.

    DIVERGENT is SOOOO GOOOOD! Seriously, people need to read that NAO. Great message and overall wrinting and characterisation. Also, FOUR. My favorite male character in a series. Yes, I just went there. Again. *nervously waits for next year for sequel*

    Have a great (rest of the) week everyone! xx

    • KJ July 19, 2011 at 11:01 pm #

      Hi my sweet J,
      Thank you for your lovely comment and again for the quote of a quote of your favorite Portuguese poet. 🙂 I cannot lie, I’ve struggled a lot these past weeks, and mostly because I discovered I have lost all tolerance for pettiness and bullying. The idea of feeding into or engaging in the mudslinging and essential bullying just crumbles me. So we do what we can do to counteract. I write MOO and hope that we can all find a way to contribute to positivity proactively. I look forward to our Castle/Beach Road Trip and I am so very grateful for the invite. I love your answers to the questions asked: I understand completely why your grandparents’ place is your “barre”. I have a place like that too, and it was where distant cousins of mine used to live, along the coast. Ellen Page is a great suggestion, she has not been featured yet, though she’s crossed my mind several times. And YES. Divergent is glorious. Incredible message indeed and Four is among my top 2 literary boys. We’ll read the sequel together next year, mmkay? Thanks for your always wonderful comment. xx

  6. beammeup_00 July 19, 2011 at 8:27 am #

    Ah, “normal”, what is that, anyway? Our normal keeps evolving as the features of our lives do also. You keep reminding me that I need to remember what is important to/for me. Not to let it slip away in the decidedly less invigorated state of my current “normal”. It is a struggle. But I always take joy in seeing you work through the challenges in your life and in the positive responses of the lovely women who take their cues from you.

    Being the empathetic individual you are, I cannot imagine the impact on you of the horror those poor people in Joplin suffered, and continue to suffer, through. That you could both feel their pain so deeply and re-frame that empathy into resisting the negativity in the little Fandom corner of our world is a testament to your inner strength.

    I am excited to hear more about your plans for the MLP. You will make it happen, I am sure. Thanks once again for eloquently helping us all pause and think about what is important in life. Peace.

    • KJ July 19, 2011 at 10:49 pm #

      Yes, we laugh in the face of “normal”. *Throws head back and gives a hearty guffaw* Hey, M. You always leave such gracious, eloquent comments, filled with such high praise that makes me blush. I appreciate the bravery you display byway of your honesty and willingness to share some of your stories with us. We’re all in this together, my friend. xo, KJ

  7. sjjw July 19, 2011 at 6:54 am #

    Your blog is a joy to read! I have just read “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Victor Frankl. My son is reading it for an assignment this summer, and we (parents) were asked to as well. I feel certain you have probably read this book, but for those who haven’t ~ please do! It is about Victor Frankl’s survivial in Auschwitz – heavy stuff yes. But he writes about not losing himself miraculously in the three years of torture he endured. He writes of hope and finding meaning when there seems to be none. All wonderful things to ponder and reflect upon. I read it two weeks ago now, and think of it daily. As I read your post, I was reminded once again of Frankl’s message: remember what is important in life! Find meaning in living…thank you so much for sharing your beautiful thoughts with us all. They are an inspiration.

    • KJ July 19, 2011 at 7:02 am #

      Hey hun! Yes Frankl’s story is profound, I agree. He is one of my heroes for psychotherapy, actually. My undergrad and grad school work was highly informed by his encouragement for in-the-moment-awareness and positive regard for humans despite the torture and cruelty endured. Thank you so much for coming by and saying hi and for sharing your thoughts on your reading. It is an incredibly resonant force…just as you are! xo, KJ

  8. nail July 19, 2011 at 6:19 am #

    i’m flowing with you Kai…….*ripple…ripple*………

    • KJ July 19, 2011 at 6:43 am #

      I can always count on you to flow with me, grrrrl. How you likin the rain? Oh. Wait, it’s not raining now is it? How you likin the heeeat, grrrl? xx

  9. DeeDreamer July 19, 2011 at 5:35 am #

    Another lovely and introspective essay, my friend. Thank you for sharing and for always doing your best to make sense of why it is those of us like-minded fans (and friends) feel the way we do – and for giving our emotions meaning.

    I, too, am at a turning point with my participation in the “fandom” – there are things I want to accomplish, dreams of my own I wish to pursue, leaving me with less time than I had before. I’ve also found after 2 years of active, relentless fanfic reading…I’m winding down. I’ll never stop reading, because there will always be incredible talents that draw me in. But having just finally gotten to read “The Hunger Games” trilogy after falling madly, completely and utterly in love with “Divergent” (dear Lord I am *so* with you on that one, KJ!!), I’ve rediscovered my love of “real” books. *sigh*

    Most exciting in this category was getting to meet fellow fandom friend (and sweetie-pie galore) @aylah50 outside of Syracuse for a Q&A and book signing with the amazingly cool author of the Wolves of Mercy Falls series – “Shiver”, “Linger”, and the just-released “Forever”, Maggie Stiefvater. Maggie was AMAZING to talk to. We were in the front row, totally fangirling, and I even got a question of mine answered. YAY! But the best part? Maggie signed my book and chose to write: “For Dani – Believe in your dreams!” — it was exactly the message I needed to hear.

    Thank you, Maggie. I think I will. 😉

    And thank YOU, KJ, for being YOU.

    Big hugs xoxoxo

    • KJ July 19, 2011 at 6:49 am #

      I am only as honest as I feel safe my dear D, and which is a testament to you. You KNOW I understand the draw to fic and really any solid, compelling storyline, but I also have been reminded of the beauty of “real books” too. I’m so glad you’re cracking into The Hunger Games, I am positive you’ll become enraptured if you aren’t already. How far in are you? Write me if you want to discuss or vent or just sigh a moment. I didn’t realize you and my girl @Aylah50 met in 3D! How exciting! And I’m so glad to hear that you went to see and meet Maggie. Her Mercy Falls series is all queued up on my Kindle to read. I’ll consult with you once I start reading. Anyway, Maggie said the most perfect thing to you, it’s exactly what you needed: Synchronicity at work again. As for the shifts in the energy in the fandom: we’ll just flow through this together as we have before. xo, K

  10. beans July 19, 2011 at 4:43 am #

    Well done KJ! Inspiring as always, thank you.

    • KJ July 19, 2011 at 5:11 am #

      I adore you, my Beansy. You are ALWAYS there, without fail. Thank you for your constant support. You have no idea what your encouragement means to me. xo

  11. Mel452 July 19, 2011 at 4:10 am #

    Love it as usual, darl.

    Seriously your words always ring true whether about this fandom or just life in general. I still can’t imagine what you endured during your time away with the Red Cross but you definitely keep things “real” not only for yourself but me and others.

    “…drink in the sights of people you have met whom embody positive attributes: independent ideas, positive regard, wit, and open mindedness…” – your quote…love. ❤

    …and love ya.

    And *squeels* about the "FUCK HATE" poster…not just because of its blatant honesty….but *sigh* memories of SF, North Beach, the Musuem, Vesuvis (and I think I might have spelt that wrong lol) and meeting you. 🙂 xx

    • KJ July 19, 2011 at 4:23 am #

      Ah Darl I think of you so often, and as i was wandering around in that neighborhood last week I so wished you were with me! I think of us trying to recreate the picture…And I think of all the scrumptious food we ate. . .We did not have enough time! Well, like I’ve said, my hope is to make it towards YOU next time! Fingers crossed and all my love. xx

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

wordpress visitors
%d bloggers like this: