We Are Mad To Live

27 Oct
A/N: The images displayed in this essay are not mine–Thank Goddess for Tumblr and Pinterest. Click the image for a link to their origin. So very unbeta’d–all mistakes and typos belong to moi. Musical playlist and Shout-outs at the bottom, including birthday wishes. Click “Subscribe” in the side panel to receive MOO in your Email…over heeeyah——->

“…the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding…”

~Jack Kerouac

Hey my Royal Rebels and Other Warriors! How’s it hanging? Lotssss of stuff going on right now, yeah?  Honestly, while it’s all positive, I’m a bit overwhelmed. So let’s focus and just dive in because there’s much to discuss. We last met about two weeks ago and, of course, in that time, the sky lit up with Royally Rebellious fireworks.

This month GlamourStew and the stunning British GQ article (which we’re discussing today) debuted…and the European Breaking Dawn promo tour commenced with our Warrior Poet Robert Pattinson leading the charge through Paris, Belgium and Sweden (looking dapper all the way through). Just this morning, our Reigning Other Queen transcended the realm which we mere mortals reside, into a Goddess via GlamourUK. . .

O_o….Let’s back that thing up, mmmkaaay? We’ll get to GlamourUK next time. Promise. On a personal note, I’ve encountered a few jarring bumps in the road as well, which tested my resilience and abilities for self-preservation. It was so very apt that my last full Musings was a call to Armour-Up because the moment I pushed “PUBLISH” on that essay, I found myself pulling on my boxing gloves. For a few days after writing about self-preservation and defending my worth, I found myself not speaking to my husband, and several times, in bouts of tears in different public places, including the laundromat and a science museum…and in front of my dear friend @kate_Suena via Skype. (Thank you, Katie for holding the space for me, and for reacting appropriately to my anguish).

I needed to speak up. I felt disrespected and dismissed. I had to remind myself of all the times I’ve asked you all to embrace The Good even when we don’t always believe it; and accept Otherness as desirable even though it can be alienating and daunting. My husband  N has not always understood my choices to pursue Bliss, and he was disconnected from my passionate involvement with Musings. He did not understand my essential drive behind seeking a peaceful coexistence for Otherness, (though he is an Other Rebel himself) nor did he see the bond I have with you all…not even when we initially encountered this: 

This is an angklung. It is a musical instrument comprised of bamboo tubes mounted on a bamboo frame. The tubes are carved to produce a resonant pitch that sings out when shaken or struck. Check it out on Google and YouTube to hear it’s dulcet, warm tone. Folks play symphonies and Top 4o Hits on these bad boys!! They are popular throughout Southeast Asia, but originated in West Java, Indonesia, from where my husband originally hails.

The picture above is of the actual instrument in my house. It was a gift from a lovely  Musings Reader named Icha (@ichaluvcat). Icha lives in beautiful Indonesia, in the Bandung region. When she heard that N was in Indonesia last month, she arranged to have the gift sent to him. N brought it home in pieces in a box that he carried on his lap for the duration of the 20 hour flight back to California.

Before boarding the flight, he called to tell me in an awed voice that his countrywomen’s gift for me was incredible. Icha, according to N, wanted to express her gratitude for what Musings provided for her. And then for the first time ever, N started to realize that Musings, and this collective, cohesive journey we’re on together as Riotous Rebels is bigger than he could  comprehend. He [hopefully] began to see that his disregard and dismissal of my pursuit of Bliss and my work with Musings actually disregards and dismisses me.

I wanted to share the story of the angklung with you to illustrate a few concepts: firstly, you Majestic Misfits are everywhere. Other. Is. Everywhere. I am thrilled. Icha is literally on the other side of this planet in Indonesia, and yet, we are able to connect over our admiration of an Unconventional Beauty named  Kristen Stewart, but also on the idea of pursuing bliss and embracing Otherness.

we get IT.

Secondly, Icha’s unbelievable kindness began to smooth over the sharp fragments that jutted between my husband and I, and he is finally understanding that it is no longer an option to separate me from Musings, and my pursuit of Bliss (as I define it). It’d be as if separating me from a limb.

An age-old idea that we’ve discussed several times in MOO. We do not need to exist in pieces, in fragments. I’ve made peace with the idea that I do not have to splinter myself to ease the discomfort of someone else. It is such a waste, and it makes me less than whole..less alive, less sensitive, less aware, less authentic. Ms Kristen appears to have arrived at a similar conclusion as of late. We’ve witnessed our Reinging Other Queen as she recognizes and introduces her authentic, whole self  as well. And it’s been absolutely captivating.

Kristen Emerging 

 As we transitioned into this beautiful month of October, we were still trying to catch our breath from the stunning Marcus Foster music video–featuring the desolately beautiful Ms Stewart–and we watched the video claim it’s title as the most viewed/downloaded video of MSN in 2011 (fist-bumps fellow OtherQueen supporters). We also caught glimpses  obsessively looped the official trailer for Breaking Dawn:—-> 

And oh my gawd, suddenly, what a sweet, sweet surprise!  There’s Ms Stewart in her California Girl Glory sitting barefoot and smiling on the cover of the U.S. Edition of Glamour.

Wrung out and panting by this point, I don’t think any of us saw what came next. Biz-ZAM.


 “I looked like a boy for a long time. Now I feel like a woman.” 

You guise. YOU. GUISE. I don’t know where you were when the British GQ pictures and subsequent glorious interview surfaced, but I know that my knees buckled and all coherence seeped out through my mouth, which was agape. Pre-GQ, we knew this much: Kristen has been living in London for the past few months as she works on what looks to be the incredible film Snow White and the Huntsman. We knew that due to her responsibilities to SWATH, she cannot be as visible a fixture in the upcoming  Breaking Dawn promo tour we’ve enjoyed in previous circulations. In short…We missss her. We don’t see her as often as we’d like.

However, now we know, with the help of her Glamour article and this brilliant, gorgeous Norman Jean Roy-photographed British GQ interview, that Kristen Jaymes Stewart is present. Aware, confident, grounded, and knowing. She is vital…alive…burn,burn,burning…and here. She is okay with that. And she lets us know she’s okay with that.

I loved this article, madly. I loved everything about it, not the least, the styling. While far from an original idea, Classic Hollywood Glam still is devastatingly beautiful on Kristen. And I love how feminine and vital Kristen is when styled this way. It’s fitting that she reports feeling more like “a woman” now. With her dark red lips and vintage lingerie and swimwear only the feminine divine presides. The interviewing journalist was Jonathan Heaf, senior contributing editor for GQ, and he opened the article in an intriguing, complimentary fashion, by highlighting  characteristics and behaviors that our Reigning Queen of Other did not display. No, instead Mr Heaf observed Kristen’s beauty and the steps she’d take to ensure privacy and anonymity (“her voice drops to a whisper as another customer clatters through…”)  He doesn’t fault her for her self-protective mannerisms.

 “Kristen has been watched. And Watched. And trailed. And stalked. And Hunted.”

Rebel Renaissance

So this awareness we’ve talked about today–Kristen has it in spades. This wasn’t always the case, she acknowledges. She understands that she didn’t always exhibit welcoming, accessible vibes, especially at the onset of the Twilight fixation in 2008. She reports that at age thirteen, already five years into her film career, she was “bitterly self-conscious”, and distractedly so. But it’s present-day, twenty-one-year-old Kristen who exudes a startling grounded energy, sans the bitterness.

Instead of concentrating on not botching up an interview answer, she is self deprecating and humble but also cognizant that she is fallible. While acutely aware of the gossip mongers, BullShit People, The Critics, The Haters,  the various warring camps of “Stens”(folks who adamantly support the idea that she and fellow Royal Rebel Robert Pattinson are in a romantic relationship or not), she replies “I don’t worry about it at all” And she repeats a mantra that has long been effective and essential to this warrior queen:

“I like to keep whatever is mine remaining that way.”

I am only going to gloss over the next part of the interview for the small handful of you who haven’t read it yet. During her photo shoot on the previous day, Kristen was overheard mentioning her wish to see more of the UK as, “My boyfriend is English”. Of course, when Mr Heaf broached the subject with her during their interview the following day, our fiercely protective Royal visibly tenses and says:

“I never would have said that if I knew you were  going to be interviewing me.”

This exchange is significant in that Kristen made the rare inference to her personal life, and instead of denying, diffusing or ignoring the inquiry, she concedes to Heaf’s verbalized observation of the mass quantities of evidence available on the world wide web that has captured Ms Stewart and British-born Pattinson together in countless photos or videos.  Citing the accessibility of her personal life via Google, Ms Stewart sighs,

“Come on, Guys, it’s so obvious.”

I can share with you what feels ‘obvious’ to me. We are watching a young woman who previously felt unprepared–and was criticized by the Bullshit People for ‘not playing The Game’–thrive, evolve and mature and settle. And I mean that in the sense of a cultivated confidence and acceptance, a tranquility that wasn’t there a couple years ago, maybe not even seven months ago. She didn’t react defensively when Jonathan Heaf alluded to her  perceived “notorious sulky-slacker vibe”.  She instead acknowledges that she was a particularly self-conscious kid trying to find a niche amongst her peers while also working a very unconventional job. Admittedly, while Kristen didn’t become defensive at the comment, I did.

It irks me endlessly that a person cannot possess discernment and be contemplative without having the “sulky, aloof, moody” label slapped across her forehead and reputation. I digress. See, this is why Kristen Stewart is an Ambassador for Other on the Homecoming Float. She acknowledges and assents to her many facets–warm, fuzzy and otherwise–and recognizes their essentialness in comprising who she is…as a woman..wholly.

A New Dawn

We’re all starting  new adventures together I think. Some of you have been apart of this community from the beginning, early 2008 or sooner. I joined not too much later–late summer 2008, circa Vanity Fair photo shoot time, before Twilight was released as a film. In just a couple weeks, we’ll be camping out in line for the the premiere and the midnight shows for Breaking Dawn.  Kristen will be wrapping up her SWATH filming near the end of November/early December, but not before taking a few days to promote and celebrate the premiere of the final Twilight installment: Breaking Dawn, Part 1. There are the TV interviews (Yay, she’ll be on Ellen for the first time!) And the handprint ceremony (Grauman’s Theater may shake in the thunderous screams for Kristen, Rob and Taylor as their famous appendages are immortalized–Fingers crossed that Kristen wears her Chucks!).

As mentioned earlier, Rob has been the tour master across Europe this week, and he’s done a mighty fine job of it. Like his partner Kristen, he also appears more grounded, settled and alive as of late. Certainly joyful and…less inhibited than we’ve seen.

Perhaps it’s because the seminal characters he and Kristen portray onscreen are a settled, assured unit finally. It has, after all, been four years since we met the star-crossed pair.

Or maybe Rob appears content and more centered because he feels content and centered. He and Kristen have trudged through theTwi maelstrom with linked arms. Both professionally and personally, they have crafted and maintained a tight-knit, highly respectful partnership that is joyful to behold.

And my silly arse will see that electric chemistry in-person!! Yep. I’m heading down to Los Angeles to attend the premiere at the Nokia Theater. I always believe that everything is worth trying at least once, so this year that philosophy is going to be applied practically on November 14. I haven’t attended a film festival  Q & A nor any of the Comic Cons yet, so I figured: we’re nearing the end of this journey, and it’s time. I’ll be in line for the wristbands for the viewing stands at 6AM on Thursday November 10. Will I see any of you lovelies there too? With carafes of coffee? And bagels?? If you’re there, let me know. Let’s chat Rebel Beauty in the morning.

The giddy newlyweds

Well, my beloveds, it’s super late here and I want to post this on a Thursday, like old times. I have 48 minutes left  to do that if I go by California time. I’ll have an hour more if I go by Hawaiian Time. Uh, so, Aloha and Mahalo. This isn’t a conclusion nor my usual Musings wrap up…just a brief rest. So we’ll pause here, to be continued next week. See you soon, Lovelies! xx, KJ

We Are Other.

Kristen Is Other.

Others are desirous of everything; mad to live.

Embrace Your Other.

*   *   *

Questions–Birthday Edition:  Thoughts on your own Rebel Renaissance (a renewal, a rebirth, new awareness) over the past year…?

Thoughts on our Other Queen’s GQ photo shoot and interview?

What is your Halloween costume?

Best Birthday you’ve had?

A/N: Birthday Shout-Outs to my October Birthday Girls down below. Be sure to wish them a happy day as well–you know these girls.  There are more things to chat about…always there is. We’ll get to them next time. GlamourUKStewGiveaways for GlamourUSA and BritishGQ…


Breaking Dawn Premiere Plans…

Rob’s candidness and rambling press conferences (seriously he provides unbelievable entertainment on the road).

*A new About KJ Sentence Completion has been added!! It’s the SPOOKY-BIRTHDAY Edition…

Oh…and in all this madness–

I got a new job. . .!! 

It’s Halloween a.k.a Embrace Your Other Day  

Pssst~Please don’t send gifts for my birthday, you sneaky, lovely ones. Instead I’ll request that you engage in Fair Philanthropy and learn about and consider donating to one of the organizations I support:

American Cancer Society 

American Red Cross 

Lupus Foundation of America 


Happy Birthday to My Lovelies:

Webby, Meow, Kristin75,

Nhess & DizzyLadybug

Playlist for this Essay

Acid Tongue ~ Jenny Lewis

We won’t Run ~ Sarah Blasko

Riot Rhythm ~ Sleigh Bells

The Sea ~ Morcheeba

Look Into The Air ~ Explosions in the Sky

What’s Behind The Door ~ Shady Bard

10 Responses to “We Are Mad To Live”

  1. takemetobliss (@takemetobliss) November 1, 2011 at 10:32 am #

    I love you. I love this post. I need to hear all about this new job. I am sure you are fantastic at it, whatever it is, and you are rocking your Other while doing so! xo

  2. true love October 31, 2011 at 6:47 am #

    Happy Birthday beautiful..
    hope you are having a blast..u know we love u and we are here for you always..congrats in everything u have achieved and God bless you.

    true love

  3. Joana October 30, 2011 at 1:55 pm #

    Finally got some time to read and comment properly…and THANK YOU!

    As much as it pains me to hear you had to fight for Musings, I’m so glad you did, and especially glad that the whole process led N to comprehend the magnitute of it’s importance and reach.

    SO much goodness this week, so I’m just going to go straight to the answering of questions.

    Thoughts on your own Rebel Renaissance over the past year…?

    The beginning of this year SUCKED for me. In January I found myself once more on the throws of anxiety and panic attacks. There were sleepless nights and doctor’s appointments and finally I had to do resort to the conclusion that I will have to deal with this for the rest of my life. And that was a MAJOR revelation for me. After that, I decided I can’t let that stop from doing things because I would never do anything! I joined Twitter (believe me or not there was major anxiety involved), looked for a new job, I travelled (like I went ON A PLANE, TO A DIFFERENT COUNTRY, WHOA I know…) and now I’m going to school again!

    I guess this was a revelative year for me. And writing this on my birthday makes so much sense to me!

    Thoughts on our Other Queen’s GQ photo shoot and interview?

    That interview is just amazing. The interviewer got it, and it showed. I like that she keeps reenforcing that she’s going to keep her private things to herself (and her loved ones) but at the same time she’s not as coy about saying things I don’t think she’d say a few years ago. She’s a woman, she’s arrived and I couldn’t be more proud.

    As for the shoot I think I’ve said this before, I like it, but I’m not IN LOVE with it, because seriously this girl cannot look bad if she wants to. Seems a little bit to over done for me, too much make up, too much hair product. I do love the one where she’s breathing underwater, seems so freeing. I do LOVE the Glamour shoot with it’s femininity, lightness and flowy hair.

    What is your Halloween costume?

    *blanking this one since we don’t really do Halloween over here*

    Best Birthday you’ve had?

    When I turned 17 my best friends and my Mom threw me a surprise birthday party. That was probably one of the best one’s just because I couldn’t get over how touched I was of the trouble they went through for me.

    This year was really good as well! Birthday dinner with friends, followed by drinks, followed by lunch with family, followed by a nap and some quiet time.

    And here you go. One more chapter for my novel ; )

    xoxo my friend! Can’t wait to share birthdays with you in 2 hours!

  4. hopesecho (@hopesecho) October 30, 2011 at 11:10 am #

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY! My daughter’s Birthday is also on Halloween, some very ignorant people in this world sometimes called her evil because she was born on this day… which is also called “all Saints Day”. It is a great Day for a Birthday party! My daughter lives too far away so I will not get to see her this year for her Birthday 😦
    Other trials this month… my son just left again today to pursue his dream as a Bull Rider. His goal is to have his PBR card by Jan. 2012. OH HOW I MISS HIM!!!!….and his poor dog aptly named “Rodeo” is in mourning too.
    Believe it or not he and some of his Bull Riding buddies also have read the Twilight Books, and have even snuck into the movie theater with me for The Sunday Matinee, for all the Twilight movies when most everyone was at church….. we would skip it for this special Sunday. Not so macho for a Bull Riders… lol! Anyway believe it or not they all liked the 1st “Twilight’ the best, as do I.
    This year after moving back to the state of FL I do not think he will be making that showing with me, so Rodeo and I are feeling a little sorry for ourselves, which I get so mad at myself for doing when I am so blessed.
    Thank You so much for your thoughts, the make me feel like I am not so alone in having not such a great few days.
    I do not post on blogs “hardly ever” but feel safe to post on here. Please “KNOW” You help bring the light back and remind me of the oh so many good things that are going on this world for me! Hopefully I will at least be able to watch my son on TV soon, along with all the great promo’s that will be shown this next month my TiVo is going to be full and then finally the movie.
    Have a BLAST at the premier! I would love to take a Twilight Cruise someday.

  5. Bella/theraingirl October 29, 2011 at 9:48 pm #

    I always enjoy your rebel ramblings 🙂 I’m so glad you were born! I hope your birthday is a fun and happy occasion!

    Question time:
    Thoughts on your own Rebel Renaissance (a renewal, a rebirth, new awareness) over the past year…?
    Hmmm… I don’t think I’ve had any so far. It’s been a very hard year for me with unemployment, relationship stress, money troubles, infertility, lots of life changes. I guess I’m just happy I’ve survived to October. I’m getting read to do NaNoWriMo, so I shall count my next novel as my Rebel Renaissance. I just hope to do it all justice.

    Thoughts on our Other Queen’s GQ photo shoot and interview?
    So beautiful. The UK pics were stunning and the interview had me smiling like a moron. I’m glad she’s becoming so self-aware and more comfortable in her own skin. I hate that she’s dogged and tracked like prey all the time, but I do so love to see her out-and-about. She deserves her freedom. She’s like a wild bird. When they’re caged, they wilt and molt. When they’re free and flying, they sing and soar. I so dearly hope she steals away for a bit in London with Rob and they just fall off the radar once BD stuff is tied up for the year. They both need a much needed hiding! If they don’t, I fear for them.

    What is your Halloween costume?
    I am sadly no longer a teacher so I don’t get to dress up. I tried to find a t-shirt to wear as we’re allowed to wear something “Halloweenish” as long as we remain professional 😦 I have yet to find a “Great Pumpkin” shirt. I miss teaching.

    Best Birthday you’ve had?
    My 25th birthday was incredible thanks to my then fiance’ now husband. I said I had always wanted a toga party, never got to do that in college. I went out with my girlfriends for dinner and drinks and hubbin went to play poker and we said we’d meet up later at the bar he was playing at. When I got there, I was met at my gf’s truck with a throne. Seriously, a four man throne, and I was carried into the bar with a blinking princess tiara of laurels. They feted me with petals and candy and lots of drinks. All the boys wore togas and my special cup was never empty. It was a hysterical lovely night. Penis cake, adult pinata filled with liquor bottles, and lots of dancing too!

    ENJOY YOUR DAY GORGEOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope you enjoy every second of your day 🙂 *MUAH*

  6. Emma October 29, 2011 at 8:58 am #

    Dearest KJ, I am sorry for the turbulation in your personal life. Praying for your strangh. Thanks for one more great post, and music of course. Love, Emma

  7. Brenda October 29, 2011 at 12:44 am #

    Great Post! I live 30 minutes away from LA and I’d love to go to the premiere as well, the next big thing would be to be able to meet you!

  8. Berry Brooke Payne October 28, 2011 at 6:41 am #

    Great Post!!! Kristen is fabulous!

  9. bananot October 28, 2011 at 2:45 am #

    you are loved, cherished, respected and loved again in Israel too! 🙂 beautiful, lovely, thoughtful, inspiring as always! ❤

  10. Xenia Nova October 28, 2011 at 12:12 am #

    What an amazing post! 🙂 Love KStew!


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