Dear Kristen

25 Apr
A/N: The images displayed in this essay are not mine–Thank Goddess for Tumblr and Imagebam.  No copyright infringement intended. Click the image for a link to its origins. Totally unbeta’d, so any mistakes and stumbles belong to MEEEEEE. Musical playlist, per usual, at the bottom. Click the “Sign Me Up!” button in the side panel to receive MOO updates in your Email…right. over. heeee-yah——>

Dear Kristen

Dear Kristen,

I can understand on a very personal level that pain and anguish can trigger spellbinding creativity. At the very least, conflict and confrontation sparks a need to respond–hell, it’s why I began writing this little blog in the first place, almost 2 years ago. Today is my four year wedding anniversary, eliciting a sappy, nostalgic mood. I recall that it was April 2008, four years ago,  that I  foraged into the Twilight Community for the first time. [See –>  Origins Of Musings Page  ] And it was two years ago in 2010 that I began formulating the beginnings of what would be Musings On Other Queens ..[See–> The First Ever Musings] Big deals happening all over the place, I’m telling you. *winking at Josie Belle Cullen and @CaraNoFic*

Hello, Cover Girl

Okay, so Kristen, it’s 2008, and suddenly you are omniscient. I simply could not remain silent about the unfounded, unfair and oft times vitriolic criticism  that also instantaneously emerged. Your name was uttered in households the world over…[I’m searching for the word….iconic?] and you were the most beguiling [divisive?] topic of discussion,  simply because you accepted a new job in your already impressive career. I could be wrong, but I don’t know that you ever, in your wildest imagination, anticipated the maelstrom that resulted from your decision to portray the role of a seventeen-year-old human girl who fell in love with a vegetarian vampire. I don’t know that you had foreseen [and who could have?] that your mere attendance at a desert music festival this weekend would lead  to new shrines and discussion boards…But for the record: You do look fantastic. And by that I mean: healthy, jubilant, inspired and amorous. Luminous. Congratulations on your face and that smile, btw. And P.S. way to rock the short-shorts, baby.

Sooo, as I was saying: I completely get that conflict and heartache certainly can be a catalyst for the creation of something big, phenomenal, even. However, this month, as your second year in your second decade of life commenced, I witnessed how positivity and love  took center stage and emerged into a Celebration. You, my friend, are the reason for countless gratitudes so many hold, and that I myself have procured over the years. During your birthday week, I sat back and stared in wonderment as people–thousands, probably hundreds of thousands, maybe millions? of people–stepped forward and found their voices to express their admiration for you, because you came into being. Because you exist.

I had never been more in love with this community than I was that week. You’ve probably seen these, but they’re worth a second or twenty-second glance… oh my, my the talent.

Team Kristen Site’s Birthday Project

@Fiorel90’s Birthday Video: 

@KSIBTU’s 22: Best Of Kristen

There Are Places I Remember 

A little over three weeks ago, I posted the first new Musings On Other Queens, KStew and Unconventional Beauty [yes, I full-named myself]  memo after two months of being…away. It was glorious and painstaking and tedious all at once. I had taken a hiatus, because heartbreak in my personal life was affecting my ability to create. I came back because you and your fearless pursuit to know and honor Marylou  of the seminal On The Road film project helped equip me with the lady balls to plow forward, onward. But it was brutal. I cannot lie, these past few months have been absolutely awful. 

These days, I swing wildly between elation and terror. You  have provided me this courage to follow through on my wild, maybe unreasonable, whimsy to pursue a smorgasbord of Bliss. Last week, I went to a formal job interview, the first in over a year, for a supervisor/trainer position at a counseling agency  which provides support and encouragement to teenagers in neglected and underserved communities. It’s an end-of-the-line intervention before said teens turn to gangs, drugs and prostitution in their desperation for obtaining the feeling of safety, belonging and home. 

this sunrise greeted me after a very dark night

I hadn’t walked into the interview with any expectations. I have a good thing going for me right now; I didn’t need  (nor want) to return to bureaucracy, and certainly not after my experience with my previous job, at Bastard Nation. But I went in for the interview anyway, and the directors provided hope and fresh perspective and I suddenly felt excitement for working with community agencies again. And they wanted me for my Other characteristics–my physical features, my youth, my unconventional perspectives. You are the catalyst who imbued the bravery I needed to even consider returning to the field, Kristen. You. 

Call it the Royal Rebel Effect

Additionally, I have taken some major steps towards developing and expanding my private practice into a consulting business which would incorporate group discussions, webinars and training on grief, empowerment and resilience, my areas of expertise. This means that I am putting my credibility [and my face!!] on the line and online to share what I know (whether inherently or due to years of training and nurturing) with an audience outside of my perfect, bubble-wrapped Musings world. Like…on YouTube and shit. Vulnerable much? I’ve got my own demons to fight, my girl, but the point is: I am owning it. I am pushing through what is to get to where I want to be. Just as you do on a daily basis. #OwnIT


For People and Things That Went Before…

The second gratitude I have as a result of your existence is the goodness you bring via your admirers and supporters. They’re the best, Kristen, I swear to you. I know I’m biased, but I’ve been around long enough to see exceptional people exhibiting [mirroring your own?]  extraordinary qualities. Four years ago, when I tip-toed unsuspectingly into the Twilight community via MTV interviews and E!Online lurkfests, I didn’t know. I didn’t fully understand the enormity and passion that you incited in people. I still am stunned by it today, honestly. But by chatting with people, watching YouTube fanvids, by meeting my CyberSisters and Readers face-to-face, I found the most incredible people I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. After writing the first Musings, I received poignant, empowering emails and letters from Readers around the world. People who sought an authentic connection and held pride in representing the deviants, the Awkward Ones, the unconventional, The Others. I’ve gained lifelong, best friends and sources for inspiration. We were/are all bound by the protectiveness and admiration we hold for you, and for Robert, and your unwavering mission of authenticity.

The Kids have Chosen. YOU win.

I talk to some of these amazing people every day. EVERY. DAY. I speak to my CyberSisters and Readers more than I do my family. I have never met a more vibrant, brilliant, compassionate group of people than I have in my association with this community, the Supportive Kristen Community. And oh my gawd they’re amazing. Not only in their support of YOU, but of ME, and in OTHERS everywhere…Because they remind me every day that Other is everywhere.

Love of Mad Ones, the ones who burnburnburn, via Sydney, AUS ~@Mel452

Finding the courage to take risks, to follow Bliss via Portugal ~ @dizzy_ladybug

expression through music and cultural pride via Indonesia ~ @Ichaluvcat

Reminders that authenticity is Other is Beautiful via Florida, USA ~ @that_bitch101

…In my life, I’ve Loved Them All

As do you, Ms Stewart. You model for us a congruent Otherness that is unparalleled. You have been a pristine Ambassador of Other for Musings. You have been both a candle  burning steadily and a mirror, reflecting the luminosity of Royal Rebels abound. You have worn the crown on your head, even through turbulent waters, gracefully and relentlessly. 

I had no inkling of an idea that I would stumble into the cavernous treasure trove of possibility, friendship, support, love, passion and courage when I joined the murmured discussion about a young woman named Kristen Stewart all those years ago. But today I can see that it was serendipitous that I did. This little Musings  Letter is merely my attempt at expressing sentiments that are nearly impossible to articulate–my utmost gratitude for the existence of you. Thank you. You have beatified my life profoundly, and probably obliviously. I bow down in awe, humility and respect to you, nonetheless. Happy Birthday, Kristen Jaymes Stewart.

Love and Light, KJ

She Reigns. #OtherQueen

 *      *      *

[QUESTION:] Where were you in April four years ago, three years ago, two years ago….?

[A/N:] Today  is N’s and my four-year wedding anniversary. It’s all love, which is good, because there felt to be an absence of genuine respect floating out there in our fandom…and in my 3D life too. So in essence, this letter is a celebratory reminder of Kristen, of this outrageously entertaining and beloved fandom, and of the people I’ve met, known and learned from these four years.
I didn’t update as soon as I had hoped, but I didn’t let two months slip by again. Seriously, thank you for your utmost patience and kindness as I work through The Stuff. I hope to be back with you even sooner, but not after I return from my little vacay. Leaving for Washington D.C., Raleigh, NC and possibly New York on Friday to see family and dear friends. And because I have needed a vacation desperately for a very long time. See you when I return. And to prepare for the epicness that will be #Cannes. My BODY. IS. READY.
 *  *  *  
*  *  * 
This Letter’s PLAYLIST 
::: Fires  by Shady Bard
                 ::: Hold On by Alabama Shakes
*  *  *
**Heading titles are lyrics from Lennon & McCartney’s/ The Beatles’ In My Life 

9 Responses to “Dear Kristen”

  1. Rain April 28, 2012 at 5:45 pm #

    Four years ago, I had just married my husband in February 2008 and had told my dearest friend that I would never read a book about sparkling vampires. Then the movie came out…
    A year later I was obsessed, in the fandom, and reading fanfiction as though it were running away that second. I also, found my love of this girl named Kristen through interviews. When I first saw the movie I was intrigued by her… her looks and her voice was so unique, but seeing her in interviews, hearing her speak about herself and others, and watching her interact with the others in the movies was beautiful and different. I truly fell in love with the Royal Rebel during New Moon and the videos of her protecting Taylor and how she would speak of him in interviews like a big sister should. Her care for him moved me, her care for Rob as well. She just cares and loves with her entire being.
    A year later, in April 2010 I had finished writing my first fanfiction. Peeperward and I had met you Miss KJ and your sweetness stole my heart. I’ve been an Other since. Although, I’m sure I was Other long ago, you gave me a name. Watching this fandom grow up has been an interesting sociology experiment. It has also been wonderful to see Stewie become her own person.
    A year ago today, I was beginning to write my first book, thanks to encouraging readers like yourself, KJ. I was so afraid, terrified to be honest. But it was the most amazing experience.
    Now I find myself in April of 2012, I have a book published, I have another on query, and writing two others. I’m still rather obsessed with Stewie even though I’ve pulled back from the fandom. Too much drama in my own world, I don’t need extra, but I don’t think I could outgrow Kristen. I just don’t think I will ever not want to be an Other. 🙂
    It’s such a weird thing to look back on the last four years. I’m glad you’ve been a part of the last two years ❤

  2. Goldeneye April 26, 2012 at 9:33 pm #

    BTW – 4 years ago I was beginning my connection with the Sista’s and neverlooked back or regretted a moment spent sharing. And all hearts become one when the light expands and embraces our dreams…

  3. Goldeneye April 26, 2012 at 9:30 pm #

    Hey K – what a wonderful post and I agree with the others that your words are trancendent. So thank you. And these memories lose their meaning, when I think of love as something new. Is anything ever really new? I guess when you live long enough you know!
    However, it’s so cool to see Kristen become something new with each day and project, while still retaining the essence of what we all connect with and admire in one so young. But then what defines “young”? I was never young, so they tell me.
    Hope your vaca is everyting you need it to be BB. Hope to see you when I return from my travels.

  4. LCMom April 26, 2012 at 10:22 am #

    We’re here whenever you can show up K! Mwah! Great letter!

  5. Belinda aka girlyinthenorth April 26, 2012 at 7:51 am #

    Loved this post….made my DAY reading this. Just what I needed, Thanks for your wonderful words xo

  6. Kasey April 26, 2012 at 5:34 am #

    Dear, dear Kj;
    Your way with words never ceases to amaze and blow me away! I truly believe we need more people in the world who believe that being different is ok and it kills me to see people, a lot of them young girls, go to such drastic measures to”fit in” or “be cool” or “be normal”. Well who’s to say what’s normal and what’s not? Thankyou for another fantastic post and thankyou for being you!
    Let’s see, 4 years ago I was finishing up my 2nd year of college and looking forward to my 21st birthday that would come in August; that’s it, pretty boring haha.
    Thankyou for such great words KJ
    You rock!!

  7. MissEE April 26, 2012 at 4:35 am #

    Doc, you ROCK. I am proud to call you my friend and cybersister. I can hardly believe that it’s already been 4 years since we all stumbled our way into this fandom, but I am sure glad that we did. And you have been an absolute inspiration with this blog. I hope that you and N enjoy your vacation…we are on vacation at the same time girlie, so let’s make the most of it. Hugs to you!

  8. Pai April 25, 2012 at 10:36 pm #

    Oh K, what wonderful entry, I have goosebumps and tears in my eyes. I am so honored to have stumbled with you in this fandom and to call you my friend. I know it has been rough, but hun I can feel that really good things are coming your way, I can see them already happening.
    As of where was I in April 4, 3 or 2 years ago I am going to go with April 2 years ago, on April 9, 2 years ago, I gave birth to my baby boy like you already know and probably remember me posting while waiting on an epidural and weathering my contractions.
    Happy Anniversary ❤

    • KJ April 26, 2012 at 12:01 am #

      My gorgeous hermana, of COURSE I remember welcoming your handsome little man into the world two years ago. We all knew he was destined for greatness a) because he’s YOUR offspring and b) his birthday is shared with our Reinging Queen. The honor has been mine, truly. Your friendship and support has been remarkable and essential. <33

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

wordpress visitors
%d bloggers like this: