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The Gathering

14 Jun
A/N:  Images displayed on this anniversary post are not mine–Thank The Goddess for Tumblr, Imagebam & Pinterest. No copyright infringement intended. Click the image to link directly to its origins. Musical inspirations listed at the bottom of post.  Words usually pre-read by a luminous team of Rebel Beauties, but not today. These garbled ramblings in all their flaws and glories are mine, all mine.

Four Years . . .

My loveliest, most Majestic of Misfits, it is nice to see you. More than nice, really, though I’m actually indescribably happy to be here, writing, connecting with you.  In efforts to gently reacquaint, I’ll just ease in for a moment or two, in small increments. It has been, after all, a year since we last chatted. And much, of course, splendidly, has surmised. The inception of this little gathering space we call MOO occurred  four. years. ago. 

UKElle2

I’ve been working on novellas, “shorts”, or “Muselets” as I’ve called them, for a week now. And today’s little post is simply a hello note, one bursting with gratitude, but a greeting nonetheless. It has been a long time since I’ve written in this forum, on WordPress, and I’m eager and timid and elated all at once. Thank you for bearing with me as I re-acclimate. I hadn’t known I was going to publish today, but here I am, and would you mind terribly if I shared a little story? 

Kristen Stewart, Self Assignment, May 2014

MOOing Pages

Writers I’ve admired, from Carolyn See of the Literary Life, Julia Cameron (The Artist’s Way) and now the great Diana Gabaldon, poet and sire of my all consuming love (Outlander) remind me: return to your roots, do not let the muscle atrophy, do not let yourself become stagnant. Write. Write. Write every single day. I have not been writing every single day, and I am suffering because of it. Carolyn See says 1500-2000 words a day. Julia Cameron encourages the writing of Morning Pages. Morning pages unlock, they clear the space.  The MP invite and do not judge and instead allow a forum to just be, bestowing freedom and space. That freedom is endless and boundless and I’m struggling with wanting to go back and correct typos and add grammar and punctuation and that is exactly the point of MPs–let go of the “shoulds” and tear down the barriers to creativity.  A recent addition in my life, a work consultant called Mr O’Donnell recommended I return to what nourishes me. Do I know what that is? he asked. Yes. I know what that is. *looks lovingly towards you* 

The words below are this morning’s Morning Pages, or MOOing Pages, I’ve referred to them, because they’re my lighthouse, beckoning me home. They led me to piecing this Muselet together today, when I had least expected. The sentences are unedited, missing serious punctuation, and obscenely affronting to all grammar manuals, but meh. MOOing pages do not judge.

writing again 2014

* * *

morning pages PDX version, saturday 10.30AM

song: Roses and Wine by Diego Garcia

Seated in a Portland coffee shop, trying to take stock of my previous 36 hrs, catching up finally on #TheRover goodies, seeing that #AmericanUltra wrapped… Since chatting with you all, I met one of my favorite authors (the spectacularly talented and inspiring Diana Gabaldon of #Outlander). Ms Gabaldon spoke of the writing process, kilts (paying winking respects to Sam Heughan’s authentic Scottish identity, bless), and character development and I swear I could float away on a cloud forever now that it seems I’ve found another muse for Otherness in the diminutive force of nature named Diana, Creator of Badass, Brilliant English Women (Claire Randall Fraser) and her gallant warrior King of Men (James Alexander Malcolm MacKenzie Fraser).

So, in driving home from the Diana Gabaldon event, starved, dehydrated and with a dead cell phone (none of this foreign to me, I am an original Twilight fangirl for God’s sake) I was pulled over by a cop hell-bent on lecturing me on the virtues of safe driving (what in GOD’S name had me driving so fast? Did I not see the STOP SIGN? Only one earbud allowed while driving, did you know this?) but in the end, Mr Policeman didn’t fine me; instead he generously granted me personalized directions to my ultimate destination of In-N-Out Burger at 130AM. Girl’s got priorities, you know.

Operating on 2.5 hours of sleep, I trudged to work (my new job as of two months ago is working with county mental health programs to ensure counseling is made available to low and no-income consumers), and took refuge in a hazel-nut flavored coffee brewed by the office’s Keurig coffeemaker.

I took a working lunch in which I pulled on my journalist’s hat (more closely resembling a knit beanie with unraveling edges), and ducked away into a small conference room in which I could gather my thoughts and prepare for an interview with a very eloquent, talented musician namedGarrett Williams, founder and lead singer/guitarist of #EvolutionBeat, a contemporary ska band. This would mark my second interview with a rock star in my side gig as contributor and music reviewer for LASF Magazine, an arts, culture and entertainment publication based in Los Angeles and San Francisco, my two home turfs, incidentally. For nearly one hour (save the ten minutes I fumbled with my session microphone, causing, to my utmost embarrassment, the call to drop), Mr Williams and I chatted the transmutation of ska music, Dolly Parton, Scottish bagpipes and broken bones while deciding that we are helpless to the lure of music and its healing properties.

I grabbed a northbound plane after work last night, and sat in aisle seat in the emergency exit row.  I had the fleeting thought that I would be a worthless hero to anyone, should we need to exit the giant vessel via side panels. I had no jacket, thin, ballet flats for shoes, and my dinner had consisted of corn chips, whose salt crumbs still clung to my lips. I’m pretty sure I saw the flight attendant’s eyes flit over them while she explained the emergency evacuation protocol to my aisle mates. She may have then switched her attention to the strapping men who stationed themselves in front of the actual 30-pound removable doors and could actually be of assistance in the event of a water landing. However, I am a pretty braw swimmer, so I may be redeemable after all. 

* * *

So…. That is how I found myself in Portland, Oregon, hanging out in a stuffed arm chair by a fireplace, even though it’s the summertime. One wouldn’t know  it was mid-June if basing this observation on the constantly overcast, cool and damp Portland weather, but let me tell you, fireplaces are kinda wonderful.  Especially as I settle in to connect with you all and tell you what I hope to do, to tell you about MOO in its latest, most honest incarnation. 

Four of Words

I’ve been blessed with having this space, and you wonderful readers to share with for four years. In the next few days (weeks?), I’ll post a series of new short essays paying homage to elements that have emerged as a result of Musings On Other Queens’ creation. For instance: The celebration of WORDS…. Four years of rejoicing in interview quotes from Kristen Stewart and fellow Other Ambassadors.

“Someone saw an old movie I was in, The Safety of Objects, and realized that the little boy in it had grown up into this girl — me.”  ~ Kristen Stewart 

%22BeHealthy%22 tumblr_moo2galcEn1rom6zso1_500

Four years of sharing, exchanging,  and falling in love with new stories that bind us in a shared admiration for coherency and eloquence and the written word, and the emotions and images associated with those words.

7f3aa8ae11cc9e7472f23edee5434d3d

Four of Redefining

We’ll also explore a new entry for the Other Anthology: Transparency.  I’ll tell you about my LA-SF road trip in which I gallivanted around my home cities with dear friends @robkris13 @mel452 and then viewed the Sundance presentation of  Kristen’s film CAMP X-RAY. Some of my lovely girls of the Bay Area joined me for Q & A session with Camp X-Ray’s director Peter Sattler post showing  in which praise and accolades for Kristen were reverent and abundant. Transparency indeed.

PvtColeXRay

Four of Red

A third Muselet queued up to post this week will speak to the color RED, as we’ve seen over four years, indicators of our Rebel Roots and bold declarations of UN-convention. Starting with the very FIRST Kristen Stewart picture posted on Musings On Other Queens June 3, 2010. 

Kristen Elle 2010

FIRST RED 2010

and..

CannesBeautyRed  2014

CANNES BEAUTY RED 2014

Do you see where I’m going with this, my Other Warriors?  Still with me? Ok. So I’ll be seeing you around the hood.

Always, KJ ❤

P.S. Thanks for hanging with me these four glorious years

P.P.S. And thanks for having me back. Rambling and law-breaking and all. #OtherOn

Embrace Your Other.

 * * *

Fourth Anniversary Playlist
Wildest Moments ~ Jessie Ware
I Wanna Get Better ~ Bleachers
Only Love ~ Ben Howard
 This Much I Know ~ Speak
Gotta Have You ~ The Weepies
Meant ~ Elizaverta
My Song 5 ~ HAIM

A Stew Review, and Stew Anew Pt I

5 Jan
A/N: The images displayed in this essay are not mine–Thank Goddess for Tumblr, Pinterest and google images. Click the image for a link to pics’ origins. Per usual, this is so very unbeta’d–all mistakes and typos belong to this writer. Musical playlist is at the bottom. Click the “Sign Me Up!” button in the side panel to receive MOO notifications in your Email…riiiiight over heeeerrrre——->

“Whatever you do or dream you can do – begin it. Boldness has genius and power and magic in it.”
~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe 

Well, well, well. First and foremost, please let me wish you all a very happy New Year, my Misfit Rebels…you Regal Beauties of an Other Army!! 

I am a firm believer that in order to begin anew, we must pay homage to the roots we plant and to any steps forward [and backward and sideways and diagonal] we have taken to get to his point. Welcome to The MOO Stew Review.  After several false starts and two bouts of the flu, I am pleased to finally be back here, Musing along with you all into 2012. I apologize for not posting sooner this week, or before New Year’s Day as I had hoped, but my work schedule took an interesting turn.

In addition to the holidays and illnesses, I found myself designated the lone on-call psychotherapist liaison between Red Cross and my whole city as well as a turn at serving jury duty this week. Ah, 2012 took off at a sprint from the starting gate, and I’m literally just holding on for dear life. When I came back to my MOO outline for The Stew Review (several weeks in the making), I realized I simply had TOO. MUCH. TO. COVER. You all would have been sitting here for daaaaaayyyyys trying to read through my Breaking Dawn-sized ramblings. And I couldn’t do that to you. Not when you’ve been so understanding and gracious with me all this time.

i luff you for your patience

So, I’ve decided to re-imagine my year-end  and January posts via MooDrabbles again, like I had for November. New Year’s resolutions and all: succinctness and presence. Besides, it seems that you all dug the MooDrabbles, and it certainly helped me feel connected and immersed with you as we watched Our Reigning Other Queen own the Breaking Dawn promotional tour, just as she had dominated the better part of 2011.

*holds out hand to you* Shall we? We’ll continue where we left off in last week’s Muselet…where you amazing, amazing readers tweeted, emailed and pinged me with your thoughts on the most memorable Other Queen Moments of the year. Before I list the top three Moments of Otherness you all elected, I must pay homage to highly-applauded happenings  that enhanced our lead Majestic Misfit’s Otherworldly Beauty.  Honorable Mentions are up to bat…

The Other Queen’s Court

I don’t think we understood how profoundly successful a year Ms Kristen Stewart enjoyed until we attempted to single out our favorite moments, right? I noticed the first suggestions sent to me focused on the most current happenings, which is understandable, since our head Royal Rebel’s public appearances, magazine covers and copious interviews correlated with the Breaking Dawn release and the completion of Snow White and the Huntsman filming. But I found myself clapping and rejoicing when you beauties reminded me of the greatness that was the first half of the year.

The People Choose Gold

holy crow, Bella! You're GLOWING!

January 6, 2011, our Reigning Other Queen rang in the new year luminously. When the camera panned onto Kristen during the People’s Choice Awards, I literally gasped out loud.  It was insufferable to sit through that “awards” show..except for the shining moments that Kristen and her boys Robert and Taylor provided. And Twitter then broke. It was the first time we’d laid eyes on our girl since she went typically Ninja a few weeks earlier to spend the holidays in the UK with Rob. But when Ms Stewart stepped up to the stage in that golden-sequined Reem Acra dress and 19-inch Jimmy Choo peep-toe heels to accept the Favorite Movie Actress Award–well, it was nearly a religious experience. It’s no wonder Rob couldn’t stop staring. #ProudHobeau *winks at @drowninit 

It wasn’t just the sequined, miniscule uh, mini hemline displaying her ridiculous apendages, nor the flawless makeup and tousled, perfect hair that elevated the PCA moment from a low murmur to a Rebel Yell…it was one of the first glimpses at the grounded, more confident Kristen Stewart. With what would later become more the rule than the exception, our Ambassador of Other exhibited a new kind poise and grace but an accessibility too, all while strutting up stairs, and on slick stages in towering stilettos and blinding spotlights (and Queen Latifah monologues). If this golden, glowing Goddess was any indication of how 2011 was going to be…we were done before we even got started…hello first week of January. We’re done.

Lady In Untamed Red

For  a self-professed lover of the low-pro, Girlfriend sure knows how to unleash the beast and take serious fashion risks. At the annual Metropolitan Museum of Art’s (MET) Costume Institute Benefit Gala in May, Ms Stewart defined “Savage Beauty” in a very “Other-like” and purposeful statement. Wearing a floor-length Proenza Schouler gown and heels, Kristen walked the red carpet amongst the fashion world’s and Hollywood royalty … and she held her own.

The zig-zagging pattern atop the heavier, thicker, draping material signaled a departure from Ms Stewart’s usual, short and flirty repertoire, but the famous and elegant New York gala honoring the late Alexander McQueen may have been the perfect forum for the unveiling of a riskier, bolder Kristen. I for one applauded her efforts. Nowhere here do I see Bella Swan. Nowhere here do I see an uncertain wallflower. I see a young woman who owns the starkly jagged lines and unexpected, sensual, and  backless creation that dares you to look away…especially when the woman wearing such bawdy exclamations, leaves you behind.

Her Beauty Is Power

We knew. We knew when we saw Kristen wearing spandex exercise capris outside a fitness and yoga studio. We nodded in awe and confirmation when pictures of Kristen riding horses at a valley stable began to surface. We knew that our Badass Royal Beauty was preparing for her titular role in Snow White and The Huntsman (SWATH is such a rad Acronym, isn’t it??), but I don’t think we understood the profundity of it.

 When the filmakers of SWATH held a panel at Comic-Con, they dropped tantalizing claims of wanting to film something akin to “Lord of the Rings”. And then they shared the first official screen shots of the obscenely beautiful cast in costume for their promo pictures. It is then that many of us found ourselves struck dumb… and thirsty. Because we understood a leetle better now; that this film was a whole. new. level. And we wanted MOAR. 

It was in September, 2011 when I found myself completely losing. my. shite. On-set pictures began to hit the internet, displaying some action shots of filming from a secluded beach in Wales. As my eyes became saucer-sized, and my email box started screaming at me in ALL CAPS, I began humming Florence + The Machine’s The Dog Days Are Over because I could hear the horses coming, and I knew that we were on totally new territory. A Warrior Queen, trained in the Art of War,  led the charge.

And as more images peppered our already stunned brains and eyes, and the goosebumps rose on my arms, it became obvious that Kristen was apart of something extraordinary. 

I thought I had finished camping out for movies and premieres after my Breaking Dawn or Bust adventure. But, uh, no. I have no qualms about camping out,  flying to LA or New York [London?] to greet the premiere of SWATH. I’ve already mentioned this idea to @robkris13, @Just2CUSmile and Bouffant. **Witness KJ overturning pillows and crawling beneath the bed, rumamging for change to throw in a piggy bank for the SWATH adventure.**

Kristen has repeatedly, passionately described her filming experience on SWATH as “fulfilling” and her ideal role. Though she promoted Breaking Dawn at the end of the year, it became apparent that Kristen’s heart and soul were fully encapsulated  by her work with Snow White. She referenced her joy with the project, even while it was still in an infancy stage. She took a break in November from filming SWATH to promote BD, and she couldn’t contain her elation and admiration for her character, and her colleagues… her adoring declarations for all things SWATH collude perfectly with more Honorable Mentions of The Best Other Moments:

“It works, Girls!” ~on Jay Leno, re: throwing punches, as Snow White does

“It’s not a little girl sitting by a well with little tweety birds telling her what to do and where to go.” ~at Comic-Con, SWATH panel

“On Snow White, I am having the most fulfilling experience as an actor.” ~to Entertainment Weekly 

A Goddess Grounded

“An Authentic Life is the most important personal form of worship”

~Sarah Ban Breathnach

Lastly in this Not-So-Drabbleish-MooDrabble, I wanted to celebrate an Other’s insistence on comfort and authenticity. Moreover, an Other can be spotted when s/he is him or herself, even in the midst of folks who are acting or exhibiting behaviors in the opposite manner. An Other marches to his own drummer, regardless of the dominant beat. An Other wears Chucks when everyone else wears Designer…

Others slip out of 5-inch stilettos into Classic Skateboarder Vans to be immortalized in Hollywood History…

Others throw on Nikes with gorgeous Roberto Cavalli gowns at the UK Premiere of her massively successful franchise.  . .

Because, really, Others don’t give a shit. Others keep their [bare] feet…on the ground, even when everything around them threatens to usurp and uproot.

 A girl after this island-girl’s heart–choosing to go barefoot and pain-free in lieu of sexy heels that pinch and confine.

Sooooo, we’re wrapping up this first post featuring the Honorable Mentions in our Stew Review and Anew series… We’re just getting started, my Lovelies, and I thank you for your patience and kind understanding as I try to inject some structure into my B-A-N-A-N-A-S 3D life. But I have a feeling that we’re going to bear witness to our Reigning Other Queen’s best year yet, don’t you? I simply cannot wait to go on this ride with you.

In the meantime, I’ll see you all soon, with Part 2 of The Stew Review..and Anew…

Jeebus like rhyming much? Yes. Yes I do. Just as I am captivated and compelled by alliteration. See what I did there?

Anyway, get ready for the Top 3 Moments of Otherness. Catch you laters, Homies. And Happy New Year. xoxo, KJ

We Are Other.

Kristen Is Other.

Others understand that reviewing is integral in renewing.

Embrace Your Other.

*   *   *

QUESTIONS: What do you think of the honorable mentions of the Stew Review? How are you? Talk to me. Tell me how your new year is shaping up so far…

A/N: Thank you. A special thank you to one of my Possum Besties @Ophelia_2010, who gave me the perfect pep talk today. Exactly when I needed it. And to @MyCleverAlias and @DeeDreamer16 who reminded me that we can just be “whelmed”.

Music PlayList for the The Stew Review

*Every single song on this list was prevalent over the course of the year in writing MOO. Stories abound. We’ll have to have a beer or three one night and hash it out.

Le Mar (The Ocean) ~ Beautiful Girls

Let Me Sign ~ Robert Pattinson

Such Great Heights ~ Iron and Wine

You Are What You Love ~ Jenny Lewis

Breakdown ~ Jack Johnson

After the Stom ~ Mumford and Sons

Illuminated ~ Hurts

The Fear You Won’t Fall ~ Joshua Radin

Hestia and Hearth; Stew and You

1 Dec
A/N: The images displayed in this essay are not mine–Thank Goddess for Tumblr, Pinterest and KStewartFan.org. Click the image for a link to pictures’ origins. So very unbeta’d–all mistakes and typos are mine, all mine. Musical playlist and GIVEAWAY NOTES at the bottom. Click the “Sign Me Up!” button in the side panel to receive MOO notifications in your Email…riiiiiight over heeeeeerrrre——->

“Architecture is always the spatial expression of a spiritual decision”

~Ludwig Miche van der Roche 

*waves shyly* Hello, you extraordinary, and profoundly regal rebels! I do hope this new, long-overdue Musings finds you and yours healthy and well. Happy December! I’m sorry I’ve been away for as long as I have, it was never my intention. I was floating amongst tents and wristbands and numerous Breaking Dawn viewings. Then Thanksgiving rolled into town along with my mother, and between my jobs, the holiday season kick-off and family illnesses, I haven’t been able to muse along with you, my favorite people, about one of my favorite people: Kristen Stewart in tooooo long. So, first and foremost, I must tell you:

I MISS YOU! 

When I last posted a full-fledged Musings, it was a day or two before my birthday and I had just started my new job. Suddenly any time I had to myself and to connect with you all became severely limited. I hadn’t even gotten the chance to properly thank you for the unbelievable birthday wishes, messages, blogs (lovingly side-eyes @Mel452 and @Nhess_V), cards, gifts and tweets you sent my way. You all are miraculous.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. 

Nothing could be more truthful for me these days than the realization that the further and longer I’m away from something (someone, someplace, some ritual, some Musings) the more valuable it infinitely becomes. You may be wondering why the opening picture for this MOO  is of a fireplace. More specifically, a hearth. Well, with all the traveling, bustling about you and I have been doing this month, and all the promoting and touring that our Reigning Other Queen Kristen and her royal consort Robert have been involved in, I wanted to reconnect with a concept that I have severely neglected and severely missed: Home. 

Goddess of Hearth and Home

My husband N and I live in a small studio apartment in a beautiful, textured, culturally rich city with which I am absolutely in love. I have an inordinate amount of adoration for our home. However, since I was laid off and left BastardNation two years ago, we forewent the luxuries that came with having a well-paying (though soul-draining, heartbreaking) job. Luxuries like: several bedrooms, a dishwasher, or enough square footage for a couch. When we come home from work, the room we step into through our front door is the kitchen/office/coat area. It is  there that we remove our jackets and hats and shoes. If we set our items down outside the designated kitchen/office/coat area, we have now moved into cluttering up the living room/library/dining area. You get what I’m saying. Our space is tiny. It is vulnerable to piles and stacks and clutter. But it is home. And when I’m away from it, I miss it. Writing Musings and connecting with you all? That also is “home” for me. I miss it. Miss you.

appealing clutter. our house will become this in 0.3 seconds.

Since N and I both are gone for almost twelve hours each day, we are outside our little sanctuary far more than we are in. And when I was gone for seven days in November to attend the glorious Breaking Dawn premiere, sleeping in a different bed and location nearly every night, I found myself summoning strength from Hestia, the Greek Goddess of hearth, architecture, community and domesticity.

Ahhh Hestia [she is called Vesta in Roman Mythology]. She, who presides over home, Thanksgiving, fire and cooking. Does Lady Hestia remind you of anyone else, perhaps? A Goddess in her own right, and certainly someone of queenly status?

more at “home” than we’ve witnessed before

Our Rebel Queen has been absolutely remarkable this month. As she approaches the wrap up on a grueling, physical film shoot [Snow White and the Huntsman], she still found it within her capacity to leave her apartment [and current work] in London to tirelessly promote Breaking Dawn in Los Angeles for a week. A couple of observations from this time:

1.)  Kristen loves her home. Meaning, literally, where she physically resideswhich has been London for the past four months. Whenever she was interviewed on this promo blitz, not that I’ve seen even a tenth of the four billion interviews she’s given, Kristen  happily referenced and paid homage to the culture, the people, and the food of her current UK residence.

Footnote: Know who else is English? Just sayin.

She also will gleefully and pridefully speak about her current project–Snow White and the Huntsman. #SWATH

Question: What would be another dream role for you?

Kristen: [pauses. smiling shyly] “Snow White.”

2.) Kristen’s embodiment of home [and Hestia] is not solely on a tangible level. She is utterly grounded and centered around wherever [or whomever] she has created as her hearth. It is her construct–her architecture. She has chosen to surround herself by people, places and energy that provides comfort. Look at the word “hearth”. It is not a coincidence that within that word is an entirely new word,”heart”. The hearth, like the heart, is the essential, integral center of a home, a functioning cell. All basic necessities derive from this “place of warmth, fire and heat”. To sustain life, one must be protected and warm, and have food for sustenance, both gifts bestowed from the hearth. And my Goddess, does she ever exude life and warmth and a settled-ness. 

“Right now on Snow White, I’m having the most fulfilling experience as an actor.”

~Kristen to Entertainment Weekly

I don’t know that our head Majestic Misfit has ever appeared as joyful, animated or exuberant as she has these past few weeks. Her innate confidence and buoyancy seems determined to burst through the reserves placed there previously (perhaps out of protection and shyness).  It’s glorious to behold.

Captivating CoCo

We alluded to Ms. Stewart’s visit to Conan O’Brien’s show earlier, and it served as a reminder to share with you all how it was to see Kristen on the show, first-hand, live. I would be remiss if I didn’t stop and thank you all for your sweet tolerance of me, my blurry iPhone pics and stuttering, sporadic tweets on the days preceding and on November 14, 2011. As you know from reading my MOODrabble a few weeks ago,  I was down in my old hood for a week with the goal of getting to the Breaking Dawn premiere and perhaps maybe, maybe saying hello to our Royal Rebels in person.

I flew into LAX Wednesday evening, and my beloved girl Iris (@Just2CUSmile) was so kind to pick me up and whisk me through L.A. traffic and take me to my hotel, which was across the street from L.A.Live and the Nokia Theater [and #TentCity].

Also, due to careful planning and just-plain-smarts, my dear sister @robkris13, photographer extraordinaire and full-fledged Black Carpet press-pass holder, was waiting at the hotel for me as well. After a much-needed catch-up dinner with Iris, and a game planning session with @robkris13, I fell into bed, trembling with excitement. After only about 4 hours of sleep, I trudged downstairs at 4AM to scope out the spot in line for my wristband…alongside hundreds of other enthusiasts.

my feet as I sat on the curb waiting for the wristband line to start. 4:40AM

There were a few rough moments, not gonna lie, in what would become my ten-hour camping-adventure. The last remaining glimmer of faith I had in Scummit Entertainment dwindled to nil and then was lit on fire; and there were a couple instances where fellow “fans” threw me under the bus without a backwards glance (don’t worry New Zealand girls, I won’t generalize your beautiful country based on your petty actions). But overall, I had the most incredible experience. The only way it could have been better is if Kristen and Rob had fist bumped me and said, “Hey, KJ, glad you could make it here after all. Other on, gurl!”

Armed with good joo-joo cast upon me by @robkris13 who somehow always snags the best breaks at Twilight events (she’s the girl who gets moved to the front row of Hall H when her neighbors cause a scuffle with security at Comic-Con); plus my anchors reminding me to Go Forth:

And my @jhiggs86 Originals:

I procured a few bracelets and a movie pass to see the world premiere of Breaking Dawn with the cast, crew and thousands of others.

So I got the bleacher seats that I wanted, across from the arrivals section of the carpet. Perfect vantage point with room to sit and see above the crowd–I’m only 5’2 and a quarter, it doesn’t make sense for me to be 3-people deep behind a barrier on the Black Carpet. I wouldn’t see jack. It’s why I was always intent on grabbing the bracelet for the Bleacher Seats, not TentCity. And in the end, I got the seat I wanted, but I gave up its front-row status because @Just2CUSmile, Iris–whom I call “IA“– had basically extended an offer to me that I couldn’t refuse.

It was a super-sekrit taping, see. No one knew Kristen was at Conan’s studio in Burbank, just hours before she was to arrive on the Black Carpet for the world premiere of the film. So my friend Iris is a resourceful girl, and when she learned she had access to two VIP tickets for Conan’s taping, she hesitated before asking me if I’d like to accompany her. She knew I’d be cutting it reeeeaaaalllly close by leaving the Breaking Dawn premiere site at Nokia Live to go with her to Burbank to see Kristen. But I couldn’t not go. You know?  I am so, so glad I did. Because I got to see Kristen and her Hottie Guard JB up close, in-person, all calm, lovely and flirty with Conan and his facial hair. I saw with my own eyes Kristen’s unbelievable legs in the StewyStandard 18-inch heels, pre-tennis shoe change-out. For about ten minutes, I was in the same vicinity as Other Royalty.

Our gamble for Team CoCo seats didn’t move without moments of uncertainty, though. IA and I weren’t panicked when Coco’s crew did not announce Ms Stewart’s name as apart of the line up. We understood that Kristen wasn’t actually scheduled to be on the show til Thursday, November 17. But we also knew that Kristen and the Breaking Dawn cast was just on the other side of the filming lot, taping their appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show just an hour or so earlier. The premiere was set to “begin” around 5PM, and Coco was taping at 3PM. That was enough time for Kristen to make it, right?

Poor IA didn’t show it, but later she told me she was inwardly freaking out when we sat through an entire hour of taping, which included the very, uh, cool LL CoolJ’s interview and we had not heard even a whisper of confirmation that our Reigning Other Queen was in the building.

. . .Until IA whisper-shouted: “There’s HBG! HBG!”

I whipped around in my seat, nearly falling out of it, to see a tall, tall, handsome man lurking over by the band ‘s stage. Well, if Kristen’s dashing bodyguard JB is here, then Kristen’s here. Basta. I bounced in my seat, clasped IA’s hands in my own sweaty ones and tried to calm my shite down. We were front and center, maybe three rows back, directly behind the center-stage cameras and cue-card holders. I was going to have a prime view of our Reigning Rebel Queen, y’all. Twice. Here with the fantastic Conan O’Brien, and again from my bleacher seat at the Breaking Dawn premiere. It was a gonna be a good night.

Ahhhh, the magic of television. Conan and Andy changed their ties and Coco himself laughingly told the audience, “PRETEND that it’s THURSDAY, ok? Because our next guest is a surprise, and we’re taping her segment for Thursday’s show. So don’t you all go screaming out loud, ‘It’s MONDAY!’  because it’s not. It’s Thursday.”

When Conan announced who the guest was, our surrounding fellow studio audience memberswho were there to see LL Cool Jgasped aloud and started murmuring. Not exactly Twilight fans, this audience. Not that IA nor I cared, because we were too busy jumping out of our chairs to our feet in a screaming, rousing standing ovation, because we were there to see Kristen Stewart, MoFos!! A handful of others stood up to welcome the Reigning Queen Oher, but I’d like to think in my own little fantasy bubble-world that Iris and I were the loudest and most enthusiastic Stew Supporters in the hizzouse.

So you’ve seen the show, yes? If not, the full video–including what Conan loves about Kristen–can be found on @TeamCoco’s site via THIS LINK—->kristen-stewart-privacy

I know many of you have seen Kristen up close, spoken with her, taken a picture with her, received her autograph. I had not up until this point. I can now confirm that it is no exaggeration when people have said she is simply stunning in person. She is absolutely gorgeous, you guise, seriously. Her skin is pristine, her legs are insane, her smile has the wattage of stadium floodlights. And she is so very humble. And good. It radiates from her in shimmering waves. She is kind and shy but also very calm and thoughtful. Oh and she’s funnnnny! 

See how flustered she makes CoCo? yeah. we get that.

She has a succinct charisma about her; she is compelling. I actually didn’t hear too much of what she said, I was too captivated. It wasn’t until I watched the interview days later that I realized I had only heard maybe 60% of it while in the same room with her. It was a short interview, but a lively, bubbling one, with Conan turning almost feral when Kristen complimented him on his beard. I don’t think Kristen truly understands the love and passion she inspires in her admirers. Maybe a flustered, hissing Conan O’Brien could enhance her awareness of her power?

But again, what I witnessed in this brief glimpse was two-fold. Ms Kristen Stewart is especially fond of and acclimated to British living. And she exudes a deeper, more assured knowing of self as well. She is grounded and contemplative, but also light and witty. She seems to have connected quite profoundly with The Goddess Hestia in the knowledge that she has constructed a home; and is at home–within.

What The Dawn Brings

Still riding high from my Close Encounters with the Beautiful Kind, I was shooting off messages and tweets to my Cyber Sisters, @RobKris13, and  you Twittah-peeps as IA raced from the Burbank studio back to Nokia Theater in LA. I didn’t know what the flip I was going to say to security in order to get to the bleacher seat that I most likely sacrificed in order to see Kristen on CoCo. All I know is that I was grasping JHiggs’ beautiful paintings in my hands and IA all but launched me out of the passenger seat of her car byway of an eject button. I was gasping out frenzied screams thanking IA for her amazing James Bond-esque driving, but she probably didn’t hear me because I was booking it down the street towards …the roar. 

the TentCity peeps are looking good, even after 4 nights of camping

You may have already lost your eyesight over  seen my blurry iPhone pics. Don’t ask me why I didn’t bring my actual digital camera for the occasion. I do not know what to tell you except I was contemplating the virtues of emergency camping gear and rain gear first in case I had to literally camp out…Anyhoo. Because I knew that Kristen had just left Conan’s studio in Burbank, I didn’t feel panicked that I’d miss her or Taylor’s or Rob’s arrival.  Thanks to IA’s mad skillz, I arrived at the perfect time.

i believe this is Melissa Rosenberg’s limo

None of the main cast had arrived yet, and the bleachers were not filled, not really. I did lose my front row spot, but I was at an elevated angle directly across from drop-off area. I can’t remember what exactly I told the three security guards that tried to stop me from climbing into the bleachers past the barricades, but I know I smiled, and showed them my hard-fought-for wristband and explained that I was separated from my party, yadda yadda. They let me through and suddenly I was within dizzying proximity of The Pretty. I knew that my girl @robkris13 was literally on the Black Carpet, in the press pit, snapping away like the talented professional photog that she is, probably having a spiritual experience. She had the best seat in the house, but mine, in my opinion, was a very close second.

hi, Peter!

I had room to sit. I was elevated and could survey the whole plaza and street. My fellow bleacher-cohorts (with the exception of one obnoxiously dramatic woman) were respectful and giddy and energized and we all shared the space contentedly. We exchanged fist bumps, high-fives, giggles and eye-rolling sighs of exasperation when the situation called for such (i.e. aforementioned obnoxious, dramatic woman). And we enjoyed the first moments of interaction and attention when the arriving actors, writers, musicians and models would step out of their vehicles.

The roar only swelled from this point on…I had to conserve my phone battery, since my dumb arse didn’t bring a car charger with me. I didn’t take as many pictures as I would have liked…But thank your lucky stars I practiced restraint, because you would have been subjected to enough blurry pictures to launch a migraine. I’ll show you a couple more, then switch over to the professional pics, ok? Would you like to take a gander at @robkris13‘s amazing shots? Here ya gooooo—-> robkris13Photography

Ashley

Robert

Her Royal Otherness Kristen

Other Queens wear Nikes and Couture gowns

And when Rob, Kristen, and Taylor arrived…they didn’t head to the Black Carpet. They immediately ran behind their SUVs and went straight to the bleachers. Bodyguards in tow, Nikes in place. Both Kristen and Rob got close enough to me, that if I really, really wanted to–though at the risk of causing a brawl–I could send my signs over head for autographs. But I opted against it (this time) and chose to hover back and hold my signs up for them to read if they looked up from their tasks at hand. I was pretty content when both Kristen and Robert lifted their gazes and saw me waving my signs. Pretty content, because I had yet another moment of sharing the physical space with such generous, inspiring, and regal spirits.

And to later see pictures that further confirmed the special bond and fierce protectiveness they have with one another and their relationship…

It’s been over two weeks now since this wonderful event occurred. I’ve seen the film three times (I know, I know, that’s a low number comparatively, right?) I am drastically behind in watching interviews and gawking over such profound moments of beauty, but I don’t mind. Thank you all for bearing with me as I am super late to the party in discussing the sheer magnitude of epicness the Breaking Dawn premiere [and release] bestowed.

I absolutely adored the dress Kristen wore to the World Premiere in Los Angeles. I am gaga over the fact that she wore her Nikes first so that she could move comfortably and swiftly alongside the barriers and bleachers to accommodate as many fans as possible. Her makeup was immaculate and her hair, in the messy, braided bun…well that’s what dreams are made of.

And should we talk about that waist-high skirt-slit????

The color coordination among the Twi Trio just kills me. That is simply too much Pretty for the system. And their friendship and playfulness and support of each other is only made of WIN.

But at the end of the day, after hours of waiting in line, sitting on a sidewalk, lolling around sleep deprived and achey, it’s the wild, assured certainty that Kristen emanates…and the way she and her Rebellious Partner in Crime Robert look at each other that marks this as Game Over for me. Because this is how Hestia and Home and hearth manifests with our Reinging Royal Rebels. In being sure-[Nike] footed, and proud of the work they are producing. In being fulfilled by self acceptance and protection…and acceptance and protection of each other.

Home manifests when operating as a fluid system, in feeling pride in decisions made for oneself and one’s family. Home and hearth is expressed in the knowledge that no matter where we physically are or how long we are away, we have a steadfast, earnest, inner compass as a guide for our return.

you are my home.

Gratitude for Stew and You 

…which leads me to the concluding thoughts for tonight’s essay. I have felt disconnected and a little sad  because I haven’t been as in touch with you, and with writing MOO [i.e. following Bliss]. Last year for Thanksgiving, I listed all things I was grateful for since joining this community and Musing aloud with you all. I want to pay homage to that event by reiterating my gratitude this year as well, albeit a few days late. I have been apart of the K/R/Twi Community since pre-Twilight, Summer 2008. I only started writing MOO in June of last year. Never in my wildest, most medicated dreams did I foresee meeting such extraordinary people; being privy to a passionate group of #OtherRebels boasting brilliant, crazy ideas and philosophies, and even bigger, exuberant, inspiring hearts.

In honor of Thanksgiving and the Goddess Hestia, who presides over Hearth, Home, Family and Community, I declare utmost gratitude for the lovely, the fierce and rebellious Ms Kristen Jaymes Stewart and her Warrior Poet Robert Thomas Pattinson. For without his and her independent, majestic, unconventional beauty, I may not have found the gumption to begin Musing aloud with you. And if I hadn’t opened my big, rambling, chattering mouth, I probably never would have met you all. I probably wouldn’t have decided to fly down to LA to try to camp out for movie tickets and a chance to see famous, pretty rebels in person. I probably would not have met you– you who are inspiring warriors and the dearest of dear friends. I am unspeakably humbled by your presence in my life. You are home for me.

Next time we’re going to make a dent in all the rebel greatness by discussing the glorious Breaking Dawn UK Premiere, which was the producer of a few Kristen and Robert pictures that may be the best. Ever. 

We’ll talk Entertainment Weekly, aka, The Interview In Which I Need To Make T-Shirts Out Of Every Verbal Statement Made, #FuckYouBothInTheFaceForLaughing….. and I’ve got an extra copy or two of EW to give away to you lovelies…

And we’ll actually talk about the movie itself. Hopefully you all will have seen it by then, so there won’t be any spoilers. Until we meet again, I wanted to let you know that I have not one but two magazine giveaways happening this week. Check the A/N for details and how to enter. Serious love and gratitude goes out to every single one of you who for some reason check in with me and read my loquacious monologues. I will see you sooner than later, Lovelies. Always, KJ

We are Other.

Kristen is Other.

Others recognize Home as not a solely tangible idea.

Embrace your Other.

*    *    *

A/N:

Special gropes and love to:

My CyberSisters/SmutSisters/GoodReads Girls

my bouffant

Heather Ree~ my dearest: Welcome to Twilight, baby.

@Mel452 and @Nhess_V

@allthingsHHH and @SoCalMom2Four ~ it was a pleasure meeting you, lovely ladies

@RobKris13 … @Just2CUSmile and Mari-Pai who made my time in L.A. simply sublime

It’s GIVEAWAY TIME!!!!  

I have one copy of GQUK for you….

and two copies of Glamour to give away… 

TO ENTER the GIVEAWAY: Just answer a question from the magazine you’re interested in when you leave your comment…..

For GQUK:  Kristen cites ‘On The Road’ as her ‘first-ever favourite book’. What is your first-ever favourite book, and would you accept the role [and responsibility] of bringing it to film?

For Glamour: Kristen advises honesty and knowing yourself as the key to relationships. What would you advise fellow #Others on relating…?

 ESSAY’s MUSIC PLAYLIST

What You Wanted ~Angus & Julia Stone

Let Me Sign ~ Robert Pattinson

Islands in the Stream ~ Constantines and Feist

Let’s Get Lost ~ Bat For Lashes feat Beck

Falling ~ Florence and the Machine


MOO Memoirs: BD or Bust Pt 1

13 Nov
A/N: The images displayed in this essay are not mine–Thank Goddess for Tumblr and Pinterest. Click the image for a link to their origin. So very unbeta’d–all mistakes and typos belong to yours truly. Click the button over heee-yah to subscribe to MOO and receive posts in your email————————————>

Guise. GUUUUISEEEE. We’ve been trying to keep this sssimple, right? I know. I know. I’m about a week late, and a few days off usual posting schedule, and all the while there has been epic occurrences nearly every single hour for our Reigning Other Queen Kristen and her brilliant, beautiful Warrior Poet Consort Robert. But it’s beyond the realm of reality now for me to keep up with all the updates in our Royal Rebels’ lives, at least these days it is, as we are in the weekend before the World Premiere of Breaking Dawn. 

This post commences an experimental format for Musings, one I’ll use when I’m on the road (as I am now), and/or when the amount of fantastical rebelliousness is off-the-chain-insane and abundant (again, as it is now). You all know I’m a chatty one, and one of my biggest challenges has been to  find a way to Muse On Otherness in a succinct fashion. Um. #BigFATFail

well, when pictures like this surface, how can ANYONE focus?

Well, maybe it’s because it’s obscenely overwhelming to simply pick one or two events to talk about in the sea of greatness during the Breaking Dawn promo tour currently in the works (annnnd do not get me started on the SWATH stills, banners and TRAILER just yet, mmkay?); also, because I have had not one day off since the start of my newest job three weeks ago; and maybe because I’m only able to read drabble fics these days, we’re doing smaller doses of Musings for a bit so as to cover the insurgence of incredible #RoyalRebelGoodness. 

Leeeegggggs

For those of you who don’t know what “drabble” means, it’s simple. Fewer words, posted more frequently, it packs a profound punch, and is often addicting. Basically, I get to take a crack at that elusive succinctness (which I’m already failing at, seeing I’m several paragraphs into ramblings, but anyhoo); We get to see The Pretty; we get to do some Musings On The Pretty, and we get to chat and convene more often!! So let’s get into it. We’ve got a loooooot to talk about in this, my first attempt at MooDrabble

Connecting Again

Here’s the ‘Memoir’ part of the MOODrabble.  Do you know where I am right now? Well, right now, I’m actually visiting my mother and doing my laundry in a bit of a mini-break. I am about to grab some breakfast with mom (after I hit ‘PUBLISH’) and then some friends will pick me up and bring me back to The Nokia Theater and #TentCity, where I had been hanging out for the past few days. Literally. 

I flew from my place in Northern Cali to L.A. on Wednesday of this week. And as I was listening to the supremely awesome Breaking Dawn Soundtrack on my iPhone (in AirplaneMode), I found myself itching to write. It occurred to me how disconnected I’d been from the physical act of writing. Since I started my new (and third) job about three weeks ago, I have not had a single day off. I was not writing anymore. I missed the physiological response of a calm contemplation that usually trickled over me. I was feeling disconnected from this community and my Musings readers and Other Queen Kristen Stewart even though phenomenally wonderful things were happening for everyone this week. When Kristen joined the promo tour, the Heavens rejoiced. But I couldn’t enjoy it with you all.  Hence, the VOM BAG. 

 

Awww, the birth of The MOO Memoirs. I was reading a handwritten love letter from my dearest @DeeDreamer16 while on the plane down to L.A. And not only was I astounded by the brilliant poetry on the stationary in my hands–not that Dee isn’t a poet, she is a sublime writer–but I gratefully embraced the the tranquility that washed over me as I pulled out my own pen and sought out material surface on which I could write. I’ve always written thoughts down on any available resource–napkins, my hands, my mini-journal, sweatshirts…vomit bags. This particular day, as I grabbed the paper sick basket from the magazine holder in front of me, I felt no “Motion Discomfort”. I felt like I had come home. Lovely connecting thought: The first draft of Musings On Other Queens in May 2010 was borne from scribbles on a Vom Bag. It’s almost synchronicity that the birth of MOO Memoirs as I fly towards the site of the Breaking Dawn premiere also manifested on a paper bag designed to hold purged stomach contents. Because it’s purging time, babies.

A Convention of Beauty

We’re gonna talk about everything that we can. The journey to the Breaking Dawn Premiere including my near-altercation with some Russians when I had to shove my way off the plane to watch the newly released #SWATH Trailer…

I mean, seriously. I. CAN. NOT.

…and the adventures I’ve had since arriving here. But we’ll also talk about the amazing week of promotional gorgeousness we’ve witnessed in the days leading up to this stellar weekend.

Dear Kristen, I know we haven’t formally met, but Holy Hell I am beaming with ridiculous pride for you as if you are of my flesh and blood. This is a BFD.

Love, Me

um, hellllo, beautiful

Summation: This first  MOO Memoir is to give you the 411. Musings in smaller increments, more frequently. Cool? It’ll serve as a little road map for the next week too, I hope.

For instance, the next MooDrabble will include the story of my interaction with Scummit event planners and security…and we will certainly pause to gape at:

and

touching feet forever. #thud

and

Annnnd, to wrap up this first post of the series, I wanted to share with you all the glorious talents of my girl @Jhiggs86, purveyor of beautiful KSIBTU Art…

These are the signs I have with me for the Premiere. They are my cues and signposts to Kristen and Robert that I am in the sea of people at the Nokia Theater giving a Rebel Yell of “OTHER ON!”

mesmerized? I am.

So come and find me at #TentCity or look for me on the Black Carpet at the Premiere…Say hey and let’s talk Other and Royal Rebellion and Unconventional Beauty right there on the sparkling (appropriately so) sidewalks of L.A. Live, mmmkay? See you soon!!!

A/N: I Luff you guys. Thanks for bearing with me through this rough transitional time as I hammer out a posting schedule and maintain my sanity…. MOO Memoirs Part 2 later today! xo, KJ

PLAYLIST for THE MOO MEMOIRS 

*Playlist is the same throughout the series unless noted

Acid Tongue ~ Jenny Lewis

We Wont Run ~ Sarah Blasko

Riot Rhythm ~ SleighBells

The Sea ~ Morcheeba

Sail ~ AWOLnation

Young Blood ~ The Naked and Famous

We Are Mad To Live

27 Oct
A/N: The images displayed in this essay are not mine–Thank Goddess for Tumblr and Pinterest. Click the image for a link to their origin. So very unbeta’d–all mistakes and typos belong to moi. Musical playlist and Shout-outs at the bottom, including birthday wishes. Click “Subscribe” in the side panel to receive MOO in your Email…over heeeyah——->

“…the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding…”

~Jack Kerouac

Hey my Royal Rebels and Other Warriors! How’s it hanging? Lotssss of stuff going on right now, yeah?  Honestly, while it’s all positive, I’m a bit overwhelmed. So let’s focus and just dive in because there’s much to discuss. We last met about two weeks ago and, of course, in that time, the sky lit up with Royally Rebellious fireworks.

This month GlamourStew and the stunning British GQ article (which we’re discussing today) debuted…and the European Breaking Dawn promo tour commenced with our Warrior Poet Robert Pattinson leading the charge through Paris, Belgium and Sweden (looking dapper all the way through). Just this morning, our Reigning Other Queen transcended the realm which we mere mortals reside, into a Goddess via GlamourUK. . .

O_o….Let’s back that thing up, mmmkaaay? We’ll get to GlamourUK next time. Promise. On a personal note, I’ve encountered a few jarring bumps in the road as well, which tested my resilience and abilities for self-preservation. It was so very apt that my last full Musings was a call to Armour-Up because the moment I pushed “PUBLISH” on that essay, I found myself pulling on my boxing gloves. For a few days after writing about self-preservation and defending my worth, I found myself not speaking to my husband, and several times, in bouts of tears in different public places, including the laundromat and a science museum…and in front of my dear friend @kate_Suena via Skype. (Thank you, Katie for holding the space for me, and for reacting appropriately to my anguish).

I needed to speak up. I felt disrespected and dismissed. I had to remind myself of all the times I’ve asked you all to embrace The Good even when we don’t always believe it; and accept Otherness as desirable even though it can be alienating and daunting. My husband  N has not always understood my choices to pursue Bliss, and he was disconnected from my passionate involvement with Musings. He did not understand my essential drive behind seeking a peaceful coexistence for Otherness, (though he is an Other Rebel himself) nor did he see the bond I have with you all…not even when we initially encountered this: 

This is an angklung. It is a musical instrument comprised of bamboo tubes mounted on a bamboo frame. The tubes are carved to produce a resonant pitch that sings out when shaken or struck. Check it out on Google and YouTube to hear it’s dulcet, warm tone. Folks play symphonies and Top 4o Hits on these bad boys!! They are popular throughout Southeast Asia, but originated in West Java, Indonesia, from where my husband originally hails.

The picture above is of the actual instrument in my house. It was a gift from a lovely  Musings Reader named Icha (@ichaluvcat). Icha lives in beautiful Indonesia, in the Bandung region. When she heard that N was in Indonesia last month, she arranged to have the gift sent to him. N brought it home in pieces in a box that he carried on his lap for the duration of the 20 hour flight back to California.

Before boarding the flight, he called to tell me in an awed voice that his countrywomen’s gift for me was incredible. Icha, according to N, wanted to express her gratitude for what Musings provided for her. And then for the first time ever, N started to realize that Musings, and this collective, cohesive journey we’re on together as Riotous Rebels is bigger than he could  comprehend. He [hopefully] began to see that his disregard and dismissal of my pursuit of Bliss and my work with Musings actually disregards and dismisses me.

I wanted to share the story of the angklung with you to illustrate a few concepts: firstly, you Majestic Misfits are everywhere. Other. Is. Everywhere. I am thrilled. Icha is literally on the other side of this planet in Indonesia, and yet, we are able to connect over our admiration of an Unconventional Beauty named  Kristen Stewart, but also on the idea of pursuing bliss and embracing Otherness.

we get IT.

Secondly, Icha’s unbelievable kindness began to smooth over the sharp fragments that jutted between my husband and I, and he is finally understanding that it is no longer an option to separate me from Musings, and my pursuit of Bliss (as I define it). It’d be as if separating me from a limb.

An age-old idea that we’ve discussed several times in MOO. We do not need to exist in pieces, in fragments. I’ve made peace with the idea that I do not have to splinter myself to ease the discomfort of someone else. It is such a waste, and it makes me less than whole..less alive, less sensitive, less aware, less authentic. Ms Kristen appears to have arrived at a similar conclusion as of late. We’ve witnessed our Reinging Other Queen as she recognizes and introduces her authentic, whole self  as well. And it’s been absolutely captivating.

Kristen Emerging 

 As we transitioned into this beautiful month of October, we were still trying to catch our breath from the stunning Marcus Foster music video–featuring the desolately beautiful Ms Stewart–and we watched the video claim it’s title as the most viewed/downloaded video of MSN in 2011 (fist-bumps fellow OtherQueen supporters). We also caught glimpses  obsessively looped the official trailer for Breaking Dawn:—-> 

And oh my gawd, suddenly, what a sweet, sweet surprise!  There’s Ms Stewart in her California Girl Glory sitting barefoot and smiling on the cover of the U.S. Edition of Glamour.

Wrung out and panting by this point, I don’t think any of us saw what came next. Biz-ZAM.

DAY-um

 “I looked like a boy for a long time. Now I feel like a woman.” 

You guise. YOU. GUISE. I don’t know where you were when the British GQ pictures and subsequent glorious interview surfaced, but I know that my knees buckled and all coherence seeped out through my mouth, which was agape. Pre-GQ, we knew this much: Kristen has been living in London for the past few months as she works on what looks to be the incredible film Snow White and the Huntsman. We knew that due to her responsibilities to SWATH, she cannot be as visible a fixture in the upcoming  Breaking Dawn promo tour we’ve enjoyed in previous circulations. In short…We missss her. We don’t see her as often as we’d like.

However, now we know, with the help of her Glamour article and this brilliant, gorgeous Norman Jean Roy-photographed British GQ interview, that Kristen Jaymes Stewart is present. Aware, confident, grounded, and knowing. She is vital…alive…burn,burn,burning…and here. She is okay with that. And she lets us know she’s okay with that.

I loved this article, madly. I loved everything about it, not the least, the styling. While far from an original idea, Classic Hollywood Glam still is devastatingly beautiful on Kristen. And I love how feminine and vital Kristen is when styled this way. It’s fitting that she reports feeling more like “a woman” now. With her dark red lips and vintage lingerie and swimwear only the feminine divine presides. The interviewing journalist was Jonathan Heaf, senior contributing editor for GQ, and he opened the article in an intriguing, complimentary fashion, by highlighting  characteristics and behaviors that our Reigning Queen of Other did not display. No, instead Mr Heaf observed Kristen’s beauty and the steps she’d take to ensure privacy and anonymity (“her voice drops to a whisper as another customer clatters through…”)  He doesn’t fault her for her self-protective mannerisms.

 “Kristen has been watched. And Watched. And trailed. And stalked. And Hunted.”

Rebel Renaissance

So this awareness we’ve talked about today–Kristen has it in spades. This wasn’t always the case, she acknowledges. She understands that she didn’t always exhibit welcoming, accessible vibes, especially at the onset of the Twilight fixation in 2008. She reports that at age thirteen, already five years into her film career, she was “bitterly self-conscious”, and distractedly so. But it’s present-day, twenty-one-year-old Kristen who exudes a startling grounded energy, sans the bitterness.

Instead of concentrating on not botching up an interview answer, she is self deprecating and humble but also cognizant that she is fallible. While acutely aware of the gossip mongers, BullShit People, The Critics, The Haters,  the various warring camps of “Stens”(folks who adamantly support the idea that she and fellow Royal Rebel Robert Pattinson are in a romantic relationship or not), she replies “I don’t worry about it at all” And she repeats a mantra that has long been effective and essential to this warrior queen:

“I like to keep whatever is mine remaining that way.”

I am only going to gloss over the next part of the interview for the small handful of you who haven’t read it yet. During her photo shoot on the previous day, Kristen was overheard mentioning her wish to see more of the UK as, “My boyfriend is English”. Of course, when Mr Heaf broached the subject with her during their interview the following day, our fiercely protective Royal visibly tenses and says:

“I never would have said that if I knew you were  going to be interviewing me.”

This exchange is significant in that Kristen made the rare inference to her personal life, and instead of denying, diffusing or ignoring the inquiry, she concedes to Heaf’s verbalized observation of the mass quantities of evidence available on the world wide web that has captured Ms Stewart and British-born Pattinson together in countless photos or videos.  Citing the accessibility of her personal life via Google, Ms Stewart sighs,

“Come on, Guys, it’s so obvious.”

I can share with you what feels ‘obvious’ to me. We are watching a young woman who previously felt unprepared–and was criticized by the Bullshit People for ‘not playing The Game’–thrive, evolve and mature and settle. And I mean that in the sense of a cultivated confidence and acceptance, a tranquility that wasn’t there a couple years ago, maybe not even seven months ago. She didn’t react defensively when Jonathan Heaf alluded to her  perceived “notorious sulky-slacker vibe”.  She instead acknowledges that she was a particularly self-conscious kid trying to find a niche amongst her peers while also working a very unconventional job. Admittedly, while Kristen didn’t become defensive at the comment, I did.

It irks me endlessly that a person cannot possess discernment and be contemplative without having the “sulky, aloof, moody” label slapped across her forehead and reputation. I digress. See, this is why Kristen Stewart is an Ambassador for Other on the Homecoming Float. She acknowledges and assents to her many facets–warm, fuzzy and otherwise–and recognizes their essentialness in comprising who she is…as a woman..wholly.

A New Dawn

We’re all starting  new adventures together I think. Some of you have been apart of this community from the beginning, early 2008 or sooner. I joined not too much later–late summer 2008, circa Vanity Fair photo shoot time, before Twilight was released as a film. In just a couple weeks, we’ll be camping out in line for the the premiere and the midnight shows for Breaking Dawn.  Kristen will be wrapping up her SWATH filming near the end of November/early December, but not before taking a few days to promote and celebrate the premiere of the final Twilight installment: Breaking Dawn, Part 1. There are the TV interviews (Yay, she’ll be on Ellen for the first time!) And the handprint ceremony (Grauman’s Theater may shake in the thunderous screams for Kristen, Rob and Taylor as their famous appendages are immortalized–Fingers crossed that Kristen wears her Chucks!).

As mentioned earlier, Rob has been the tour master across Europe this week, and he’s done a mighty fine job of it. Like his partner Kristen, he also appears more grounded, settled and alive as of late. Certainly joyful and…less inhibited than we’ve seen.

Perhaps it’s because the seminal characters he and Kristen portray onscreen are a settled, assured unit finally. It has, after all, been four years since we met the star-crossed pair.

Or maybe Rob appears content and more centered because he feels content and centered. He and Kristen have trudged through theTwi maelstrom with linked arms. Both professionally and personally, they have crafted and maintained a tight-knit, highly respectful partnership that is joyful to behold.

And my silly arse will see that electric chemistry in-person!! Yep. I’m heading down to Los Angeles to attend the premiere at the Nokia Theater. I always believe that everything is worth trying at least once, so this year that philosophy is going to be applied practically on November 14. I haven’t attended a film festival  Q & A nor any of the Comic Cons yet, so I figured: we’re nearing the end of this journey, and it’s time. I’ll be in line for the wristbands for the viewing stands at 6AM on Thursday November 10. Will I see any of you lovelies there too? With carafes of coffee? And bagels?? If you’re there, let me know. Let’s chat Rebel Beauty in the morning.

The giddy newlyweds

Well, my beloveds, it’s super late here and I want to post this on a Thursday, like old times. I have 48 minutes left  to do that if I go by California time. I’ll have an hour more if I go by Hawaiian Time. Uh, so, Aloha and Mahalo. This isn’t a conclusion nor my usual Musings wrap up…just a brief rest. So we’ll pause here, to be continued next week. See you soon, Lovelies! xx, KJ

We Are Other.

Kristen Is Other.

Others are desirous of everything; mad to live.

Embrace Your Other.

*   *   *

Questions–Birthday Edition:  Thoughts on your own Rebel Renaissance (a renewal, a rebirth, new awareness) over the past year…?

Thoughts on our Other Queen’s GQ photo shoot and interview?

What is your Halloween costume?

Best Birthday you’ve had?

A/N: Birthday Shout-Outs to my October Birthday Girls down below. Be sure to wish them a happy day as well–you know these girls.  There are more things to chat about…always there is. We’ll get to them next time. GlamourUKStewGiveaways for GlamourUSA and BritishGQ…

GIVEAWAY DEETS next WEEK!!

Breaking Dawn Premiere Plans…

Rob’s candidness and rambling press conferences (seriously he provides unbelievable entertainment on the road).

*A new About KJ Sentence Completion has been added!! It’s the SPOOKY-BIRTHDAY Edition…

Oh…and in all this madness–

I got a new job. . .!! 

It’s Halloween a.k.a Embrace Your Other Day  

Pssst~Please don’t send gifts for my birthday, you sneaky, lovely ones. Instead I’ll request that you engage in Fair Philanthropy and learn about and consider donating to one of the organizations I support:

American Cancer Society 

American Red Cross 

Lupus Foundation of America 

It’s BIRTHDAY SEASON

Happy Birthday to My Lovelies:

Webby, Meow, Kristin75,

Nhess & DizzyLadybug

Playlist for this Essay

Acid Tongue ~ Jenny Lewis

We won’t Run ~ Sarah Blasko

Riot Rhythm ~ Sleigh Bells

The Sea ~ Morcheeba

Look Into The Air ~ Explosions in the Sky

What’s Behind The Door ~ Shady Bard

Within and Beside You

28 Jul
A/N: The images & lyrics featured here are not mine. Many resources are cited in embeds if you click the pictures. Song lyrics cited in the tail-end A/N along with today’s playlist. This essay is embarrassingly unbeta’ed. Be kind.

Open and just hold the lantern in the doorway

For the freedom of it

And you take the night air through your nostrils

And you breathe in out, in out

And you breathe just like that, just like that

Ohai there my loveliest of lovelies! Well, my Beauties, I am not even going to attempt to cover all facets of  the supreme epicness that erupted from this year’s San Diego Comic Con. Most of you witnessed it first hand either in San Diego after waiting in line for days (Props to my warrior girls @RobKris13and @Edmett) or by hovering around your computers watching a live-blogging and Twitter feed from morning til night. And the numerous blogs and sites were superb in gathering and posting images, sound bytes, and video clips for the fandom faster than a Cullen driving a Volvo, so we were never left wanting for long. You can read the accounts and the interviews to your heart’s content all over the place for hours and still have footage you didn’t get to yet. There’s a lot, is what I’m saying. I don’t need to add my tangential ramblings to the cacophony, so today’s Musings will be my attempt at being succinct *snickers* and hopefully not repetitive. Let’s see how that goes, mmkay? But I wanted to highlight what I thought lent to the reasons for our Rebel Queen’s rousingly successful Comic Con weekend and why her pristine beauty somehow grew demonstrably more profound . Kristen Brought. It. This was the best she has ever been. EVER.  What is our Unconventional Beauty’s secret? While  all the cooking channel viewing and fight training have certainly contributed, I’m willing to wager  that her impossible loveliness is in response to something more subtle, and personal. So let’s explore this further, yes? Ok, Cats, put your mittens around your kittens, and A-WAY we GO!’ (name that quote and I’ll love you for always).

Beauty In Loving The Craft

And we saw her standing there

Our first glimpse at our reigning Other Queen before the Breaking Dawn Press Panel arrived in the form of the above picture, and the accompaniment of gasps and endless—> !!!!!!!! 8302%)#!@$%@&-<–the joys of communicating emotions in cyberspace. However, the incoherency was understandable, in my opinion. Her hair in tousled waves framing her immaculate skin above a sheer top revealing the black bra beneath, Ms Stewart appeared effortlessly sexy and gorgeous.

And then she sat down at the microphone for the panel, flanked by her amorous colleagues (including the calm and gifted director Bill Condon), and spoke candidly, excitedly and engagingly with the press amid flashing lightbulbs and murmurs.Within moments, it was evident that  the girl deemed by previous critics and naysayers as “awkward, uncomfortable and hostile” was no more. Ladies and Gentlemen, your Reigning Other Queen has arrived.

Is this Heaven or…

We always knew she was a lovely gal, but she has far transcended that descriptor it’s almost insulting. I could wax poetic about her flawless complexion and luminous eyes for years, but I want to acknowledge the unapparent internal structures lending to her almost otherworldly loveliness. It has been said that true beauty emanates from the goodness and light within. Kristen’s light derives from a newfound self-assuredness Over the past year she has gained confidence by way of  interpersonal work in staying centered and trusting her inner compass. She tuned out the constant barrage of criticisms and heckling from haters and from those who simply do not get it. She became involved in highly respected film ventures a la’ On The Road and she maintained close contact with her longtime supportive network (her family, her partner, her work team including the lovely Ruth and the constant John). She also continued to research challenging and compelling work projects.

Film industry  greats and Stew-colleagues such as Sean Penn and Jodie Foster have raved about Kristen’s accurate instincts and sagacious decisions around projects she pursues and people with whom she endeavors to work. It is the home stretch of what will be a five-year project of Twilight. Kristen’s instincts as a seventeen-year-old Indie film actress did not lead her astray. When she first spoke with Twilight director Catherine Hardwicke in 2007 regarding potentially taking on the role of Bella Swan in the film adaptation, Kristen reports she accepted the job  because she felt an affinity with the awkward, shy protagonist and her path towards self-awareness. Because Kristen felt that there was an honest, universal, relatable story about Bella and her great love Edward.

And what a story it is. And how correct Ms Stewart is. She committed in every way (as Kristen Stewart does) to the role in what she thought was a “small independent film” with a large readership. Four years and three Comic Cons later, her colleagues of past, present and future, as well as the very late-to-the-party media community are bestowing accolades for the fierce and refreshing force that is Kristen Jaymes Stewart. Her confidence is derived from knowing that she was correct in following her instincts and in her investment in the work. She loves what she does for a living and it shows. There’s congruency–what you see is truly what you get–that indicates less tension and more certainty. There isn’t a need to downplay or mask  joy or displeasure (if that be the case) felt. And we can see her. All of her. The positive, confirming feedback is pouring in. SHE. WAS. RIGHT.

And she is DEFINITELY en pointe again. And if we thought her comfortable lightheartedness at Breaking Dawn’s Panel was illuminating, then hold onto your hats and glasses, folks, because her appearance at the panel for Snow White and The Huntsman two days later was stunning 

I did not find Kristen’s decision to take on the role of Snow White particularly alarming. I’ve read an earlier incarnation of the script and found myself nodding in enthusiasm as we learned that Ms White wasn’t going to be just your average singing Disney cartoon. It made sense to me and I felt connected to the message of this incarnation of The Fairest of Them All. This Snow White, Kristen Stewart’s Snow White would be a strong, courageous warrior and ambassador to The People. When Kristen walked out on stage Saturday afternoon for the Q & A session for SWATH, I felt the distinct chills in knowing that we are witnessing the evolution of royalty. 

A Beautiful Ferocity

You’ve probably seen the Comic Con panel videos by now. If you haven’t, and I understand if that’s the case–there are SO many goodies it overwhelms– check @Robstenation‘s site for the videos: here for Breaking Dawn  and for the Youtube version, click–> here for Snow White and The Huntsman via @epnebelle. Also I encourage you to visit a SWATH Fansite created and ran by a couple friends of mine, @Dancer1 and @Cheermom called The Enchanting Beauty. You’ll find the latest news for SWATH production and  Kristen  without the gossip.

There are noticeable differences in Kristen between Thursday’s Breaking Dawn interviews and SWATH’s panel. For one thing, Kristen and her SWATH co-stars have barely spent any time together as they’ve all been working on other films. And for another, discussing, defending and explaining Isabella Swan Cullen’s actions and motivations are so deeply ingrained for Kristen after these several years, there were some slip-ups, and blurred lines between Kristen’s and Bella’s identities. Mostly though, I would attribute Kristen’s comfort in discussing Bella because she has had the luxury of marinating in and portraying a character over a longer, wider arc of time than most film roles allow. And Kristen is a passionate defender of her Bella.

*raises eyebrow* mmmhmm

But for the Snow White panel, we caught glimpses of Kristen in the company of extremely attractive new co-stars, exhibiting an eagerness, curiosity and pride on a level unfamiliar to us. Between her playful and almost sisterly-like banter with Charlize Theron, and her witty and self-deprecating responses to questions, Kristen, passionate and proud SWATH cast member, answered the call to portray the Beautiful Royal Hellion Snow White. 

It probably doesn’t hurt that the cast and crew boasts Oscar nominees and winners, as well as some of Britain’s acting elite (HELLO Ian McShane and Bob Hoskins). And these promo shots of the leads in costume…? *sputtering*

Truly a Rebel Royal, yes? 

Though the project is still in pre-production, the SWATH Panel at Comic Con sufficiently raised the bar and generated overwhelmingly positive buzz from..like, everyone, including the press and respectable journalists. Forbes journalist E.D. Kain writes:

 “But if that still shot of Kristen Stewart [up above] is any indication, I will be lining up for tickets when Snow White and the Huntsman hits theatres.”

There is something extremely awe-inspiring about people who face situations that are unchartered. Quitting a job one has had for years to participate in the construction of a starter company; speaking truth when everyone around you has been dishonest. Kristen is leaving behind the usual art house indie films she calls home, as well as the enveloping, familiar arms of her Twilight family to take on a film touted as on par with Lord of The Rings (oh HELL yes). There is a ferocity about this decision that is so very Kristen and so very Other. 

 Beauty Surrounds Her  

You say which way, which way

That’s all right, we’ve gotten hip to it

Behind you, beside you, beside you

Since the beginning days of Twilight Tuesdays and pre-Twitterazzi, Kristen and Robert have sought each other’s company and support as they catapulted from quiet obscurity into the view finder for millions of  rapt “fans”. A large factor in Kristen’s almost ethereal Comic Con appearance is the presence of love, support and encouragement in her immediate circle. Both Rob and Kristen have referred to one another as “my best friend”, and Kristen includes Taylor among a small group of people she “would do anything for” in the name of protection.

In my psychotherapy practice, I often recommend and encourage my clients to attend group counseling sessions in addition to individual sessions. I do this because there is a basic propensity for people to gravitate towards one another, especially when bound by similar experiences. And healing expedites when we have partners and supportive players on our side. Rob has mentioned in interviews in the past that because he and Kristen moved through the utter chaos of becoming famous together at the exact same time, they shared a deep and loyal bond, running even deeper than their immediate, easy friendship.  No one can quite understand the challenges and successes that come from being thrown into public consumption the way that Kristen, Rob and to a similar degree, Taylor can. They have become their own little huddle. #BesideYou

At the last Comic Con the Twi-Trio attended, (2009), Kristen literally took time out of  her shooting schedule for The Runaways to attend the convention to talk about the heartbreak and depression she had to communicate on-screen as Bella Swan. While some people heard Kristen’s words, she was more-often-than not defined by and questioned about her hair style (called a shag, not a mullet), and the Bullshit People and Haterade-drinkers skulked off and created wholly new websites and chat forums to bash Kristen. When asked about Kristen’s hair by an entertainment reporter, Kristen’s friend and confidante Taylor declared, “I think she looks sexy”.

Meanwhile, Rob, Kristen’s accomplice in Otherness, stared lovingly at her the. whole. time…This year, in the debut of Confi-ConStew, Kristen returned the supportive, encouraging, uh, appreciation for Rob and his Cosmopolis half-hawk.

saucy

Isn’t it fun having supportive ridonk sexy partners in crime? Of course, Rob’s hair didn’t spark anything remotely close to the riot that Kristen’s shag did. Don’t think that Rob didn’t notice the hypocrisy, by the way. Robert Pattinson is a clever, observant bloke. He attended Comic Con with his unusual hairstyle full-well knowing that people would most likely comment, judge, and question him. I actually fist-pumped when I caught a glimpse of his interesting coif. I noticed he had cut it even shorter than how he wore it for the Cosmopolis shoot. Whether it was his intent or not, Rob drew attention to his hair and his just-completed, non-Twilight film while simultaneously illuminating the double standards that “supporters” in this fandom practiced all the time. Why is it that Rob is revered and celebrated as “quirky” and “charming” for rocking a half-hawk at Comic Con while Kristen, having her hair styled as Joan Jett for her [awesome] work in The Runaways was ripped to shreds and called (and still called) every derogatory name in the Smack Book??

C’mon, Ladies. We can do better than this.

Something to think about, no? Bottom line: One more reason Kristen shined at San Diego Comic Con this year was due to the reassuring and encompassing presence of her dearest Accomplices in Otherness. Of course Rob and Taylor have faith in Kristen, they always have. But it was evident as the Breaking Dawn and SWATH panels progressed through the convention, that dozens if not hundreds of folks were finally jumping on board the KSTEW Support Train. One fellow leading the Kristen Stewart Fan Club charge was the kind and visionary director of Breaking Dawn, Bill Condon. Mr Condon may have praised Kristen’s dedication and love for the story in six different occasions. He is Team Kristen all the way. Another new mentor and commanding Rebel Beauty in Kristen’s supportive group appears to be another Rebel Queen~

A Beautiful Congruency

‘Cause I need Freedom now

And I need to know how

To live my life as it’s meant to be

Can you spot our Rebel Other Queen?

While all her Twilight co-stars wore dresses and stilettos…what did our girl wear? *HUGE GRIN* The final point I wanted to highlight this week was congruency. In geometry, congruency is when lines are the same size and shape. In philosophy and sociology, congruency refers to harmony between actions and ideas. In psychotherapy, someone is acting congruent when they are speaking of feeling a certain emotion, and their face and body language reflects said emotions. Happiness and excitement may look something like this:

When I say I’m a defender of Others and Misfits, I will act accordingly. You will not witness me throwing insults or jokes around at the expense of someone who has a different appearance or set of beliefs from my own. Neither will you witness Kristen acting incongruently. If she is nervous, you’ll know it. She’ll bounce that knee all over the place, and bite her nails to the quick in between interview questions. What you see is what you get. The reason Kristen Stewart is our Ambassador of Other is because she never  falsifies who she is, even when she is pressured by outside sources (um, MEDIA TRAINING? Are you kidding me??) to conform to the out-dated cookie-cutter ideal.

Congruency is Kristen exhibiting pride in and excitement about the choices she’s made in her profession. It is in knowing that she will be in a very physically demanding role with SWATH (“I’ll have swords and cool weapons”) and preparing herself by training in horseback riding, yoga and weapon-wielding.

It is in the way she is not hiding the affection and respect she holds for her partner Robert. It’s lovely to see their open, mutual affection for one another…Not that he  could ever effectively downplay his admiration for her, but still…The one and only joint interview for the press produced their most warm, inviting and organic interaction of the whole Comic Con weekend. It was mesmerizing to behold, even though it was only 3 minutes long. A content, confident, open, uninhibited, supported and cherished young woman again redefined an antiquated idea of “Beauty”.

Well, my lovelies. There you have it. Those are my thoughts on the jaw-dropping awesomeness of Comic Con 2011 and the Other Legacy that is our Reigning Other Queen. I attributed her heightened (how is that possible??) beauty to her confidence and the confirmation of her solid intuition; also her congruency and her amazingly constant and unconditional support team. There’s excitement  and eagerness for her upcoming projects and the love she feels for her craft.  Ahhh, love. Let’s not forget: She is loved and she loves in return. And it shows. That may be the best reason of all for Kristen’s transcendence this week.

We are Other.

Kristen is Other.

Others realize that beauty cultivates from within and beside us.

Embrace Your Other.

*    *    *

QUESTIONS: What were your reactions to Comic Con? What elements contribute to your confidence and beauty? Do you love your work? Do you surround yourself with supportive family and friends? Are you congruently (authentically) living your life?

A/N: Next time I’m resuming the usual MOO outline featuring “What The Fangirl Learned” and  a new Rebel Royal. You were lovely with suggestions last week, btw, thank you! You can expect a couple little stories about gals named Christina and Ellen in the near future.

Squeezey Hugs and Sloppy Kisses To:

@Nhess_V for always, always spreading the Other Support and Musings postings all over the place each and every week.

@Mel452, my Aussie Darl for having a BIRTHDAY this week!

@DeeDreamer16 for always checking in on me …and even though she didn’t mention it, for celebrating a BIRTHDAY as well recently.

Bouffant. For listening to me talk shit out. Per usual.

Katie. For sharing the best conversations EVER and pulling me out of the funk when I go there.

Lyric excerpts featured: 

Beside you ~ Van Morrison

The Cave~ Mumford and Sons

Essay Playlist: 

What I Am ~ Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians

Santa Maria~ Gotan Project

The Cave ~ Mumford and Sons

Back To The Barre

19 Jul
A/N: So very, very unbeta’d. Please forgive me the typos, grammatical slips and bobbles. I own some pictures in today’s essay. Most of the others, not so much. Goddess bless Tumblr.

“Rocks in my way, I pick them all up. Someday I’m going to build myself a castle.” ~Fernando Pessoa

Greetings, all you Beatific Misfits! I hope this long overdue essay finds you well and healthy? I am hanging, but I’m going to be totally honest: I’m beaten up, overwhelmed, wary, and emotional (even more than usual…scary). I realize I’m over four days late in posting New Musings and that knowledge just makes me twitchy, albeit from the pressure I put on myself, not from anything external. We are our own biggest critic, are we not? I’ve had what I’ve wanted to talk about in this essay outlined in my notebook for nearly a week now, but I’ve not found the articulation. I hope you’ll flow with me.

A part of my ill ease is that I’m still acclimating to being home after my national assignment with the Red Cross. Other causes for my wariness stem from natural stressors that accompany family, marriage and friendships that are moving through transitions. Admittedly a small contribution to my discomfort expels from the atmosphere of tension surrounding fellow “fans” and “supporters” in the Kristen/Rob/Twi Community. And a leeetle smidgen of my preoccupation may surround my decisions for following Bliss.

catharsis

So how do I move forward when I am feeling fractured, uncertain and unsettled? I go back to the beginning. I return to the stripped-down foundation, to the basics. I review what it is that motivates me and inspires me to go forth…whether it be writing or journaling; playing the piano or singing; writing music, reading poetry or literature [or spicy fanfic], listening to music, surrounding myself with inspiring and kind people, walking on the beach, or rereading letters received or letters I’ve sent to someone else. I start from scratch and, in advice  from one of my favorite guilty pleasures, the dance movie, Center Stage, I go ‘back to the barre’.

In the technically meticulous and heartbreakingly beautiful art of ballet, the barre is a handrail either bolted to the wall or a horizontal, free-standing base. It is used for the warm up period before floor work and dance sequences. While sometimes seen as monotonous and tedious, barre work is crucial for all dancers, regardless of level of skill, as the exercises build strength for leaps and turns, sharpen precision, hone speed, and enhance flexibility and balance. It’s the reacquaintance of one with his or her roots and center. This month, I need to come back to my center almost desperately, because I felt that I might drift away, too far.  So, this week’s essay is my own reminder about the significance in returning to the place of grounding.

Since She’s Been Gone

Well, since we last talked, our Rebel Queen Kristen has been spotted just about everywhere among the county of Los Angeles, as well as in Toronto on the Cosmopolis film set and maybe New York City. Girlfriend has been on the move…and without a doubt, she’s got several vultures on her trail (growling). Now, *clears throat* I haven’t been nearly as active as the fierce and lovely Ms Stewart. Nope, since I’ve returned from my assignment last month, the only thing I’ve been actively doing is …emoting.  I have probably experienced and then worked through every single emotion possible, including apathy, anger and elation. A couple of you lovelies have written me and asked me how I’ve returned to “normal” after seeing what I saw and learning what I did while working with the survivors (aka Inspiring Heroes) of the natural disasters in Mississippi and Missouri. When my friend CC asked me how I’m able to be “back and continue on in life”, I answered, “Slowly, painstakingly, carefully.”

patience and gentleness

One thing I’ve very clearly realized since coming home: I have zero tolerance for hate-vom and/or unnecessary drama. No room in my 3D relationships and not in this fandom. Having watched families emerge from the literal ruins of their lives in Joplin, I cannot find it in me to participate in power struggles between factions amongst supporters in this fandom regarding tidbits they’ve allegedly received  first.  I cannot summon the patience to follow the hate-filled and irrational spewage of theories by people who have agendas of generating chaos and disagreement just so they can claim they were involved in it.

I’ve stepped back from Twitter. I still keep my eye on the news around the fandom just for confirmation that our Reigning Other Queen Kristen appears healthy and that she is still employing The Stealth; but I don’t read the twitlongers or Re-Tweets of Nonsensicals because 1) I’d rather put my energy elsewhere and 2) There are people who have made it their job to read and address the hate and hypocrisy. Hats off to @BecauseWeAreNot for spearheading that particular operation.

The Beats were pretty profound, yes?

Soooo, what does one do to carry on without getting carried away? One seeks the counterbalance. Revisit and celebrate what it is that compelled us in the beginning. Ms Stewart has been away from public, prying eyes these days, which is how she likes it best. Kristen’s unique brand of badass-regality is comprised of her ability to move through daily activities–while being tailed, hounded, stalked and scrutinized–with little reaction or fanfare.  She’s admitted in the past to feeling overwhelmed and timid when photographers and “groups [of girls]” approached her in public, but she appears to have connected with that inner compass of calm within herself over the year. This is a Royal Rebel’s way of staying centered.

In addition to a cool and gracious exchange of car insurance information after a fender bender in Hollywood….Well, she runs errands.

She works out in preparation for new film roles (while in SPANDEX, yo)…

…She visits her parents, peruses through vintage clothing stores, trains for horseback riding, and visits her aesthetically pleasing partner in rebelliousness Robert (along with their dog) on the set of his now-wrapped David Cronenberg-directed film Cosmopolis. Kristen carries on with her daily happenings….so why can’t everybody else? Kristen describes herself as “incredibly boring” (an argument that is actively disputed I’m sure by everyone who knows her) and she harbors propensity towards being a homebody who chooses to read books and hang with her cat in lieu of attending high-profile industry parties and award shows. She will, however, attend public events if it means supporting beloved friends:

Dean and his Marylou

The Chris & Kris Mutual Admiration Society

While Kristen flits in and out of public’s viewfinder, ensuring she has time to reacquaint herself with the mundane and normal, perhaps we can do the same…for ourselves…? Precious energy does not have to be poured into analyzing why Kristen is not seen out, or if she and Robert are getting along well. We instead could rejoice for those moments the girl has any privacy. Or better yet:  we could infuse our efforts into our own relationships. Call it a hunch, but I bet that both Kristen and Rob would much prefer we enhance our relationships instead of scrutinizing theirs.

A startling lesson I learned while away last month: It could be gone. All of it–obliterated–RIGHT NOW. Every single person I counseled in Joplin stated that the complete destruction of their lives occurred within a millisecond. Where and how did those people spend those final moments? Checking Twitter timelines? Updating their Facebook status? Dissecting someone else’s private life?

The Fangirl Learned: A Magical Era Ends Emerges

A method of returning to the barre (and in some ways, melt into escapism) for me is the immersion into compelling stories and films. I finished and fell insanely in love with the book Divergent and I saw the final Harry Potter film this week. It might have been too much epicness in too short a timespan, now that I think about it. We may talk more, MUCH more about Divergent another week. For those of you who have not read this incredible book–in my opinion, it is the next best read behind The Hunger Games– DO IT. DO IT NOWWWWWW.

For those of you who have read it (very Big UPs to my Good Reads Girls): Did you find the message as profound as I did? The message being: We are at our most powerful and beautiful when we embrace all facets of ourselves–including the elements we are told are wrong, odd, fear-inducing and unwanted–aka OTHER??

#CannotBeLabeled #AlsoKnownAsOther #FourandSix

And as I begin this new series of wonderfulness (come join me in reading Divergent’s upcoming sequel next Spring, will ya?) another beloved series drew to a close. Last Wednesday evening, I could be found stuffing my purse with packets of tissues and weighing the pros and cons of eating popcorn smothered in “butter” (because you shall go big or go home). I both hated and LOVED that I sat in front of a ginormous movie screen playing the final Harry Potter film, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2. I expected to shed tears. Many of them. And sure enough, my first tears fell before the haunting screen shot of the title fully formed in front of us onscreen.

Always an ardent book lover, I was a Potter fan since the very beginning. I was 18 years old when the first Harry Potter novel, The Philosopher’s [Sorcerer’s] Stone was first released. I was a freshman in college and I was hostessing for a seafood restaurant part-time when I purchased my copy.  It was the first time I participated in anything that remotely resembled fangirling, and it combined with a burgeoning love for The WB television network’s Buffy The Vampire Slayer.

Fun Fan-Girl Fact #1: I created a 15 minute public-speaking presentation for a college speech course defending the virtues and benefits of watching Buffy The Vampire Slayer. I got an A, thank you very much, and turned a handful of cynical college cohorts into Buffy fans.

Fun Fan-Girl Fact #2: It was for Harry , Ron and Hermione and not Bella and Edward that I went to the midnight book release events and stood in the long movie lines on premiere days.

The film, Deathly Hallows Part 2, in my opinion, was wonderful. The experience of seeing it at Midnight in a packed theater teeming with fellow Potter fans was incredibly bittersweet but still glorious.  I saw the first movie (Sorcerer’s Stone) via matinee by myself (that may have been the first time I saw a movie alone in the theater) because my then-boyfriend hadn’t woken up from his all-night music writing session of the previous evening. A decade later, I watched the final film in a theater in an entirely new city with a husband who told all his friends on Twitter that he was at the midnight showing of “Harry PORTER“. N has not read the books but over the past few years has seen all the movies. My, what a difference a decade makes.

We’re also nearing the end of the our time with Twilight. Our Majestic Misfits Kristen and Robert are set to return for their third appearance at San Diego’s Comic Con[vention] this Thursday, July 21. This will be the couple’s first public appearance since the eventful MTV Movie Awards in early June.  It’s also the first major promotional push for The Twilight Saga’s final film installment: Breaking Dawn. As I am writing this essay, people (including my crazy beautiful sister @robkris13)  are already lined up at the convention center in San Diego to camp out  for Thursday’s panel–comprised of director Bill Condon and actors Ms Stewart, Mr Pattinson and Mr Lautner. We’ll talk more about Comic Con next time..but suffice to say: It’s kinda a big deal.

TWILIGHT:::

#DeepBreath #BeforeTheInsanity #DidNotSeeThisComing

cozy

NEW MOON:::

Did someone ask a question?

What will this Thursday’s Breaking Dawn Comic Con panel bring…?

We’re granted a double dose of Kristen (uh, Hell yeah) this year at Comic Con as she is sitting on a second panel in representation for her new project Snow White and The Huntsman. This will be the very first promotional event for SWATH. The panel will consist of director Rupert Sanders and the [obscenely] attractive cast. Filming isn’t scheduled to begin until next month in London, so this Comic Con appearance will provide a unique opportunity to gaze stupidly at the pretty  learn about the storyline and characters before production commences.

Hope y'all are near a fire-exit because will this panel explode or...?

This month I have goals (besides enjoying Comic Con and filming updates for SWATH) to expand The Magical Little Practice, launch a consulting firm attached to the MLP, and pursue instructor certification for Red Cross courses. While trying to gather the strength and courage to do all of those things, another healing, magical element emerged this month for me to appreciate.

This is when I turn to you all with wondrous eyes, surveying the friendships and relationships I’ve forged as a result of my involvement in this Kristen Stewart and Unconventional Beauty Support Campaign. Last week, I was blessed with visitors hailing from all corners of North America including Canada. And these ladies are the loveliest, most eloquent , most wickedly funny and brilliant gals. We met through…THIS. Through Musings, through KSIBTU, through our mutual support and admiration of our Reigning Other Queen Kristen and her Deliciously Poetic Partner in Crime, Robert Pattinson.

Whenever it becomes almost intolerable and painful to endure the slander, libel and absurd delusions concocted by the severely unsatisfied Other-Hunters and Chaos-creators in, drink in the sights of people you have met whom embody positive attributes: independent ideas, positive regard, wit, and open mindedness…maybe recognize the whimsy and fierce fashion accessories too…? Dear @Kate_Suena @MyCleverAlias @That_Bitch86 and briefly, Ms @J_carroll7: It’s been a pleasure and an honor.

These counterbalancing people you see probably possess  boundless pockets of joy…and perhaps the tendency for documentarian-like photography (which I support wholeheartedly btw) and the proclivity towards copious alcohol consumption…

night #4?

Also he or she may actually comprehend the awesome responsibility with which we use our words…

These neutralizing souls will most likely hold appreciation for varying perspectives. And he or she probably respects the value of introspection.

So that’s what I’ve been up to these past few weeks. I was all somber and contemplative for a few days, and then slightly combative and irritable for a few others. And now…Now, after spending a week or two stretching and warming up my muscles, breathing deeply and carefully considering the best position for my feet (hopefully not in my mouth, though that’s not a promise) at the barre, I am nostalgically reviewing the excitement and motivation that coursed through me as I researched new Royal Rebels to discuss with you…

Remember some of the Featured Royal Rebels we met this year? They have all traveled through these months garnering accolades from critics and colleagues along with numerous award nominations. They’ve debuted exciting and innovative new projects, released new albums, starred in blockbusters and/or critically acclaimed films.

Jesse

Freida

Johnny

I’ve three people percolating at the top of my head whom I hope to feature in the near future, just a heads up. Anyone you’re eager to see?

Remember those feelings of pride and glee when you caught a clip or video of Our Ambassador of Other Ms Stewart in refreshingly honest interviews or slightly uncomfortable, but always-humble award show appearances?

Remember when we first met because we held respect for Kristen’s career trajectory and her unapologetic genuineness? Remember when we all were collaborators and we would brainstorm new definitions and reframes for negative connotations and labels such as “unusual”, “awkward”, “unconventional” and “odd”?? Remember when we were ecstatic because Kristen appeared to have found a kindred spirit within a bumbling, awkward, intellectual and charming British bloke?

Yeah. I remember too. And I’d really like to return to that joyous, reverent, cohesive place as soon as possible. These past few weeks of drifting, regrouping, withdrawing and re-prioritizing have been exactly the sort of conditioning and healing I sought, whether consciously or not. Knowing I have several goals and hopes to address this year, I must have recognized the need to cocoon before pushing boundaries and charging forward at full speed. So after finishing several books, witnessing the grace and graciousness of a Reigning Other Queen, viewing one tearful but satisfying finale to a decade-long film series; and, enjoying the company of fellow Others amongst The Beats and summertime ideals, I am stepping away from the railing along the wall and moving towards an open floor. However, I know whenever I feel off-center or uncertain, I can always, always find balance along the barre.

We are Other.

Kristen is Other.

Others seek clarity and balance along the barre.

Embrace Your Other.

*  *  *

QUESTION 1: What do you do when you need to reconnect with your roots? How do you steady yourself along the barre for balance?

QUESTION 2: Who is a Royal Rebel you’d like to see featured in a future Musings?

QUESTION 3: Memories of past ComicCons? Hopes for this year’s double-Stewy panel?

A/N:

Opening Pessoa quote provided by @Dizzy_Ladybug

Picture credits for “drinks” and “rings” goes to @Kate_Suena.

Printer’s Ink” courtesy of @MyCleverAlias.

Kristen at the PCA’s is from @CheerySarcasm

Infinite curtsies and bows to:

Bouffant for talking me through stuff.

My ‘Good Reads’ Girls for providing me an escape.

Possum Bestie @Justice_Aussie for “pinning me” with pretty quotes and pictures.

**Playlist for this Essay**

Where’d You Go ~ Fort Minor feat Holly Brook

Belong ~ The Cary Brothers

After The Storm ~ Mumford & Sons

Poison and Wine ~ The Civil Wars

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