Tag Archives: Happiness

We Are Mad To Live

27 Oct
A/N: The images displayed in this essay are not mine–Thank Goddess for Tumblr and Pinterest. Click the image for a link to their origin. So very unbeta’d–all mistakes and typos belong to moi. Musical playlist and Shout-outs at the bottom, including birthday wishes. Click “Subscribe” in the side panel to receive MOO in your Email…over heeeyah——->

“…the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding…”

~Jack Kerouac

Hey my Royal Rebels and Other Warriors! How’s it hanging? Lotssss of stuff going on right now, yeah?  Honestly, while it’s all positive, I’m a bit overwhelmed. So let’s focus and just dive in because there’s much to discuss. We last met about two weeks ago and, of course, in that time, the sky lit up with Royally Rebellious fireworks.

This month GlamourStew and the stunning British GQ article (which we’re discussing today) debuted…and the European Breaking Dawn promo tour commenced with our Warrior Poet Robert Pattinson leading the charge through Paris, Belgium and Sweden (looking dapper all the way through). Just this morning, our Reigning Other Queen transcended the realm which we mere mortals reside, into a Goddess via GlamourUK. . .

O_o….Let’s back that thing up, mmmkaaay? We’ll get to GlamourUK next time. Promise. On a personal note, I’ve encountered a few jarring bumps in the road as well, which tested my resilience and abilities for self-preservation. It was so very apt that my last full Musings was a call to Armour-Up because the moment I pushed “PUBLISH” on that essay, I found myself pulling on my boxing gloves. For a few days after writing about self-preservation and defending my worth, I found myself not speaking to my husband, and several times, in bouts of tears in different public places, including the laundromat and a science museum…and in front of my dear friend @kate_Suena via Skype. (Thank you, Katie for holding the space for me, and for reacting appropriately to my anguish).

I needed to speak up. I felt disrespected and dismissed. I had to remind myself of all the times I’ve asked you all to embrace The Good even when we don’t always believe it; and accept Otherness as desirable even though it can be alienating and daunting. My husband  N has not always understood my choices to pursue Bliss, and he was disconnected from my passionate involvement with Musings. He did not understand my essential drive behind seeking a peaceful coexistence for Otherness, (though he is an Other Rebel himself) nor did he see the bond I have with you all…not even when we initially encountered this: 

This is an angklung. It is a musical instrument comprised of bamboo tubes mounted on a bamboo frame. The tubes are carved to produce a resonant pitch that sings out when shaken or struck. Check it out on Google and YouTube to hear it’s dulcet, warm tone. Folks play symphonies and Top 4o Hits on these bad boys!! They are popular throughout Southeast Asia, but originated in West Java, Indonesia, from where my husband originally hails.

The picture above is of the actual instrument in my house. It was a gift from a lovely  Musings Reader named Icha (@ichaluvcat). Icha lives in beautiful Indonesia, in the Bandung region. When she heard that N was in Indonesia last month, she arranged to have the gift sent to him. N brought it home in pieces in a box that he carried on his lap for the duration of the 20 hour flight back to California.

Before boarding the flight, he called to tell me in an awed voice that his countrywomen’s gift for me was incredible. Icha, according to N, wanted to express her gratitude for what Musings provided for her. And then for the first time ever, N started to realize that Musings, and this collective, cohesive journey we’re on together as Riotous Rebels is bigger than he could  comprehend. He [hopefully] began to see that his disregard and dismissal of my pursuit of Bliss and my work with Musings actually disregards and dismisses me.

I wanted to share the story of the angklung with you to illustrate a few concepts: firstly, you Majestic Misfits are everywhere. Other. Is. Everywhere. I am thrilled. Icha is literally on the other side of this planet in Indonesia, and yet, we are able to connect over our admiration of an Unconventional Beauty named  Kristen Stewart, but also on the idea of pursuing bliss and embracing Otherness.

we get IT.

Secondly, Icha’s unbelievable kindness began to smooth over the sharp fragments that jutted between my husband and I, and he is finally understanding that it is no longer an option to separate me from Musings, and my pursuit of Bliss (as I define it). It’d be as if separating me from a limb.

An age-old idea that we’ve discussed several times in MOO. We do not need to exist in pieces, in fragments. I’ve made peace with the idea that I do not have to splinter myself to ease the discomfort of someone else. It is such a waste, and it makes me less than whole..less alive, less sensitive, less aware, less authentic. Ms Kristen appears to have arrived at a similar conclusion as of late. We’ve witnessed our Reinging Other Queen as she recognizes and introduces her authentic, whole self  as well. And it’s been absolutely captivating.

Kristen Emerging 

 As we transitioned into this beautiful month of October, we were still trying to catch our breath from the stunning Marcus Foster music video–featuring the desolately beautiful Ms Stewart–and we watched the video claim it’s title as the most viewed/downloaded video of MSN in 2011 (fist-bumps fellow OtherQueen supporters). We also caught glimpses  obsessively looped the official trailer for Breaking Dawn:—-> 

And oh my gawd, suddenly, what a sweet, sweet surprise!  There’s Ms Stewart in her California Girl Glory sitting barefoot and smiling on the cover of the U.S. Edition of Glamour.

Wrung out and panting by this point, I don’t think any of us saw what came next. Biz-ZAM.


 “I looked like a boy for a long time. Now I feel like a woman.” 

You guise. YOU. GUISE. I don’t know where you were when the British GQ pictures and subsequent glorious interview surfaced, but I know that my knees buckled and all coherence seeped out through my mouth, which was agape. Pre-GQ, we knew this much: Kristen has been living in London for the past few months as she works on what looks to be the incredible film Snow White and the Huntsman. We knew that due to her responsibilities to SWATH, she cannot be as visible a fixture in the upcoming  Breaking Dawn promo tour we’ve enjoyed in previous circulations. In short…We missss her. We don’t see her as often as we’d like.

However, now we know, with the help of her Glamour article and this brilliant, gorgeous Norman Jean Roy-photographed British GQ interview, that Kristen Jaymes Stewart is present. Aware, confident, grounded, and knowing. She is vital…alive…burn,burn,burning…and here. She is okay with that. And she lets us know she’s okay with that.

I loved this article, madly. I loved everything about it, not the least, the styling. While far from an original idea, Classic Hollywood Glam still is devastatingly beautiful on Kristen. And I love how feminine and vital Kristen is when styled this way. It’s fitting that she reports feeling more like “a woman” now. With her dark red lips and vintage lingerie and swimwear only the feminine divine presides. The interviewing journalist was Jonathan Heaf, senior contributing editor for GQ, and he opened the article in an intriguing, complimentary fashion, by highlighting  characteristics and behaviors that our Reigning Queen of Other did not display. No, instead Mr Heaf observed Kristen’s beauty and the steps she’d take to ensure privacy and anonymity (“her voice drops to a whisper as another customer clatters through…”)  He doesn’t fault her for her self-protective mannerisms.

 “Kristen has been watched. And Watched. And trailed. And stalked. And Hunted.”

Rebel Renaissance

So this awareness we’ve talked about today–Kristen has it in spades. This wasn’t always the case, she acknowledges. She understands that she didn’t always exhibit welcoming, accessible vibes, especially at the onset of the Twilight fixation in 2008. She reports that at age thirteen, already five years into her film career, she was “bitterly self-conscious”, and distractedly so. But it’s present-day, twenty-one-year-old Kristen who exudes a startling grounded energy, sans the bitterness.

Instead of concentrating on not botching up an interview answer, she is self deprecating and humble but also cognizant that she is fallible. While acutely aware of the gossip mongers, BullShit People, The Critics, The Haters,  the various warring camps of “Stens”(folks who adamantly support the idea that she and fellow Royal Rebel Robert Pattinson are in a romantic relationship or not), she replies “I don’t worry about it at all” And she repeats a mantra that has long been effective and essential to this warrior queen:

“I like to keep whatever is mine remaining that way.”

I am only going to gloss over the next part of the interview for the small handful of you who haven’t read it yet. During her photo shoot on the previous day, Kristen was overheard mentioning her wish to see more of the UK as, “My boyfriend is English”. Of course, when Mr Heaf broached the subject with her during their interview the following day, our fiercely protective Royal visibly tenses and says:

“I never would have said that if I knew you were  going to be interviewing me.”

This exchange is significant in that Kristen made the rare inference to her personal life, and instead of denying, diffusing or ignoring the inquiry, she concedes to Heaf’s verbalized observation of the mass quantities of evidence available on the world wide web that has captured Ms Stewart and British-born Pattinson together in countless photos or videos.  Citing the accessibility of her personal life via Google, Ms Stewart sighs,

“Come on, Guys, it’s so obvious.”

I can share with you what feels ‘obvious’ to me. We are watching a young woman who previously felt unprepared–and was criticized by the Bullshit People for ‘not playing The Game’–thrive, evolve and mature and settle. And I mean that in the sense of a cultivated confidence and acceptance, a tranquility that wasn’t there a couple years ago, maybe not even seven months ago. She didn’t react defensively when Jonathan Heaf alluded to her  perceived “notorious sulky-slacker vibe”.  She instead acknowledges that she was a particularly self-conscious kid trying to find a niche amongst her peers while also working a very unconventional job. Admittedly, while Kristen didn’t become defensive at the comment, I did.

It irks me endlessly that a person cannot possess discernment and be contemplative without having the “sulky, aloof, moody” label slapped across her forehead and reputation. I digress. See, this is why Kristen Stewart is an Ambassador for Other on the Homecoming Float. She acknowledges and assents to her many facets–warm, fuzzy and otherwise–and recognizes their essentialness in comprising who she is…as a woman..wholly.

A New Dawn

We’re all starting  new adventures together I think. Some of you have been apart of this community from the beginning, early 2008 or sooner. I joined not too much later–late summer 2008, circa Vanity Fair photo shoot time, before Twilight was released as a film. In just a couple weeks, we’ll be camping out in line for the the premiere and the midnight shows for Breaking Dawn.  Kristen will be wrapping up her SWATH filming near the end of November/early December, but not before taking a few days to promote and celebrate the premiere of the final Twilight installment: Breaking Dawn, Part 1. There are the TV interviews (Yay, she’ll be on Ellen for the first time!) And the handprint ceremony (Grauman’s Theater may shake in the thunderous screams for Kristen, Rob and Taylor as their famous appendages are immortalized–Fingers crossed that Kristen wears her Chucks!).

As mentioned earlier, Rob has been the tour master across Europe this week, and he’s done a mighty fine job of it. Like his partner Kristen, he also appears more grounded, settled and alive as of late. Certainly joyful and…less inhibited than we’ve seen.

Perhaps it’s because the seminal characters he and Kristen portray onscreen are a settled, assured unit finally. It has, after all, been four years since we met the star-crossed pair.

Or maybe Rob appears content and more centered because he feels content and centered. He and Kristen have trudged through theTwi maelstrom with linked arms. Both professionally and personally, they have crafted and maintained a tight-knit, highly respectful partnership that is joyful to behold.

And my silly arse will see that electric chemistry in-person!! Yep. I’m heading down to Los Angeles to attend the premiere at the Nokia Theater. I always believe that everything is worth trying at least once, so this year that philosophy is going to be applied practically on November 14. I haven’t attended a film festival  Q & A nor any of the Comic Cons yet, so I figured: we’re nearing the end of this journey, and it’s time. I’ll be in line for the wristbands for the viewing stands at 6AM on Thursday November 10. Will I see any of you lovelies there too? With carafes of coffee? And bagels?? If you’re there, let me know. Let’s chat Rebel Beauty in the morning.

The giddy newlyweds

Well, my beloveds, it’s super late here and I want to post this on a Thursday, like old times. I have 48 minutes left  to do that if I go by California time. I’ll have an hour more if I go by Hawaiian Time. Uh, so, Aloha and Mahalo. This isn’t a conclusion nor my usual Musings wrap up…just a brief rest. So we’ll pause here, to be continued next week. See you soon, Lovelies! xx, KJ

We Are Other.

Kristen Is Other.

Others are desirous of everything; mad to live.

Embrace Your Other.

*   *   *

Questions–Birthday Edition:  Thoughts on your own Rebel Renaissance (a renewal, a rebirth, new awareness) over the past year…?

Thoughts on our Other Queen’s GQ photo shoot and interview?

What is your Halloween costume?

Best Birthday you’ve had?

A/N: Birthday Shout-Outs to my October Birthday Girls down below. Be sure to wish them a happy day as well–you know these girls.  There are more things to chat about…always there is. We’ll get to them next time. GlamourUKStewGiveaways for GlamourUSA and BritishGQ…


Breaking Dawn Premiere Plans…

Rob’s candidness and rambling press conferences (seriously he provides unbelievable entertainment on the road).

*A new About KJ Sentence Completion has been added!! It’s the SPOOKY-BIRTHDAY Edition…

Oh…and in all this madness–

I got a new job. . .!! 

It’s Halloween a.k.a Embrace Your Other Day  

Pssst~Please don’t send gifts for my birthday, you sneaky, lovely ones. Instead I’ll request that you engage in Fair Philanthropy and learn about and consider donating to one of the organizations I support:

American Cancer Society 

American Red Cross 

Lupus Foundation of America 


Happy Birthday to My Lovelies:

Webby, Meow, Kristin75,

Nhess & DizzyLadybug

Playlist for this Essay

Acid Tongue ~ Jenny Lewis

We won’t Run ~ Sarah Blasko

Riot Rhythm ~ Sleigh Bells

The Sea ~ Morcheeba

Look Into The Air ~ Explosions in the Sky

What’s Behind The Door ~ Shady Bard

Muselet: Bits of Rob, Bits of Birthdays

3 Mar

Hello dear ones! Happy Thursday! I had fully intended on writing a full-fledged Musings for today, but I couldn’t properly gather the thoughts that I wanted to do so, but know that I have enough material for a full MOO to post on or around this weekend…including a new Featured Rebel. So today’s Muselet will feature a couple of odds and ends and announcements, perhaps a fleeting thought or two on the recent Vanity Fair madness, and the surge of Water For Elephant promotions. *Excuse me while I…THUD*

Hyperventilating aside, we need to kick-off Birthday Season..

Today, for instance, is my talented hubs’ birthday. And because he has tolerated my impulsiveness and loquaciousness with grace and (most times) patience…

And contributed his stunning personal photography to support my dabbling into small-business owning and to Musings even if he didn’t quite understand…and also so that @Buff could work her magic….so much love and gratitude for my IndoGuy…


And, because March is an awesome month and PISCES are soul mates of mine, my beloved soul sister and Team Other Co-Captain Cynically Convy, creator and author of the brilliant and fast-becoming legendary KStew Is Better Than You has a birthday as well! Tomorrow, March 4 !! If you aren’t reading CC’s outrageously funny and intelligent posts championing our Other Queen Kristen, or in CC’s words, HER ROYAL HOTNESS , then I don’t know how you’ve made it through your boring days thus far, and frankly, I’m not quite sure how we’re friends. A lot of MOO’s readers are concurrent KSIBTU readers as well. Hell, I think most of you, who didn’t already know me through my Cyber Sisters & Readers, found me because of CC’s support and promotion of Musings. Basically, Musings would NOT exist in its current incarnation if it weren’t for CC. Please go give my sister some love and send some birthday wishes. She’s been under the weather this week, and your greetings will only brighten her day and boost her immune system (and I know a little something about poor immune systems *cough* Typhoid *cough*).

CC, I love you and adore you madly. Each week I find myself bowing down to your genius, yearning for a tenth of your wit and maybe an ounce or two of your coloring skilllllz. This exclusive Moo Artwork was completed while I was at a pizza parlor. Snow White is very significant, yes??


Other birthdays approaching? Well, The Queen herself, our regal Ambassador of Other, Kristen Stewart, celebrates her twenty-first birthday next month, on April ninth, and Mr Robert Pattinson celebrates the start of his twenty-fifth year in May. Celebrations ahead, my friends. My husband’s and my dear friend CC’s are just the beginning. If you want to send your wishes to Kristen for her birthday next month, I suggest contributing your thoughts and love to TEAM KRISTEN SITE’S BIRTHDAY PROJECT!

Well, so what other topics did I hope to mention today? Well, there is always this insanity:

Like it or not, you know the man has mad charisma when he can pull off the ‘come hither’ look with a big lizard around his neck. Um, I’m not even looking at his neck. Just sayin. The legendary Annie Leibovitz photographed this shoot which accompanies an interview that depicted a more somber and somewhat overwhelmed-sounding Rob. I do not care for and am growing MORE irritated with the interviewer of this article with every new agenda-driven TV interview she gives. However, some of Rob’s answers hint at the long-term effects of isolation and overzealous “fans” including difficulty concentrating and writing, exhaustion and a penchant for taking solace in salty-sweet snacks such as chocolate-covered pretzels. (Don’t judge. Those things are BOMB and offer sweet, sweet relief). He calls out his stalkers, the window-bangers and riot-starters and even encouraged his lawyers to sue the girls who hacked into his email accounts. But, with his wistfulness for quiet and anonymity comes also his steadfast admiration for his colleague and partner in crime, Kristen Stewart, saying,

“I think she’s really good. There are very few girls in her class that are as good as she is.”

I need to re-read the article another few times before I can shove away the melancholy cloud that fell over me when I first read. And I am annoyed by the motivation the VF reporter seemed to carry while interviewing Mr Pattinson. To me, she projected a vibe that I can’t shake that indicates non-support of either Rob or Kristen. But the pictures sans Pilgrim Hat but added musical instruments and cigarettes…well, they’re quite lovely.

Maybe I’ll talk more about this article in the full-fledged Musings I hope to write this weekend, we’ll see. I did definitely have some reactions, though. But this morning’s on-air phone interview between Rob and Ryan Seacrest provided a jovial, charming and laughing Flippy that far succeeds any printed article or biased journalist’s interpretation. It was nice to hear his laughter and lightness again. And I tell ya, I’m gonna LOVE the Water for Elephants press circuit.

Soooo, I’ll wrap up today’s Muselet for now by letting you know that Part 2 of the MOO Mish is underway. I’ve sent over greetings and samples of Musings but also my personal Sacred Contract directly to our Other Queen Kristen and her closest people including the Goddess Ruth and Kristen’s personal assistant and security blanket John. I let them know that when Kristen is  ready to implement her own Life’s Work and Fair Philanthropy, that I am on board and have the means and capacity to assist her in her vision.

In the meantime, I’m here, rambling, and supporting and encouraging all of us Others to continue to pursue Bliss and embrace Otherness. You all continue to astound me with your bravery and willingness to be candid and honest. Some of the emails and comments I’ve received re: your Firsts have been heartbreaking and also so inspiring. KEEP GOING!!!  Thanks for visiting the Sentence Completion portion of the About KJ page and revisiting some of your Firsts, the good, bad and brilliant…Thanks also for checking out the Resources for Beauty page as well. There is much to add still. Always. I’ll see you in a couple days, my Lovelies. xo, KJ

Gropage & Giveaways: Awareness and Artistry

13 Oct

Hello my dearests! Happy Wednesday to you. Today is just a Musings Moment, not even a full-fledged Muselet or Memo…Just a moment to announce the Kathryn LeGrice Print Giveaway Winners of  last week’s post. Also, I want to address a few points that I think are essential to all of us…

Firstly, HAPPY OCTOBER!! This is my favorite month, not only because it’s my birthday month, or because it’s the first full month into the Fall Season (my favorite season). It’s a fantastic month because it’s BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH. That’s right, friends, I cannot outline the importance of self-gropage for early detection. I have always existed in this world with an awareness of how rampant, devastating, life-altering, and shattering cancer can be.  Unfortunately, I am willing to guess that you all have been exposed to cancer in one form or another-via family, friends, coworkers, and/or your own encounters, no matter your age. Breast cancer does not effect just older women. The women I’ve known who have experienced breast cancer or a cancer scare are as young as 21 through 65. It effects men, young women, families, friends, YOU.

Ladies, if you’ve got ’em, feel ’em up. Do your self-breast exams, get your Mammo-hugs, encourage everyone you know to do the same. Early detection is the key. Go. Go feel yourself up.

Secondly, I want to let you know that you all blow me away. Serio. I am stunned every single day with your comments, tweets and emails to me. Last week was no exception. The courage, the insight, the honesty that you all exhibit bring me to tears, bring me to my knees. I know I say that Musings’ Readers are the most brilliant and brave of all the people out there, but I am saying it in all sincerity, YOU ARE BRILLIANT. Not surprising, since you are KStew and Rob fans. I couldn’t even reply to the comments this week because I felt no words would suffice. Please know that I read all of your comments and thoughts, and I love that you all are interacting with each other a bit, providing support for Fellow Misfit Rebels…You truly are magnificent souls. BRAVE. I bow down to you in humbleness.

During a time when Date Night with Rob and Kristen spark in-fighting and obscene rumor mongering, plus a few Twitter wars, I see you guys staying above it, staying out of it, and concentrating on the bigger picture…WE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER. This common admiration we share for OTHERS, and our OTHER QUEEN KRISTEN and her MAJESTICAL MISFIT PARTNER ROBERT  is what brought us together in the first place, and I applaud you for remembering this. I know it gets noisy out there. It gets petty, gossipy, immature, and downright vile.  There are far more positive things to be focusing on right now…Like, the upcoming wide release of Welcome To The Rileys:

Or awesomely happy talk show appearances:

And tapping into that neglected creative part in you, leading to authenticity, dancing in the bubbles:

Know that your warm sentiments and compliments for Kathryn’s artwork has been passed on to Kathryn. She is humbled and stunned at your reaction. She wants you all to know how grateful she is for your words. I urge you to continue peeking into Kathryn’s website: http://KathrynLeGrice.com to watch for her new works. Last week, I showed you three prints that the lovely Welsh Ms LeGrice contributed to Musings as a reminder to all of us Others to keep pursuing our endeavors, no matter the naysayers, the doubters and critics (those include the inner critics, especially). Commenters automatically entered their names in for a chance to win one of the three prints…


Bryant Park



Central Park



San Francisco


I counted your first comment if you left more than one, and I did not include a commenter who asked that I withdrew her name from the drawing to give the chance to someone else to win. (Hi, Fi. You’re so generous, it’s ridonk). Thank you. So, here are the winners of the Kathryn LeGrice Artwork Giveaway–A Reminder to Pursue Creativity:

Part 1: The Integers

Generate  random integers (maximum 10,000).


Each integer should have a value between  and  (both inclusive; limits ±1,000,000,000).

1 thru 19

Random Integer Generator

Here are your random numbers:





The winners are: (12) APRIL , (15) NHESS_V, (3) MISTY

Winners, we will get in touch via Twitter and/or email. When we do connect up, I ask that you number your preference of painting (which is signed by Kathryn and presented in a lovely matte frame) from one to three.

Thank you all so very much for participating and sharing a little piece of your selves and your creative journey with us. I will be back tomorrow with my regular Thursday Musings…I haven’t narrowed down the topic just yet, but I imagine it will involve self-reflection, love, creativity, bliss-pursuit and Kristen Stewart. I know, shocker, right? You are absolutely adored by me. In the meantime, GO AND SPREAD BREAST CANCER AWARENESS, PROMOTE THE GROPAGE. Also, please continue to take your risks, remain open (in mind and heart) and continue to celebrate the EMBRACING OF OTHER.  See you tomorrow. Much love, KJ

*A/N* This week’s and last week’s drawing results were obtained through the usage of RANDOM.ORG-Integer Generator.

Me…but more

15 Jul
Why So Broken?

It seems that (not surprisingly), I encountered many signs encouraging me to re-intergrate aspects of myself this week. Ahhh… Lady Synchronicity appears again. Firstly, you all know that I stumbled quite serendipitously upon the new space for what I refer to as the “magical little practice”. It was a case of Psychotherapist Kj introducing herself to the bliss-pursuing, Other Queen-in-training Kj. Then, on Friday night I went for tapas and cocktails at a Spanish lounge with my beautiful Welsh Muse, Kathryn, to whom I refer to as My Manager. She literally is to me what I believe Ruth is to Stewie. She keeps me tuned in to my path of Creative Living, and talks me up and tries to book me for public gigs (hey a girl’s gotta make the rent payment somehow!). That night (further details in a moment), the Other Queen-apprentice part of me shook hands with the Musician part of me. And both aspects waved a warm greeting to Psychotherapist Kj. The night ended with me handing over my psychotherapy business card to our lovely waitress Kelly who in turn handed it to the restaurant’s manager. My Manager and I set up an audition to sing and play piano as a musical guest at this lovely Spanish restaurant and lounge (cue freaking-the-fuck-out riiiight now). Well, I didn’t stay out too late that night, because I was set to be On The Road with Marble Pole the next morning, early, so that I could meet up with my Cyber Sisters/ Readers of my Twilight group in the center of this state.

So I pondered (it’s what I do, and then I ramble about it to you generous, patient people every Thursday, thank the Goddess): Why do we fragment ourselves? Why do we keep parts of our personalities, talents and interests concealed? My Sisters and Readers had a vague idea of my field of work, but that I did some sort of counseling and I am looking for my niche (i.e. a job). They didn’t know I was a musician or a writer until I began this lovely project–Musings. No one in my family (with the exception of my sis Puss) or on Facebook know that I write Musings; or that I have a healthy admiration for Kristen and Rob (TRANSLATION: I totes crush on them both and have them on my Freebie Five List).

Do you have a separate group of friends who know the serious, work-focused you, and then another group of friends who you speak to about falling in love and raising a family? Perhaps you have another cohort of colleagues that you speak with about shared interests like: sports you play, hobbies you have? Or say…hmmm… Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart? Do your partners and family members know that you’ve seen Eclipse four times already? Do your parents, siblings and co-workers know why they hear a THUD and not surprisingly find you on the floor, unconscious below your desk? Could it be because of these, um, OUTTAKES??

Did I lose a few of you just now? Yeah. I thought so. 

Or these??
Her gaze and his smirk burst with secrets, no?

Come Together

With my Twilight Roadtrip weekend and my attempts at pimping out my musical services, I realized that I had initiated The Merge. Cyber Sisters are now my 3D friends. I have faces, voices, facial expressions, perfume and an assortment of sensory associations linked to previously 2D acquaintances. A month or so ago, I met a few gorgeous ladies of The KSIBTU Crew in person even though we’d been “friends” online for some time. After our meeting? These ladies and I have strong personal relationships outside the World Wide Web. I call and write my Sisters and the KSIBTU girls for advice and guidance, just as I ask my Sister Puss and my husband. Though I base my Musings on events inspired by Kristen and her Homecoming Court of Misfits each week, the emails and correspondence exchanged with you all are about the issues we ponder and navigate in OUR lives. So again, I ask myself: Why do we fragment?

Remembering concepts found in all previous book recs I’ve featured here, like Eve Ensler’s I am an Emotional Creature and Marianne Williamson’s A Woman’s Worth, we realize that whether we asked for it or not, we are categorized in society by labels and gender roles. We are expected to take certain actions in fulfilling roles while we’re criticized for being frivolous if we try to embrace unexpected roles or paths. Take a look at all the roles we fill. Um. It’s a shit-ton.



Williamson suggests, as do social psychologists, spiritual healers and medical practitioners, that the key is balance. Only when we embrace all aspects of ourselves are we truly whole. So much energy goes into denying pleasures or attributes that we have. We can be (M)others as well as Career Women. We can be compassionate, nurturing and nonviolent all while being strong, firm, athletic and intellectual. We absolutely can be “pretty” while driving a tractor or truck, debating the virtues of molecular biology, planning the recovery methods of hydrocarbons in petroleum engineering. Likewise, ballerinas may be beautiful swans on the performance stage as well as auto mechanics during the work week. The point is, we don’t have to deny ourselves our talents or interests in favor of social acceptance, although most of the time we do. It’s exhausting to fragment and deny. Its detracting from focusing on the work, the journey in front of us. It prevents us from meeting amazing people with similar interests. It causes us to lose confidence, increase anxiety. Why cause more heartache for ourselves? Here’s what I think: We can have it ALL. Fly the “freak flag”, yo. Take it all in. Merge your many facets. We can, in fact be Chucks- and tiara-wearing Royal Rebels.


courtesy of the extraordinary @buff_82

Marianne Williamson and one of my favorite writers, Sonia Choquette, Ph.D, advise that while society programs us to question whether or not we are “beautiful”, we are more vulnerable to the LIE the further we detach from our selves. Our self-awareness, our beliefs, our hopes, our connection with our Higher Power, whatever that may be. And how do we connect with our self-awareness? YUP. By acknowledging EVERYTHING we are. By not fragmenting ourselves. By embracing all of our strengths and challenges. By recognizing, not segregating, owning what is OURS. This is the pathway to bliss, the pathway to authenticity.

“Authenticity: ‘the courage to be imperfect, set boundaries, and be vulnerable’ “

The above quote was from Dr Brene Brown, a researcher, professor and writer on the very important and essential topics of shame, resiliency and authenticity. Thanks to the sublimely lovely @TheUrbanWhisk, I stumbled upon Dr Brown’s amazing work. Check her enchanting messages of hope, courage and authenticity here: Ordinary Courage

This is what we may look like once we begin The Merge and Balance of our fragmented souls:

Yippee! I love salt, Rumi, fanfiction, dance movies and office supplies! 

So how does becoming more You, More Other, More Authentic look in the 3D world? Well, for me, it started with the meeting of my Cyber Sisters and fellow KSIBTU Crew gals…it’s progressed into following the Miracle Bubbles to the Healing Center for my new counseling practice…then introducing myself to the Spanish Lounge’s staff to set up a singing audition…and will probably culminate in me linking Musings to my Facebook pals. Its the small steps towards embracing my Other…I probably won’t wear my I UNF FOR KSTEW tee-shirt to the family wedding I’m attending this weekend. But you can bet your sweet asses I’ll be wearing it for my first singing gig at the Lounge.

courtesy of CafePress and @buff_82. again.
See why she’s a Goddess?

Let’s talk about this week’s Rebellious Royals, shall we? I’m featuring another ginger, kids, I know, big shocker. Why not? The redheads seem to be the penultimate rebels don’t they? Shirley Manson, singer, songwriter, activist, actress certainly embodies all the great qualities of Otherness.

Featured Rebel Royal: Shirley Manson

Not only was a fan of hers and her band GARBAGE for the ten years and beyond, but I simply fell in love her all over again and wanted to give her massive props for her very public defense of our Other Queen Kristen in a Facebook Memo. Quite honestly, if you haven’t been a fan of Shirley’s already, I think now, my fellow Musers and Team Other mates, you NEED to be, simply on principle. Like. NOW. Here’s the link to her full passionate note: SHIRLEY MANSON’S NOTE
And here is an an Excerpt: 

Why are people so turned off by Kristen Stewart?!?!?!
I don’t get it.
I think she’s the best thing about the entire Twilight franchise.
She’s delicious to look at.
She’s a talented actress.
(I don’t care what anyone else has to say about her acting because I think she behaves EXACTLY the way me and all my pals did around that age of the character she is playing so THERE!)
AND she’s articulate.
And she’s a little shy.
And clearly very thoughtful.
What’s not to love?
I hate it when she gets trashed.
It hurts my teenage self

Ms Shirley Manson lives and works in Los Angeles now, but hails originally from Edinburgh, Scotland. Known for her distinctive voice, her personal lyrics and rebellious attitude, Shirley gained international success and acclaim with her band Garbage in the mid to late 1990’s. She began her musical career as a backup singer and keyboardist for the Scottish band Goodbye, Mr Mckenzie. She caught the eye of record producers who approached her to release an album as a solo singer. In 1993, she released her solo album performing under the name of Angelfish. It was her solo efforts that grabbed the attention of her future bandmates of Garbage. The band invited Shirley to record an album with them. The result was the mega-successful, grammy-winning Garbage. She remains with the band after another three albums. The songs Stupid Girl, Only Happy When It Rains, and #1Crush are among the most recognized songs of the Alternative Rock movement of the Nineties and early 2000s.

Shirley cites a difficult social upbringing for her forays into “rebel life”. According to biography, Shirley was bullied in her first years of secondary school, leading her to suffer depression and utilize self-injurious behaviors such as cutting and substance use. With forays into shoplifting, truancy and delinquency, Ms Manson was largely absent from any form of structured education system.

Beauty Marks: 1. Distinctive voice 2. Female front for an all-male band 3. Honestly discloses personal experiences with low self-esteem, stress and anxiety. 4. Overcame her self-defeating behaviors to become a voice for social issues and awareness of animal mistreatment

Offenses of Otherness: (per Other Hunters, Schoolyard Bullies and Ass Clowns) 1. Wears short skirts with Tall Boots 2. Wears clothing that accentuates her feminine attributes 3. Outspoken in her activism 4. Brutally honest in lyric-writing, citing controversial issues such as self-mutilation and substance abuse.

In addition to her songwriting and fronting for Garbage and her various solo musical projects, Shirley is an acitivist and participant in raising awareness for cancer research for children, several AIDS research groups and PETA. She experienced the heartbreak of being a bully victim, and turned her previously self-harming coping skills into activism. Because she speaks up for the oppressed, overlooked, and misunderstood, Shirley Manson is Rebel Royalty.

Reigning Other Queen: Kristen Stewart

Our lovely Ms. Stewart has begun Beatnik Bootcamp in Montreal, Canada this week. Gone are the mis-shapen, frizzy Bella Swan wigs, and in their place are Kristen’s natural, strawberry-blonde locks for the embodiment of the iconic figure of Mary Lou in the film adaptation of On The Road. Kristen told reporters on the Eclipse press junket that she has been attached to On The Road for a few years now, but is so pleased and relieved to finally reveal her participation in the story she refers to as her “first favorite book ever”. Already, movie critics are praising the casting of our Other Queen in the role as MaryLou, not only for her impressive status as a result of The Twilight Saga, but due to an observable maturity and depth in her extraordinary acting talents.

Beauty Marks: 1. Reveling in her domestic goddess ways, baking pies for cast mates and press junket interviewers 2. Supports her friends’ projects publicly, despite knowing paparazzi will be there 3. Completely dedicated to embodying all faults and assets she posses 4. Gifted in physical movement: Juggles, golfs, throws spiraling footballs with precision (in 4-inch heels while sick no less! See the now-legendary Jimmy Fallon appearance)

Offenses of otherness (per Other-Hunters, Bullshit People, AssClowns): 1. Keeps composure despite intrusive photographers’ insults as she attends public events 2. Does not confirm or deny her personal relationship with Rob Pattinson 3. Is awkward and uncomfortable 4. Is honest in her reactions, but shy and cerebral in interviews. (This confuses people who want to categorize her by a singular emotion.)

This week, as Kristen prepared to be out of the country and away from her home, friends and family, she made headlines simply for stepping out with Rob to attend a show in support of musician friend Bobby Long. The reigning Other Queen wants to enjoy her limited time with her beloveds. In the aftermath of the chaotic world-gallivanting promo tour, Kristen is preparing to immerse herself in work again, which is something that she not only loves doing, but marks her impressive dedication to her craft. Once she returns from her On The Road filming, Kristen will delve into preparation for filming Breaking Dawn parts 1 and 2. With her departure to Montreal, as usual, the BullShit People, fame whores and Ass Clowns crawl out of the woodwork to concoct wild rumors and speculation.

LIGHTBULB MOMENT: These shit-stirrers who call themselves “fans” may be why some of us try avoid claiming any association with the “Twilight fandom”. And instead attempt to redefine the true meaning of support and appreciation for Kristen, Rob and Twilight. Some of the more extreme (i.e. stalkers, fame whores and embarrassingly delusional) followers in this fandom sure know how to degrade and misrepresent, don’t they??

Talk all you want. We’re still going home together.

While the “fans” work themselves into a foamy lather, our girl Kristen and her Rebellious Partner in Crime Rob don’t appear to bat an eyelash. Perhaps this is the greatest indicator that Kristen and Rob are balanced, un-fragmented, whole spirits: they know each other and themselves well enough; have confidence in their chosen friends and beloveds (did you see how TomStu and Sam shielded Kristen from the Other-Hunters at Bobby’s concert?) to cast away the doubt, nonsense and hate from their awareness in pursuit of their bliss confidently, calmly, wholly.

Smoothing The Splinters

Because I am letting the inner therapist and the neglected musician follow the path of the Bliss-Pursuing Other Queen, I am moving towards embracing my Otherness as a Chucks-and-tiara-wearing Rebel Royal. 

Because she turned her experience of victimization into a distinctive voice in defense of neglected, forgotten and persecuted Others, Shirley Manson is an Other Queen.

Because she adamantly refuses to give into the jeers, insults and rumors meant to tear her apart, and instead keeps her focus on her craft and the path ahead of her; within company of encouraging beloveds who know all of her, Kristen Stewart is the reigning Other Queen.

I am Other.

Shirley is Other.

Kristen is Other.

Others know that embracing the whole is the greatest rebellion.

Embrace Your Other.

Question: What can you do to bring your splintered roles, interests and loves closer together?

A/N: Did you enjoy the Special Edition Musings this week, with guest writer Bouffant? Did you let her know here or on Twitter? She’s @Bouffant00. I am off to be in my 3D world, and may even be on a plane as you read this. I am spending time with my family and attending a cousin’s wedding. Then, N and I are flying off to Hawaii for a week with my mother, to introduce her to the islands that are so very special to me. She hasn’t been before. I don’t know for absolute certainty that I’ll post next Thursday per usual. But The Muses are so very unexpected, so I may very well hole up on the patio with a cocktail and babble away at you again. I’ll let you know.

In the meantime, please check out my girls’ projects: Visit @Bouffant00 of course, and also @Buff_82. Buff is a goddess, we’ve established this. A photographer and graphic design genius, even though she denies it. Go visit her on Twitter and on FanFic.net as she is the author of Eclipsed Heart (completed) and Redeem Me. Obviously check out CC’s brilliant @KStewsbtrthanu because she’s outrageously gifted and clever, and she’s my sister. Join @TheUrbanWhisk‘s culinary adventure on her gorgeous blog celebrating all things food. See my profile here and peek at the blogs I follow, give love to my girls @Takemetobliss, @Frayo and @Jwink…the possibilities are endless. Many thanks to Marble Pole, Puss, Kathryn My Manager, Julie, and Clog-Wielding Queen. To the lovelies who helped me brainstorm the name of “the magical little practice”: You stun me. Lastly, as usual, my Cyber Sisters/Readers/3D friends, I’ll see you in the morning, like everyday. LOVE YOU.

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